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DOUBLE DILEMMA, DID YOU JUST TELL ME TO KILL MYSELF :)
November 21, 2006
10:01 pm
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santino
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Wow, that was probably one of the wierdest threads I have ever gotten. Pretty strange indeed. Sorry to dissapoint, but I don't intend to kill myself, that thought has actually, believe it or not, ever crossed my mind. Believe it or not, I actually love life, I'm just going through a break up thats all. I've been here before (10 years ago) and I made it, and I'll make it again. Thanks for the advise though šŸ™‚

November 21, 2006
10:31 pm
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lovinglife
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Santino~ it's been a weird day around here LOL

November 21, 2006
11:55 pm
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doubledilemma
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santino, yes I did and if you are O.K., you are not suffering and I question your need to post about it...I too love life before I had this traumatic psychological experience, which I brought on myself and for which God has seen fit to torture and punish me and to bless this man with possibly a new wife and lots of beautiful women to make love to, if that is not the actual case...so life is not fair, if you like it, well bully-o to you, but I would not care if God took me away from it now, he would be doing me and everyone around me a favour, because nobody, ever has ever suffered at the hands or email of a man who never wished to know a woman for the rest of her life, I swear even a prisoner gets better treatment than the way he treated me, but what does God do, go ahead and bless him and punish me instead, now is that a just God?

November 22, 2006
12:14 am
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Jenni
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Exactly what is this man blessed with?? An ego? The "gift" of using and manipulating women? Sex? What??

If these are things considered "blessings", then that alone, is a pretty sorry existence! (for HIM)

These are not blessings, DD. And you should be thankful to be rid of him and his internet sickness. THAT is what God has blessed you with! The separation from a hurtful and selfish person.

As far as those other women that are "blessed" with his presence, sorry, they will be treated the same way you were at some point. And I also wouldn't consider these women a "blessing" to him! They come and go for him. Not a "prize" if you ask me, nor even CLOSE to marriage material!

This guy could have given you a LIFETIME of bad treatment, BUT...GOD STEPPED IN and is PROTECTING you from this jerk! AMEN!

November 22, 2006
12:45 am
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mamacinnamon
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I totally agree w/ Jenni on this. Have you read the Charmer/Abuser thread? Please do and then decide if this man fits the mold. I think you'll find he does and that you are the one that was blessed, not him.

November 22, 2006
1:32 am
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santino
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double dilemma: God Bless You

November 22, 2006
1:40 am
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free
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That was pretty cool Santino.

May God bless you, too.

free

November 22, 2006
4:35 am
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alycia
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Santino, her reply actually made me laugh. No i am not sick as you have heard from me before, it just astounded me when i read the other post and that advice, not your typical advise.

Due to this being a counselling site i would never say a bad word about anyone but double dilemma said the guy emailed her once and said he was scared of her, i am beginning to understand why...

I am glad she made that response to you and not to someone who is really down and out because i know you have a sense of humour cause if it was said to the wrong person then she could have caused alot of damage.

It does hurt santino and it will for a while, not seeing her will help. You know thats your path to recovery, i wish you lots of strength, more strength than you already have, we just have to wake up, smile and be thankful for all that we have.

You have great kids, steady employment, friends, a great sense of humour and tons of support when you need it.... take care k

November 22, 2006
6:16 am
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snowlover
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Santino,

My hats off to you. You handled that MUCH better than i think I would have been able to. Youre a VERY good man to be so compassionate in the face of a comment like that.

Snow

November 22, 2006
6:56 am
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revelation
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Huh? Oh, I've only been gone a few hours!!!!!!!

Who told you to kill yourself Santino? Oh I must see this!

November 22, 2006
7:02 am
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CAMER
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rev, its way down the list of threads....see GET OVER IT ALREADY!!!

and i must say, i lost my bf to suicide in 2002 and it leaves such an impact on the people (me) who loved him and i have to face that pain the rest of my life, the why's, woul'd haves, could haves etc.

anyways.......Santino, you are a strong man, and I am glad you took the thread "lightly", knowing that "killing" yourself was just a lil bit too much, weird in fact, for DD to say that to you.

(((((camer)))))

November 22, 2006
7:02 am
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snowlover
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Rev,

It got out of line around here yesterday, thats for sure!! I agree with what Alyicia said. Thank goodness the comment wasnt directed at someone who would have really taken it to heart and would have caused great pain. Though, being directed at ANYONE is very inappropriate in my opinion.

Snow

November 22, 2006
7:15 am
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revelation
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I spoke my mind on Santino's thread. Sorry, guys I know DD is bipolar, but I still spoke my mind...I felt sooooo angry.

November 22, 2006
7:23 am
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revelation
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DD, Hi, I just read your reply here to Santino...I am saying this in the nicest possible way, I do not mean to cause any offence at all...but, although this forum here is an excellent resource for people in dire need of strength and support, I do feel that you need more help than this site can give, I do believe you need to seek help from professionals...there are several of us here who along with this site are in therapy too (me included) and I'm also studying psychotherapy (here in Ireland all psychotherapy students must also attend 50 hours of personal therapy as part of their studies). But, I think maybe even counseling might not be the right tool for you...perhaps something a little more diagnostic. Please have a think about it, perhaps ask your doctor about services available in your area.

Rev.

November 22, 2006
8:19 am
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doubledilemma
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Rev

Thank you again, but you are making an assumption...I have been under the care of a consultant psychiatrist for four years, I think and have been to countless therapists, counsellors, psychologists, all practicing within different modalities and schools of thought...if you feel I need a "run down" in terms of where I might be in DSM(IV) well I can talk to you about that and possible other categories I might be in:-

1) Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
2) Affective disorder - depression, ranging from mild to severe, treated with an MAOI
3) Bipolar Disorder - back to Epilim (Sodium Valproate)
4) Possible Borderline Personality Disorder.

Is that what you were thinking of, Rev?

November 22, 2006
11:52 am
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revelation
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Um, no I think you are making assumptions DD on what I'm thinking!!! I'm just thinking you need help with your negative and irrational and illogical thought process....I don't give a damn about DSM's!!!!

Rev.

November 22, 2006
12:04 pm
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RaggedyAnn
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oh my God, what happened here? You come here for some help and support and this is what you get???

Discouraging to say the least.

November 22, 2006
12:21 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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Raggedy Ann,

please don't let what has gone on sway your judgement of this site.

I haven't been here much, and just logged in to find this mess.

It is apparent that double dilemna has some painful stuff going on and is lashing out and others are "reacting" to the words coming from her mouth.

And in ways, I don't blame them because some of the stuff she is saying is disturbing.

Sometimes it's hard to be supportive when things that are being said are so disturbing.

From what I gather, double dilemna is married and pissed at the world and god because a man she met online was nasty to her because she made a fantasy out of their interactions and she scared him off and now she's mad at god cuz he walked away, and gets to pursue his life in his own way.

Now I will address double - so I don't speak like she isn't here.

DD - you are married? and you were married when you met this guy online? and you seemed to have created this fantasy relationship with him? and he seemed to get scared by your actions and told you to leave him alone? and now you are upset with god cuz he is dating other women and not dating you?

do I have your story right?

I guess my question would be why you are seeking out other men while you are married.

I have met men online and I know that it's easy to assume they mean something they don't. To read in between the lines and come to conclusions that aren't accurate or real. But you have made constant assertions that you stalked him. Did you really? or where you just accused of it?

Why would you be upset about losing a man that clearly isn't interested in you? especially when you have a husband at home?

I think that it's important to take your bipolar meds consistently...but I know many bipolar people, and they don't lash out like you do.

In some ways, your words scare me. They sound so irrational.

I understand the idea of DSM's, but wonder if you just haven't found the right doctor to help you thru this. Your feelings are so strong and your grip on reality seems so weak.

And to come to a support site and tell someone to kill themselves to make the other person feel bad for the rest of their lives is just plain horrible. Life is precious and we are all hear on this site trying to make the most out of the life we were given, no matter how horrible we feel our present circumstances are. We were dealt lemons and we are here trying to learn to make lemonade out of it.

I won't tell you that this site is not for you, but I will say that I think you need some more professional guidance and we may not be able to really help much here. And you aren't the first person I have said this to. Sometimes an online support group, a bunch of laypersons, just isn't equipped to understand how you are feeling and thinking or help you get a grip on true reality.

I do wish you the best, and hope that whoever reads your posts, understand that it comes from a person who is hurting badly and may not have the right words to share. And telling someone to kill themselves is NOT the right words, no matter how you look at it.

as others have said, I am glad that santino knows how to take what he needs and leave the rest, and that your words didn't fall into the lap of someone who was already close to the edge and got pushed over by them.

November 22, 2006
2:35 pm
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cyndra820
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Okay, admittedly, I am playing catchup on this thread. The title really caught my eye. Thanks Santino.

It's really weird to have actually read that. I now understand why Alycia wrote what she did about you having a sense of humor. I've only posted to you a few times and I know you are pretty well grounded.

Snow was right, you are compassionate and kind.

Geez, that was just so dang weird. Glad you won't be following that advice!! šŸ™‚

November 22, 2006
9:45 pm
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doubledilemma
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Yes, I agree life is precious, but others lives are not precious to some, not to the people who harm them, if life WAS so precious, people would think twice about how they dispose of other people online, now wouldn't they? I feel terribly guilty if I have said anyone to pusy Santoro or anyone else over the edge, I just feel that because I have not been helped my any meds, or psychotherapy or counselling, that I should take my own life, but I can't do that as it would upset too many people, but everywhere I turn, everywhere I look, I can see no solution, no forgiveness by him for my suffering, no end in sight, no way of dealing with the loss and grief that I could possibly never realistically realise my dreams...the mistake I made was going on line two years ago, perhaps I should have died then rather than face reality in the face, which is what this man has shown me, in a funny way, it is this man himself who has shown me how painful and truly excruciating reality is and that perhaps as humans we do live too long and therefore, why we have this pain...there are people, like the UK man who don't suffer emotional pain, they would never have the need for a site like this, they are the lucky ones in life, we unfortunately are not and have cruel circumstances forced upon us.

I have been through all the gamut of psychologist and my psychiatrist says I have incurable OCD and no medication has helped. My husband says I am a looney at times and says I stalked this guy, the email I received is the exact kind of email you are advised to send to someone who is cyberstalking you, so yes, that is quite correct...getting unwanted emails, even though they were only a few, is cyberstalking, finding out his work phone no in the UK and getting my girlfriend to call him is cyberstalking...

God, please give ME to courage to take my life, please dear God, give me the courage to end my life just like this man did, please God I ask you to take me away, please God, take me away now, or at least do something to ease my pain, do something to remove this man from my memory permanently, please GOD.

November 22, 2006
9:57 pm
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santino
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DD: I'm so sorry you feel this way, don't worry about pushing me over the edge, I'm ok. I wish you the best and hope you find happiness, good luck. My prayers to you and your recovery.

November 23, 2006
8:18 am
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startingover
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Santino

You are one class act, an absolutely fine man, and I hope to find someone as good as you in my life. You are wise beyond your years; you are able to deal with some real difficult folks with style and finese. I couldn't do it myself.

SO

November 23, 2006
8:26 am
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taj64
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Santino, ditto what SO said!

November 23, 2006
1:51 pm
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santino
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Thanx friends šŸ™‚ I try šŸ™‚

November 23, 2006
2:07 pm
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loverbee
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Ok, first off, santino, wow I commend you on your reaction. I have no idea what I would have done if someone said that to me. Second, I am going to speak as an ex suicidal for a moment. About eight years ago, when I was 15, I began cutting myself. It felt wonderful to watch the pain ooze out of me (sorry to get graphic, I do have a point) and once I had begun to tolerate the pain, I slit my wrists. I passed out from the blood loss on my bathroom floor and woke up several hours later. I thank god every day that I didn't actually succeed. Point and case, SUICIDE should NOT be taken lightly. It is so sad that people feel the need to do this thinking it will all just make everything better. Now, eight years later I have been going through a breakup myself and it was with the love of my life who is also my best freind. It hurts tremendously but even being an ex cutter and all I have not thought about suicide once. Life is too precious. So DD get help. That is sick that you would tell someone to do that. You are not god, stop trying to play god. I don't mean to be mean but honestly what if your advice had resulted in someones suicide? Then what. So happy thanksgiving to all and I hope you all realize how precious you are.

To the world you may be just one person, but to just one person you may be the world.

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