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Does this make me CD?
August 28, 2006
1:34 pm
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confused_in_canada
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So I've been reading the posts for a few weeks, and popped a response here and there on a couple. I orginally had this big huge post I was gonna start with, but had a problem with not being registered and all that jazz... anyways.

So as a quick discussion point, if I love doing things for others, but have problems, or discomfort when they try to do things for me does that imply that I'm CD?

The reason that I ask, is that next week my GF is taking me out of town for my birthday, and already it's starting to make me anxious.... I took her out of town for her birthday, booked a romantic room for us, pretended that we were in Denver for the LesMis play (she wanted to see it but was just too much for me to fly the both of us there) and she said it was best birthday gift anyone had given her... I know that she is doing something similar, and I should just sit back and enjoy and all but....

Thoughts? comments?

August 28, 2006
2:02 pm
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looking forward mom
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Hi confused. You may or may not be CD. It sounds more like you are uneasy about her spending that much money on your birthday. The gentlemanly thing to do is to pay for the lady. It sounds like she wants to just return the romance that you gave her for her birthday. You can read books and other posts to see if you are codependent, but I think you should just relax and go with the flow on this one. Ask yourself do you have control issues? Are you uneasy because she is controlling this instead of you? Those are just my thoughts. I hope you can relax and enjoy what she is wanting to give you. Romance isn't dead afterall.
LFM

August 28, 2006
3:02 pm
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confused_in_canada
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No I don't think it's a money thing. Although the first few months I wouldn't let her pay for things like gas etc if we drove somewhere... I've started to ease up on that a bit...

No it's more like I guess I've had self esteem issues at times and just don't think that someone should go to that much effort for me. On the other hand I tend to go all out for others, sometimes too much people have said..

August 28, 2006
3:21 pm
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CAMER
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don't you feel worthy of the b'day gift she will give you?? that could do with the self esteem....you should prosper at this time and enjoy whatever gift she gives you, you have done good on her b'day, and accept YOUR birthday gift with a smile and thanks.

I think one thing coda people have is accepting compliments and gifts, sometimes thinking that we are not worthy of them.

If you end up "giving" too much and not receiving much back, whether it be gifts or just being a nice guy, thats when you have to decide if you are codependent and have things
balance.

August 28, 2006
3:27 pm
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doubleloss
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hi c_c
if you are curious about you being codependant, read as much as you can, maybe there is some of it -or not. In my experience when we get those whispers in our minds (you might be codependant), there might be some truth to it, so investigate, evaluate and work with it.

Enjoy what your girlfriend is planning for you, think that you are worthy and blessed to have someone in your life that loves you and that you love. It's wonderful to do nice things for those we love, and that is not codependancy. Accepting that love is not codependancy either. So have a wonderful birthday, relax and enjoy and show your appreciation!

August 28, 2006
4:16 pm
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confused_in_canada
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Camer - I looked at the definition of coda here on the site, it was part of my big ramble that I was going to start with at one time. I kinda went down the list and was going...do I fit this, do I do that... Here is what I sorta came up with.

controlling behavior - I don't think I do this..
distrust - No, but I fear inadequacy on my part sometimes.
perfectionism - Only when I'm trying to do something for someone else..other times I'm far from perfect 🙂
avoidance of feelings - I do tend to bottle things up, but have been trying to open up more, both in my relationship, and outside of it.
intimacy problems - Is this physical, or emotional?
caretaking behavior - Stong sense of this.
hypervigilance (a heightened awareness for potential threat/danger) - Nope
physical illness related to stress - Yep...

August 28, 2006
4:16 pm
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confused_in_canada
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Sorry the formatting didn't stick. ;-P

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