
12:37 am

September 24, 2010

I don't feel it anymore. I am cold and insensitive. I use to be compassionate. Those feelings began to change when i lost my first love and my best friend betrayed me.
In the army i managed to continue compassion. I was helping people with their emotions, but, when I needed help none of them were there for me.
I wanted to be a counsiler, but, circumstances, going out of control, led me to change my mind. When someone has emotional problems i no longer care. My own problems keep me from helping others.
I have been without personal Love too long. I do not feel it anymore...I am without motivation, without purpose, and without love. This deppression I am in, reflects in my views towards family, friends, and people in general. I want to get out of it, but, it looks like the only way is if Life throws me something positive.
?how can i help myself? I feel like I am alone in this struggle.......
11:15 am

September 30, 2010

12:29 am

September 27, 2010

go talk to someone...tell youself positive things everyday. I used to feel that way, too for a long time. I harbored all of these angry, irritable feelings. I think it starts with two things...fear and loneliness. I was afraid of opening up my feelings and I closed myself off from people and then I felt the loneliness that caused me to feel bitter and resentful of people. I think when you feel this way, it is your minds way of telling you that you need to concentrate on getting yourself better. but there is also danger in isolating yourself from others. The trick is to find a balance.
I've always heard that when you've given you last ounce of energy, give more to others. I think there is a sense of renewed confidence when you give to others. Maybe if you volunteer your time to other people, you will once again "feel" in your heart. Also, i think the benefits of counseling is immeasurable.
2:28 pm

September 27, 2010

12:05 am

September 30, 2010

12:28 am

September 30, 2010

I went through something similar. For the entire month of July I was paralyzed with depression. I thought I would never have the capability to live life again. I stopped eating, sleeping,and I isolated myself from everyone. The only thing that got me through (aside from counseling, and medication) was love. Love in itself is a healing thing. When you give love to the world the world gives it back 10 fold. It is something you can grasp and hold on to. I don't mean love in the sence of an intimate relationship, I mean the love I received from my family, friends, and co-workers.I gave up hiding my depression. I hid for 24 and 1/2 years. The worst thing I could have ever done was hide. It is a big weight lifted off my shoulders that others know my illness. They watched me crawl through it. In order to regain love for others and yourself think back of a time when those feelings were a part of your life. Were you happy then? What did you do to get to that place? Even though it sucks to be betrayed and abandoned, everyone goes through it at one point or another. Luckily enough, you are getting yours over with.:) Look, I am 25 years old, but I feel as though I experienced a lot for my age. Who would have thought a 24yr old female, who works full time, quite sociable,would have a nervous breakdown? It blindsided my family that's for sure.So, whychild, keep posting because this too helped me recover. Any help I can offer I will be happy to do so. BE patient. Even though it may not seem like it now, this will pass. I never thought it would but each day gets a little easier. Oh, and don't be discouraged if you feel shitty one day after having a few good days. That's how this demon usually works. Take care, and keep writing.
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