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Don't get hooked- how? Tracylyn?
February 3, 2005
1:09 pm
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kc30
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September 27, 2010
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Hi Tracylyn
You've given me some very very good advice, and I know in my guts that the only way out of this mess is to change my reactions.

given the level he's sunk to, how do you stay cool, calm and collected and NOT get drawn into a big pissing match? I'm so tired of this foolishness. I just want it over...

I'm open to suggestions....

February 4, 2005
1:35 pm
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tracylyn
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September 24, 2010
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kc -

It's hard to do I know....I still let my ex get to me every now and then but it is just no longer worth it to let him know.

I think it's a mindset. Just knowing that you are above coming down to his level. He wants to get to you, you wants to see you react. He knows if he can still get to you, even in an adverse way, that he still has just that little bit of power and control.

You probably have to decide for yourself if the getting nasty or even or namecalling and fighting is going to do any good. For you, it probably lets out some stress...but probably also adds to it as well. If you have to...punch a pillow, take up boxing and put his picture on a punching bag. Just keep strong in your mind that when you react....you are giving him exactly what he wants. When you don't, it leaves him with nothing.

I think for me it took making that final detachment. When you no longer care what that person thinks or feels about you....you are able to walk away. There is such a fine line between love and hate. They are both strong emotions that drive how we react to people. When you finally get to that point when their opinion doesn't matter then you stop defending who you are to them....cause what they think doesn't matter.

Taking the higher ground also makes you just feel better about yourself. You feel in control. You control your emotions and reactions, not him.

Hang in there...it all takes time to get to each step along the way.

t

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