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Doubting Myself Again.....Help
February 19, 2004
2:37 pm
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LCV
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September 24, 2010
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So in my thread from before I was questioning domestic violence. As stated previously, I have not been hit, but have been grabbed, bit, pushed, and he accidentally slammed the car door on my arm. Now I have decided to file for divorce. My husband is devastated...I have left my house to stay with my dad for awhile, but have not told my husband that I have been to a lawyer. He told me that he doesn't want me to do this behind his back..that I should be able to talk to him without being guilty or afraid....Now I feel sooooo guilty...Should I tell my husband what I am planning? He has finally started seeing a therapist about 6 weeks now and has an appt to see a psych about getting meds for his mood swings next Tues. Is he changing? Should I give him one last chance? We have been together 9 years...he doesn't understand why when now he is finally trying to help himself that I would leave....Should I follow through????

February 19, 2004
2:42 pm
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artist 2
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NO. It will be a while before he can be worthy of you. Don't talk to him, don't write, don't call, don't email. Carry on with your attorney. File those papers. Don't look back.

He's likely to get very violent - more so than before and try to find you - BE CAREFUL!!! I cannot stress this enough.

February 19, 2004
2:45 pm
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Zinnie
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LCV,

Again... I'm not one to abdicate divorce - EXCEPT in cases of infedility and abuse.

I guess the ultimate question is: is he only changing because he knows this is it?

From what you have said about it... he knows you are serious about it this time. Very serious. He is going to do anything he can to keep you there.

Stay with your Dad, keep yourself safe. So, you filed for a divorce - you can still go to couples counseling, although like we all discussed before - if you are not going specifically to deal with the spousal abuse, the help will not be there. He has already tried talking you out of going, and has already tried talking you out of going to the DV classes. Keep going, and keep yourself strong.

Sorry sweetie, but it really sounds like he is trying the "honeymoon phase" and hoping that will be enough to keep you there.

Z.

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