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Does it ever get better?
December 20, 2006
10:09 am
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lostgirl
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Why do we get into situations that we know will make us hurt? It's almost unbearable hurt, too. I can't concentrate, I have knots in my stomach, and I can't make myself want to groom or talk to my friends on the phone, or go out on dates (because no one will compare). At the same time, my first instinct IS to find someone new to fill that hole. But since there's no one there (at least no one I WANT), I feel empty and worthless. Why do we do this to ourselves? I just want the pain to go away, and as quickly as possible. I just want to move ON, and I can't. I feel like there's some mental block keeping me from moving past the hurt.

December 20, 2006
10:24 am
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revelation
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We do this, when our self-esteem is low. You try to fill the whole with someone new because its scary to go about looking into it and fixing yourself, so instead you purposely (but sub-consciously) go for someone who you feel needs "fixing" or "nurturing" in some way...this means you can concentrate on the other person instead of facing up to your own issue!

The sad thing about this is...we'll never find the right person, until we fix ourselves first! Its horrible at first just being on your own, but it gets better...in fact right now, I'm purposely not dating at all...not until I feel 100% happy and comfortable with myself, it sounds awful, but I'm enjoying my own company right now....and I'm not going to rush out there to find somebody new until I'm ready!

December 20, 2006
11:18 am
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dee1
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Hi Lostgirl,
I could nt agree with Rev more. Its so natural to try to find "someone" to make us feel better but I m slowly beginning to realise that its only you that can fix you and its hard to do that unless you heal first. You will move on eventually, just try to surround yourself with good friends and dont be too hard on yourself. If its too soon to go on dates then dont. I know from exerpience that I started dating way too soon after my break-up and it was like a wound that was healing being opened up when this new person hurt me. I just was nt ready.
Well done, Rev, you ve helped me in the past with your wisdom and I truly admire you for taking control of your life again. Happy Christmas to you both! Love, Dee x

December 20, 2006
7:00 pm
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Rasputin
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I coudn't agree more with Rev & Dee. We do that coz we are trying to avoid dealing with our own stuff & problems. Since the injuries hurt, we prefer to put some temporary bandage and rush outside to find a male figure and settle for whoever comes 1st.

Lost - Don't settle or rush into anything too soon b4 we handle your own problems, heal, forgive....otherwise, you will bring all the bad stuff into the new relationship and guess what...you will fall in love will someone who is as dysfunctional as you. No wonder they say...like attracts like.

Take your time. Don't be in a hurry. I have been single for so many years. 3 years ago I dated a jerk for a very short period and right now I have a wonderful bf who is really worth all the healing I've invested in myself.

Wishing you lost just the same!

~Ras~

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