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does anyone know what this is like
October 19, 2006
5:48 pm
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col rigz
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i have had counseling for many years now but i am going through a tuff time.my mother left me when i was ten but i must have blanked it out because i allways thought we were close.i am 46 now ,but through counseling i have realised that i didnt move back with her till i was 13.in the time we were apart i was sexualy abused,and my sister died she was four years older than me but she was like my mother if you know what i meen .what i am saying is that i love my ma but the more i remember about my past i have realy mixed feelings about her ,even though what hapened hapened 34 years ago. does this make sense.i also feel guilty for thinking like this .she dosnt know how i feel cos i dont whant to upset her.

October 19, 2006
8:21 pm
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cyndra820
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Just because it happened 30+ years ago doesn't mean you are over it. If you are just discovering things you blocked out you have to deal with them as if they were fresh wounds.

Can you talk to your mother about these things? Will she be open to hearing and listening.

I had the hardest time dealing with some of the things my mother did when she was drunk. There was a time she punched me in the stomach. I was about 8. We can talk about that. Not often, but we've talked about it.

Handle things as they come up. Don't feel guilty. It's part of YOUR healing process, not hers. Heal the little girl she left who lost so much. That's important. Give yourself permission to value your healing over your mother's feelings. Hard, I know, but necessary.

Regards,
Cyndra

October 20, 2006
12:17 am
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moving0n
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You certainly don't need to feel guilty about having mixed feelings. You can love your mom but hate what she did. And you're allowed to hate what she did without feeling guilty about it.

We grow up believeing that it's wrong to be angry at people who are close to us. We grow up invalidating ourselves for that sake of ideas that we were taught as to what we "should" think and feel. Don't buy into that anymore. The key is to feel the hurt, anger, whatever and learn to deal with it effectively.

October 20, 2006
1:01 am
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smarterone
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remember we dont choose our relatives. I dont like the person my mother is and my sister, and honestly my childhood was a horror. I dont live near themm and every day or two i call, and during the conversation, i always remember why i am not with them. So dont feel guily.

October 20, 2006
3:45 am
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col rigz
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thanks people,its a great help knowing you understand, take care

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