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DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!
January 25, 2001
5:01 pm
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TEE
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WELL I BEEN SEEING THIS MAN FOR ABOUT 10 MONTH AND I REALLY STARTED GETTING INTO HIM...WE GO OUT AND HAVE FUN AND I REALLY ENJOY HIS COMPANY...I THOUGHT WE WERE GETTING SERIOUS AND WE REALLY STARTED SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER...HE WENT OUT OF TOWN ON BUSINESS FOR TWO WEEKS AND WHEN HE RETURN HE HAD CALL ME...I RESPONDED TO HIME AND HE TOLD ME HE HAD SOMETHING TO TELL ME..SO I HAD SOMETHING TO TELL HIM TOO...SO HE SAID WHAT HE HAD TO SAY THAT HE WAS GETTING BACK WITH HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND AND THEY ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED AND SHE WILL BE MOVING DOWN HERE IN APRIL TO LIVE WITH HIM...SO I WAS UPSET AND DID NOT WANT TO TALK TO HIM...BUT HE WANTED TO KNOW WHAT I HAD TO TELL HIM..HE KEPT CALLLING AND PAGING ME UNTIL HE JUST GOT ME OVER TO HIS HOUSE...HE TOLD ME HE CARES FOR ME BUT HE DID NOT KNOW HOW I FELT IN WHICH HE DID BECAUSE I ALWAYS TOLD HIM SO HE ASK ME WHAT DID I HAVE TO TELL HIM SO I TOLD HIM THAT I WAS PREGNANT...NOW HE WANTS ME TO ABORT THE BABY...

January 25, 2001
5:21 pm
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mara
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that is a bummer or a blessing, you do not need a man to raise a baby. your choice, do you want to have the baby?

January 25, 2001
5:38 pm
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aoli
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first of all you have to know if you wanna keep the baby.if i were you ,i would abord the baby and start a new life.your ex-friend doesn't deserve your love.Maybe you will find someone better and start a big happy familly with that someone.

January 25, 2001
6:29 pm
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TEE
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I WANT TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE AS FAR AS THE BABY IN CONCERN...MY MOM DID NOT GET RID OF ME...SO WHY NOT GIVE THIS BABY A CHANCE AT LIFE.

January 25, 2001
7:06 pm
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Alena
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First of all, I'm so sorry for your pain. It's a miserable situation to be in even when you aren't pregnant.
How far along are you?

Are you in any kind of position to raise a baby? Are you old enough?
Mature/emotionally healthy enough?

If it were me, I would either have the baby and raise it, or give it up for adoption. Personally, I know I would raise it. Adoption wouldn't even be an option for me.

I've been married twice. The first time I was married in June, pregnant in November, seperated by the time my baby was born. Divorced by the time he was a year old and raised this baby boy by myself from day one. I left my husband when I was 6 mos. pregnant and never looked back. It was difficult. I had the support of my whole family, which helped. If you want this baby, you can do it. You never know what's out there for you and your baby, could be a happy family in your future with a wonderful loving man. It was for me.
If you abort it, there is nothing for that baby. Can you live with that?
That whole abortion thing is another topic entirely for another thread.

Please give yourself some time, maybe some counselling if you're really torn. Don't do anything rash until you explore all of your options.

As far as your boyfriend, 10 mos is a long time to go with someone for him to just decide to go back with this other chick. I wouldn't depend on him coming back. The fact that he wants an abortion doesn't sound promising. I'm not trying to force my beliefs on you. I just know that for every horror story out there about unwanted children being raised by abusive parents, I can tell you there are plenty of single parents raising children they love and treasure.

Take a good look at all your options.

Lots of good wishes, blessings, and peace. You can get through this.

January 25, 2001
8:27 pm
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Molly
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The fact that he is telling you to abort, says allot about him, and the relationship, he can take a hike. Not even close to a man. The decision to abort or keep the child is yours and yours alone, providing that you are within the 12 week period. After that , I say it is your child. I would not consider adoption, my personal feeling. There is a lifetime hangover with abortion, not necessarily guilt, or remorse, it is hard to explain. My thoughts are how old are you, do you have family support, are you ready for the struggle, and gifts of being a single mother. Don't count on anything from the sperm donor, money or time, or try to hold on to him with the child. this is a hard decision, but you are the only one who can decide.

January 25, 2001
8:29 pm
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TEE
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THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS...FIRST OF ALL I'M 27 YEARS OLD AND I WORK FOR COUNTY...SO I CAN PROVIDE FOR THE BABY...BUT I DON'T THINK I'M READY EMOTIONALLY TO TAKE CARE OF A BABY ALONE...IT'S REALLY HAD TRYING TO BE A SINGLE PARENT RAISING A BABY...IN A WAY I WANT TO HAVE THE BABY AND THEN AGAIN I DON'T...I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO...

January 25, 2001
8:36 pm
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solitary
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I can tell you by my current situation that I know exactly what you are going through. I am 5 months pregnant myself although my fiance expressed his wishes when I first found out. I made the decision to keep the child, no matter what the outcome of my relationship is. I have no clue whether you are financially, emotionally, and physically capable of having a child. But think hard on what is best in the long run for you. Yeah, an abortion sounds real easy.. but believe me it is not. It is a decision that you will have to deal with for the rest of your life. Stay strong and keep your head up. If you give a problem some time to think through..chances are the best decision will come of it. Good Luck.

January 26, 2001
10:39 am
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Layla
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Trying to decide to keep or terminate a pregnancy is one of that hardest decisions that some women must face. You do need to think about what is best for you, but on the other hand, your time to make that decision is limited. How do you picture your life to be when the timing is very right to have a baby? How different is that from where you are today? Most OB/GYNs and other providers that do abortions have people there trained to counsel you before you make your final decision, what about talking with them? They may be able to ask you questions that will help you decide. My thought is - whatever you decide, just be sure. Good luck to you!

January 26, 2001
12:22 pm
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Alena
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Tee, it IS hard to raise a baby on your own. Heck, it's hard to raise a baby with a husband too.

When you think that you do want to keep the baby, write down why and what you think it will be like.
When you don't want to keep the baby, think about why and write that down.

Be very honest, the list is just for you to look at, nobody else. Look at those reasons. Take a really good assessment of your thoughts about the future.

You haven't mentioned how far along you are. That's a pretty important element to this decision.

January 26, 2001
4:21 pm
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janes
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Alena is so right....It's hard to raise kids no matter what. But as a teacher I have seen some wonderful single moms.

The key is love and a willingness to learn and do the best.

I had my first when I was 17 and adopted her to a loving family who couldn't have kids. She got in touch when whe was 20. We have a great relationship now and my next four kids call her their sister...not 1/2 but sister. She's a concert pianist and a teacher and is now 31...whew. does that bring back memories.

Have you thought about adoption as an option? My sister is one of those people who can't have kids and the adoption stuff gets ignored to much.

With today's open adoption the birth mom is sometimes also a part of the family.

It's your choice but...I am real glad that silly guy is out of your life...I
think his advantages ..... weren't

Keep us posted!!!

January 26, 2001
5:47 pm
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TEE
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THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP AND COMMENTS...BUT JUST SO SCARED RIGHT NOW AND I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO...

January 26, 2001
6:25 pm
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Molly
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How far along are you? Make your lists of why and why not, reflect on the answers. 27 is still young, you still have lots of time left to have the family thing, or babies, if you might be considering the clock issue. No one can help you make the choice, that is the hard part, sorry. I can tell you that it is hard with or with out the father, when I divorced the girls father I thought what the heck he doesn't do anything any how, then I discovered as a single mom, that there was an invisible support, not measurable until its absence. Then when I remarried, I thought my spouse would pick up in the absence of support, in my personal experience, he was more of an obstical, than an assett. He couldn't even provide me with emotional support, he had the attitude, that they had a father, and that is another thing to consider. It will be hard to date, hard to have a romantic life, and after my experience with step families, would have waited until the children were grown until I tried to start anew. I would speak with a counselor who can help you focus. The longer you wait, the less choice you have.

January 26, 2001
7:36 pm
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counslr336
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Tee, it sounds to me like you are looking for some one to tell you what to do. The only one that can do it is yourself. You do know what to do or what you are going to do only you do not want to bear the burden by yourself. You need to change the "I do not know what to do", to "what is the right thing to do for ME and my unborn Child" You have received very good sugesstions on this matter. the only thing for you to do is to think about the present situation and what YOU are going to do to resolve it. It is not easy, but no body else can do it for you . Ask for help from HIGHER up. God bless

January 29, 2001
5:11 pm
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lewis
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Tee
If u have ANY doubts, now is the time to deal with them. What people don't realise about abbortion is the emotional side afterwards. Follow your instincts.
If I was in your shoes and I'm 28, I'd be SO scared, but I think I'd keep it, but thats because I'd find it hard to deal with an abortion emotionally far worse than keeping the child.
As for the bloke, sometimes, I never stop being let down,your better off without him. However if u have the child, there will always be a connection, thats not to encorage u to have the child, but he will be a part of your childs life.

Take care

January 29, 2001
7:13 pm
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Alena
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Hold on a minute...I just have to add one more thing.

I know I'm getting waaayyyyyy ahead of the story here, but it doesn't always work out that the guy is involved forever just because he is "biologically" involved.

I have living proof.

I was married to my son's father, not a boyfriend of 10 months. He was an emotional and physical threat to me and my unborn son, I left before he was born, husband never saw child, I was adamant about it because of his lifestyle, he lost interest, 2 years later I married a great guy who adopted my son and raised him and former husband lost all rights. End of story.

And if your ex-boyfriend is getting married, and he wants you to abort, chances are reeeaaallll good he wants nothing to do with this baby(nor will his wife) and you can raise him on your own if you want to. Forego the child support and you are on your way.

I just wanted you to be aware of the other path some fathers take.....just a thought.

Being pregnant forces us to look into the future and plan for it. That's the scary part. Just boppin along through life, thinking the normal stuff is going to happen to us, no need to jump into any future plans, we're only responsible for ourselves.
You say you are scared, it's understandable.

But you need to get strong, face the facts and deal with it. The moment you conceived, you (not him) became responsible for another human life. Thats' the chance we take when we take chances. Nobody can make this decision for you. They can try, but they cant live with the consequences as you will be forced to.

Take a bunch of deep cleansing breaths, you need to get it together.

January 30, 2001
3:13 pm
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TEE
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I'M GOING TO KEEP THE BABY...THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP...SO I'M GOING TO GET READY EMOTIONALLY FOR THIS BABY AND BEING A SINGLE PARENT...THANKS TEE

January 30, 2001
10:17 pm
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Alena
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I wish you well Tee.

It will probably be very emotional for you, good and bad. But pregnancy is a hormone hurricane most times anyway.

Somewhere out there, there's a quote about how anything worthwhile never comes easy.

God bless you and remember to take good care of yourself, mentally and physically.

Peace and good vibes....

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