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Down - anyone else around?
October 10, 2006
1:33 pm
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armyleo
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I feel down, anyone else around? Good thing about this site it made me get out of bed. Called in sick again, things not well at home.

October 10, 2006
1:49 pm
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I am here, what is going on at home?

October 10, 2006
1:58 pm
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armyleo
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No big deal, he was just at it again, his words just get to me. He goes on and on about what I don't do right, and i'm trailer trash, and a bitch, and stupid.

He had me against the wall, wouldn't let me go, kept hurting me, but it wasn't too bad. Some days are worst.

Our finances are going from bad to wrose, cell phones discontected today, whose to blame I am I guess, we're starting to do the pay peter one month and paul the next. Damn if it doesn't get any worse.

When he comes home tonight I'm going to hear about it.

October 10, 2006
2:01 pm
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jastypes
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Are you married to this person?

October 10, 2006
2:02 pm
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armyleo
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Yes, we're married.

October 10, 2006
2:07 pm
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I feel for you, I remember being in that situation, mine only got physical a couple of times but the words hurt pretty bad,the rapeing was the worst, i have been divorced for 3 years now, they were a long 3 years but i can honestly look back and know i did the right thing, one thing my sister told me is my daughter is going to marry someone just like him if i dont get out, i know you are struggling and think you deserve this but you dont, it is not your fault the finances are going to pot, dont let him blame you for that, be strong, tell yourself you are a good person and you are strong, say it over and over, build up your self esteem, i know it will be hard with him knocking you down all the time trust me, i know. but 3 years later, i am a lot stronger, if i can do it so can you.

October 10, 2006
2:09 pm
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armyleo
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God what else can possibly go wrong, I am going to be in sooo much trouble.

I told him 2 months ago, we were going to start having finance problems, he spends and spends and spends, then he blames it on me. I don't make enought to cover everything. If I could I would have taken care of it.

He takes a big chunck out every time he gets paid. But I can't say anything. Then he expects me to make due with whawt's left over I CANT!!!

October 10, 2006
2:11 pm
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armyleo
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He did that to me 2 weeks ago.

October 10, 2006
2:13 pm
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armyleo
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This just proves I'm no good at being able to take care of things. Damn why am I so hopeless.

I try so hard to make everything right. somedays I just can't take it anymore.

October 10, 2006
2:16 pm
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I wish i could be there with you to help you, i am sorry you have to go through this,
Marrige is suposed to be a partnership, not a controlling prision.

October 10, 2006
2:18 pm
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armyleo
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Partnership - yeah right. Always ask for my opinionn and then puts me down. So I try hard to guess what he wants me to say, of course I'm never right, or that's not the answer he was looking for.... So why does he ask for my opinion!!!!

October 10, 2006
2:19 pm
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armyleo
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I'm sorry Elle - I didn't mean to take it out on your. I'm just upset.

October 10, 2006
2:20 pm
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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army,

I am a single parent and I manage my own money - and at this very moment, I don't know where my rent is coming from - how to make ends meet. I have been eating at my mom's house for two weeks cuz I don't have money for food to feed my daughter and I. I am borrowing left and right.

I get paid GOOD money - but somehow it doesn't seem to be enough.

If he only gives you a portion of his pay and it's not enough - then it's NOT ENOUGH - and it's NOT YOUR FAULT.

and it doesn't sound like he'd be willing to discuss it, or give you more either - again, not your fault.

you do the best you can with what you have - you don't need to keep beating yourself up over this. He's doing enough damage to you, you don't need to add to it - trust yourself, believe in yourself and love yourself....be KIND to yourself...even if nobody around you is.

October 10, 2006
2:22 pm
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armyleo
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I've got a sick one at home also. Somedays it just feels like there's no way out. Like I'm trapped in this place.

October 10, 2006
2:29 pm
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armyleo
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Love myself?? If no one loves me why would I feel like that. I'm unloveable.

October 10, 2006
2:34 pm
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jastypes
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Oh boy. Been there, done that, and really don't recommend it. I was really "stuck" in my marriage for the first 10 years. I'm still married, but I don't take abuse anymore, my home is certainly not my prison, and I don't take responsibility for all our problems anymore. I suppose I had bitch potential all along, but it took several years to really get it out there. There were several steps I took.

It started with counseling. And I didn't have money either. Some churches offer counseling. I happened to find a good counselor who just took pity on me and didn't charge me anything.

I read books like Women Who Love Too Much, and Co-Dependent No More.

I joined Al-Anon for support.

I learned to say "Not my problem" and "None of your business."

My husband got the idea pretty quickly when I started standing up for myself. He was never physically abusive. I think he knew if he crossed that line, I'd have definitely kicked him to the curb. Our marriage isn't great. In fact, at the moment, he lives away from home during the week. But I have a life, and that's amazing and awesome and necessary. It took me a long time to get here, but I did it.

You can see from other threads that I still struggle with depression and getting overwhelmed. But I did learn this: I will NEVER let my husband take anything from me again. It would be nice if he could contribute to my life, but even if he doesn't, I'm gonna live it to the best of my ability, and he is not allowed to take anything from me -- not money, friends, time, or self-esteem.

You can start on a journey to freedom (even within your marriage). I am living testimony that it can be done.

October 10, 2006
2:36 pm
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armyleo
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Now I really feel crazy for talking to myself.

Do you every feel like a caged lion. I do alot of the time. It's like I don't know what's wrong with me.

October 10, 2006
2:40 pm
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armyleo
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Jas, if I said that I would really not see tomorrow. Yikes! "Not my problem" and "None of your business."

I don't know if my H would let me go to counseling. I suggested that, to him once that we should go. He just laughed in my face. Then he said I better not go, because our life is no one's business.

you have courage -

October 10, 2006
2:47 pm
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Co-Dependent No More is a great book,
you are not unlovable, get the books jastypes suggested, if you cant afford them get them from the library.
start working on you, i am still trying to convince myself that my xh isnt my problem, and you know, last time i saw him, i didnt feel one ounce of responsibility for him or his actions. i hope you can get the courage to stand up for yourself.
we are all here for you.

October 10, 2006
2:52 pm
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armyleo
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I'm not quite sure what Co-Dependant means but, does it mean it's me who has the problem? He's always telling me that. I thought I saw another tread on that. I'll look it up.

back to pacing, I wish night would get here so I can just get it over with! I don't want to face him, he is going to be angry...

October 10, 2006
2:55 pm
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armyleo
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I can't stand this!! I'm going to have a drink. I've got to see what H has around. Either vodka or Tequilla. Maybe I won't feel so jumpy, edgy.

October 10, 2006
2:58 pm
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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codependency is also described as "loving too much". there is a really good book, written quite a while ago called "women who love too much" - and the bottom line is that our childhood programs us to pick abusers as partners - and those partners abuse us, and our response is to try and love them MORE - try to get them to love us back.

When they abuse us, we don't run - we try harder - we try to fix it - we try to do better - we try to make it work - we try to make them love us - perhaps love us like our parents never did.

It means you have a BIG HEART - but also that you picked the wrong person to share it with.

He is the abuser - he's the bigger problem. And until you can get away from him - you can't fix your other "smaller problem".

You need to learn to love yourself with all the effort you love him with - cuz you deserve it - he doesn't.

October 10, 2006
3:04 pm
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jastypes
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Hey! You're a human being. You had a life before you got married, and you get to have one after. Jeez, this irritates me! Why would you give anyone so much power over your life? Doesn't he do whatever he feels like doing? Why shouldn't you? Don't you deserve a life? I say you do!!! Now, if you don't feel that you deserve better, then you NEED to get counseling. You don't know if he would LET you go to counseling? Oh boy. GO!!! What do you think he would do to you? If he hurt you, you should go to the police. If you seriously fear for you life, you need to go to a hospital and they will point you in the direction of a women's abuse program.

He's never going to give you your life back. You're gonna have to take it! You can do this!!!

October 10, 2006
3:05 pm
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Well Said Rising, "You need to learn to love yourself with all the effort you love him with - cuz you deserve it - he doesn't."
that is so true,

Army, please try to be strong, drinking in a time like this isnt the best idea. it will only hide the pain, then when it comes back, it will be worse.

October 10, 2006
3:15 pm
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armyleo
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Rising - Why is everything about childhood? Someone else on another post said that to. I don't want to think about that.

Jas - I do have to have to ask him. If he doesn't agree, then I can't go. It would only make my situation worse.

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