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does anyone heal post cheating?
June 18, 2002
11:17 am
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jpw
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September 30, 2010
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We know we are both codependent. Both of us know we have issues that we have got to address. I'm working hard on my own, he's just starting. This only happened after he told me he wants a divorce. I was thinking we should try and stay together to see if in recovery the marriage heals. He is not sure he can love me anymore. And it's all compounded because he has become involved with another woman. Part of me wants to try to get into recovery together and see if as we recover, the marriage heals. But part of me is so hurt by his cheating that I am not sure I can ever trust him again. Anyone out there have suggestions? Anyone been thru something similar?

June 18, 2002
2:17 pm
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Ladeska
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Sounds like a live can of worms to me, but you may have something to learn by going through the pain of trying....have observed that it's the only way, unfortunately that anyone really gets to the bottom of things

My hunch is the unfaithfulness factor has little to do with your relationship and more to do with you guys independently, your own past, patterns.

And once trust is gone, it's REAL hard to get it back... The issue of why you guys are where you are is because of what both of you have brought to the table here. And if one is unwilling to annie up here - I'd say - you're wasting precious time. But.....many people don't listen to that and go do their codependent dysfunctional painful dance because - they just can't get out of the "spin zone". And...maybe you'll learn something out of all that pain, who knows?

I wouldn't do it, I'd go on with my life, figure out my stuff and let him do whatever. But, if you just must - go try and fix him and hobble along - I wish you well. The writing is on the wall however.

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