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Domestic Violence vs Drug Use
August 21, 2005
9:04 pm
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LCV
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Well, I've been around this board for over a year, I don't post much anymore but always read through the threads.....I have been going to counseling and domestic violence support groups, read books, gone to CODA, etc ect AND I just found out last week that the abusive person in my life (my husband)has been using methamphetamine for approx 2/5 years....everything that I thought about our problems is now tuned up-side-down.....He says he's going to quit now and is happy that I found out. He wants me to stay and see him through it. After all I have been through already....I don't know if I can stay anymore.....I feel so guilty if I leave now...but I don't feel that I can trust him either...Does anyone have any insight on how it goes when someone is trying to stop doing drugs??????

Thanks for your help...
LCV

August 21, 2005
9:27 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Drug use and domestic violence are two different problems. DOn't make the mistake of thinking that him getting clean will make him be less abusive.

August 22, 2005
1:01 pm
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LCV
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Jeez, I didn't even think about that. I just figured one caused the other.....I am confused.....

August 22, 2005
1:09 pm
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two problems, two issues - and you need to decide in your heart what your tolerance level is.

While it's possible his abuse causes violent tendencies - he may also use to make himself "less" violent too - to drug himself...or they may be independent of eachother.

the road to recover for him is going to be long - and I don't buy the "I'm happy you found out, I think I will quit now" angle - he should quit because he thinks it's the right thing to do, not cuz he got busted.

The trust is gone - you didn't now he was using for so long - you may always look around corners, searching for signs - all the meetings you went to can prepare you for how much work is ahead of you - but you almost have to start over with a whole new set of issues and anxieties and sources.

quitting drugs or alcohol takes a toll on a physical well being - detox is ugly and can take a huge toll on a relationship - and it depends on how committed he is. If he is violent, it could potentially get worse if he has nothing to take to to calm him down. He is going to feel physically and mentally ill.

If you choose to stay - get to your own meetings to see you thru this - it's not going to be easy.

I wish you luck in making your decision, it's not an easy one.

(((HUGS)))

August 22, 2005
3:32 pm
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LCV
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Thank you for the info. Every day there just seems to be more and more to think about......

LCV

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