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domestic violence fears
February 5, 2007
4:47 pm
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search4peace
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Hi everyone,
I wanted to let eveyone know that I'm still around.

Thanks grace. I haven't been able to read all the info on justicewomen.org but I will. There is so much info and since I can't print anything now. I have to take notes.

God Bless
Search

February 5, 2007
5:04 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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glad to know you are still around. I am thinking of you.

February 5, 2007
7:33 pm
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gracenotes
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search4peace,

Thanks for checking in. Good to hear from you, been thinking of you.

Take care. One reason I suggested that website to you is because it gives possibilities of others helping you in this process of leaving. You don't have to do it all by yourself, and we are here to support you.

Take care.

February 6, 2007
3:02 pm
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search4peace
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grace,
The website is great. I'm waiting to see if the site knows of another site in my area. There must be some state statues that states the police have to take a police report.

I will let you know.
Take care
God Bless
Search

February 6, 2007
8:21 pm
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gracenotes
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search4peace,

I am so glad that this site is being of help to you. That sounds like a good question. Is there a way you could anonymously call the police in your town to get that info? Also, the city where I live has a police website. Does your city have a police website? May be info there? Are you able to email the police and ask that question? Its easy to get an email address, through yahoo, gmail, hotmail, and it could be private to you.

Take care, Grace

February 6, 2007
10:55 pm
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Slowly Learning
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Search4Peace,

I'm sorry, I'm new on this site and wonder why you question whether police have to take a report?

I ask because 1) I have been around the block a couple of times in reporting stuff to the police and having them act and not act and would be willing to let you know my experience with it; 2) if I knew why you question this, I may be able to offer some insite as to alternatives.. ie. even the police have a boss and if they are not taking reports that you are wanting to file, sometimes we have to go to a higher official. If it is the state police, then you may want to contact the state government by calling their 'general' line to ask the question of who governs over the police and sets their policies.

Anyway, if you feel comfortable enough, let me know why and I (and others too) may be able to give some insight.

As victims, sometimes we have to get real loud.. not to the abuser, but to those who we reach out to to get help.

There are also other ways of getting protection without the police.. ie. getting an emergency intervention order through the courts. I am not sure whether this would be available in your area or not.. something you may want to look into. An emergency intervention order will protect you and your children from him coming or having contact, will give you temporary custody of your children until you can get a proper court order, etc. Women's safe houses have the ability to do these things and are a very valuable and resourceful tool.

February 7, 2007
4:28 pm
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search4peace
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Hi,
Well, I've had a belly full. Last nite he threatened to beat my headwith the hammer or a steel mallet. He did kick me in my throat. I don't care anymore. It's me or him and I'm not going to let him beat me with the hammer or anything else. He knows I'm not going to return. He is sick with IBS along other sicknesses. Well, this is it.

Yes, Slow, I could get an order of protection here but I've been threatened that he would kill me before I walk into the building. Plus, he knows a lot of police and a many politicans in this city and state. I will have to be very careful. In this state, if you know people you can find out anything. I hate the idea of living under cover and worrying about going to work but I've had enough. This is the line and he will not cross it because I won't let him.

I'm ready for a change and I know I will make this happen for me. I owe it to myself. I'm not good enough for him but I have self worth and I'm good enough for me. I only have to live with me, I have to accept myself, I'm tried of denying myself happiness wondering when the next time he will get mad because I said something, walked, talked or stood the wrong way. What kind of life is that to live. He is in control from the moment I awake until he goes to sleep sometimes even when he asleep. I remember when I had to stand up for 5-7 hrs and couldn't go to the loo. No more. No more.

Pray for me.
God Bless
Search

February 7, 2007
4:33 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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I am glad to hear a strong voice from you. I hope that you go to some authority so that your voice will be heard. The marks on your body ought to speak to anyone in authourity. Please take care of yourself.

February 7, 2007
4:45 pm
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gracenotes
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search4peace,

My prayers are with you. Enough is enough.

Have you ever thought of just walking into an emergency room at a hospital. The marks on your body speak for themselves. The whole medical model is based on the principle of safety first. I am wondering if you did this, then you would be in a safe place, the police could arrive, there would be help there. Social workers could get you somewhere.

Are you SURE he has an in with the police and politicians? That is so often a game of abusers. They always fabricate that they know all these people in "high" places, when in fact they probably do not.

Take care!!!

February 7, 2007
10:57 pm
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Slowly Learning
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Search4Peace,

My prayers are with you!

If you find yourself doubting, I would suggest don't and reach out for the strength of your friends and supporters.. ie. me and I'll lend you mine.

Safe houses or women's transition houses are also a good option. I used one when I had to leave my situation.. even though my ex was already incarcerated.. I still had to ensure I was safe for court from his new girlfriend and his family. If it wasn't for the transition house, I wouldn't have been able to get out and away as I did. They opened avenues for me.. including getting me the heck out of dodge.

I don't know what your exact situation is. In my situation, I was so tired of everything and had had my 'enough is enough'. Nothing mattered to me anymore except me and the kids' safety. Money .. I had none... not even $1.00. I had my car but what use was that without money.. and besides .. my car made me more visible and easier to find. My job, I didn't care about anymore either cause it was another avenue for him to haunt me through. My house (thank goodness I was renting) I walked away from... All of the furniture.. I put as much as I could in storage within the 24 hours I had to pack and move it.. everything else including a garage full of tools and materials was left behind as it was. The tools and stuff were mine as I used to do woodworking as a hobby. When it came down to the line.. I didn't care. All I wanted was out and to do something to feel safe. When the option came for me and the kids to move away to ensure it all stopped.. it was a no-brainer question and I jumped at the opportunity. As scary as it was to go to a place where I knew no one for miles around, etc... it was my opportunity to feel comfortable to fully explore and find out who I was, create my own world.. and live life the best I could... my options were entirely open and life would be what I made of it... It was the best choice I have made in MY LIFE!

When it came to the actual leaving, because of the finances, I left that province with a gas voucher for $80 and $60 food voucher to get me and the kids as far as I wanted to go.. the transition house made the arrangements at my arrival end for my accommodation and resources to get set up here. We moved 8.5 hours away... 850 km.

Are there children involved that you need to get custody of? If so, I'd suggest that you file some kind of report with someone... so it is documented and immediately take action to file something in family law court to get temp custody. If it is just you... what do you want to accomplish by going to the police? Sometimes a quiet exit is best... no need for anyone including a prosecetor to know where you are so you can attend court against him....One of the reasons why I couldn't leave before his trial... I had to testify against him and no way was I going to have my new location put on any government computer or file for him to find.

You may also have to lose contact with your friends and family for a while to ensure your safety... and I would suggest keeping where you are as much of a secret as possible and only telling one or two people who you completely trust to not say a word about where you are to anyone.

Take care of YOURSELF, my thoughts are with you.

February 8, 2007
10:49 am
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search4peace
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Good Morning,
I can finally say that and more important mean it.

Thanks for your prayers.
Gracenotes, yes he knows many politicans who he has introduced me to. One of his parents was a judge and his cousin is a retired federal judge. I know people won't risk their jobs for him but his family helped a lot of politicans get elected. Regardless, I will still be careful.

I have a dr's appt. today so I will see what can be done. I've been hit so many times on my head until when I lay down on the right side, I get dizzy and it is difficult to stand. I often lose my balance. I know something is wrong but with all the MRIs and CT scans the drs haven't found anything. It is wierd because I'm going to the best hospital in the city. I don't think they are checking the right thing.

Slowly Learning,
I'm glad you escaped. Fortunately, I don't have children. If I did I wouldn't have stayed this long or so I tell myself. Right now, I'm at work and with all the threats I don't know how long I will have this job. But God has given me strength to leave. If I lose this job then I will get something else that's better.

God Bless everyone and you are in my prayers. I'm so glad God lead me to this avenue.

If anyone is interested ivillage.com
has a good information on domestic violence.

Search

February 8, 2007
12:38 pm
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Loralei
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search, no matter who your abuser's connections are, they would be committing political suicide if they protected him instead of you. The court of public opinion is on YOUR side and they are the ones that vote. If nothing else, you can always go to the newspaper and tell them your story. Exposing abuse to the light is how you get rid of it. Good luck to you. And yes, you can always find another job.

February 8, 2007
4:32 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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I agree with Loralei. There is a lot more support in law enforcement for women then there used to be.

February 8, 2007
6:33 pm
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gracenotes
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Search,

I agree with both Lorelei and Tiger Trainer. And, again, I am going to state that this is part of the abuser's pretenses of knowing important people. Maybe he does know these people, but I think much of this is fabrication. I don't think any of these important people would want any association with allowing a man to continue to severely abuse a woman. That would be political stupidity of the highest degree. The truth of all of this will eventually be revealed anyway. I would closely examine all the messages he has stated and assess their truth.

My blessing to you, Search. I am sure your higher power has led to here to this new site and your new friends to help you take the next important steps.

February 8, 2007
6:44 pm
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Anonymous
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Search

Just wanted you to know that I'm following along and I'm rooting for you! Keep your conviction tight to you, it might waver but don't forget the goal.

I'm cheering as loud as I can from the sidelines here. Please keep posting and keep us informed,
love,
Walking

February 9, 2007
10:09 am
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Anonymous
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(((search4peace))) Thinking of you and your safety.

February 9, 2007
5:43 pm
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lollipop3
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(((Search4peace))),

I'm rooting for you as well. My thoughts are with you and I pray that you find the peace you are searching for...and so greatly deserve.

Love,
Lolli

February 9, 2007
6:21 pm
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(search4peace)

February 13, 2007
2:41 pm
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gracenotes
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(((search4peace))),

Just thinking of you. Hope you are okay? Take care.

February 13, 2007
2:59 pm
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thewall
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Search4peace,

You are in my prayers. Perhaps your dizziness is an inner ear issue. Maybe he has busted your ear drum and when you lay on a certain side the pressure builds up or something?

Be careful girl and PLEASE be safe and get the help you need in order to stay safe and live a full peaceful life.
Let me know how you are doing.

thewall

February 13, 2007
4:47 pm
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((search4peace))
I hope you are okay.

February 27, 2007
9:43 pm
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gracenotes
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(((searchforpeace))),

Are you okay? I noticed you have not checked in here lately. Was thinking of you.

March 2, 2007
8:19 pm
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(((searchforpeace))
I am hoping you are okay

March 3, 2007
3:04 pm
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Anonymous
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Thinking of you...hope all is well

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