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Does anyone ever want to just stop reading
April 22, 2009
1:04 pm
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Fruitloop
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this site and think about good and positive things like daily revelations about themselves that inspire growth or denote growth or listen only to people who are making progress in their recovery... I know we all have had to start somewhere but I've resolved to start focusing on the good things and people in my life instead of pouring energy into the bad. After 15 months in therapy and recovery I decided to stop going to the coda meetings because I could no longer stand to hear the depressing stories, they were bringing me down when all I wanted to do was soar like an eagle with my new found growth. I'm having daily revelations about myself that are leading to more and more personal growth and I want to continue on that path unhendered.

Is this normal, is it a prelude to a relapse? I'd like to know if anyone else feels the same.

April 22, 2009
1:10 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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There will come a time when I am healthy enough not to come here so often. There is also coming here to give something back to the next person who needs it.

My personal belief is that this is part of your recovery.

I have met people before who the "recovery" became the "disease" and they weren't much fun to be around either.

You want something positive from these board? Go look at Building a Lovely Life. We really try to encourage each other there.

Yesterday and today I have posted from Positive Affirmations For Adult Children of Alcoholics. We also keep telling ourselves that Every Day in Every Way I AM Getting Better and Better.

Bitsy

April 22, 2009
1:25 pm
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Zebra
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I agree with Bitsy. There may come a time in your recovery or in mine that I don't need as much support, however, someone else just might need you or me.

Maybe just don't go as often, but don't just stop going either. Only my opinion.

I love reading on this site and I don't post to everyone I read because I am so new in my recovery that I don't have much to offer another person right now, but I can tell you I get some much from reading others post and it helps me live everyday.

Love, Z

April 22, 2009
2:14 pm
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atalose
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I love how Bitsy said…..”I have met people before who the “recovery” became the “disease” and they weren’t much fun to be around either………..THIS IS SO TRUE….

I think it all comes down to a personal decision on your own recovery and where you are at with it. One of the problems is, we are not our own best judge at times for that. Often I would think I was farther along then I really was. I would focus on the big things while the little things were adding up to more then the big things. I needed reminding of some of those little things to get me back on track. Did I need to attend a meeting everyday or every week, NO. Did I need to reach out and talk to someone else in recovery everyday, NO.

But what I have learned is that when I am struggling with something some where in my life that I have not struggled with before it’s best that I reach out for some guidance. I know myself enough to realize that I don’t know everything or how to handle everything so my codieness will rise to the surface and bad unhealthy decisions get made.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

April 22, 2009
2:16 pm
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razor
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Is this a prelude to a relapse? This is a very good question.
I have went thru times like this, where I thought some were just wallowing in their own misery and it was depressing the hell out of me. From taking to old timers in my program I came to the conclusion that sometimes meetings just get off track when newcomers are allowed to go on and on about their troubles. There are usually some old timers around who will steer the conversation in the direction of hope.

A lot of time new people just need to get it off their chest. This is one reason my group suggests getting a sponsor that you can tell everything to.

Sometimes things happen in a meeting...like people that should know better ramble on and on or interupt or make a smart remark, but I know when I want to stop going that is not a good sign for me.

One of the first things they told me was to hang out with the winners. So I tried to latch onto the happiest people I saw....that in itself was a change for me. lol

April 22, 2009
3:14 pm
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RobynB
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Yes, it's important to acknowledge the difference between sharing your story and continuing to live in that story.

When I first got here, I was very sad and anxious and realized that my bad habits from an abusive relationship (and subsequent suicide of the abusive partner) had left me in a very destructive state; one I wasn't even aware I was still in. It wasn't until I became involved in a healthy relationship that many of the issues surfaced. I came here hoping to gain insight and support so I would not cause damage to my budding healthy relationship (which I had already started to do). I felt very isolated and alone.

When Camer and Zebra reached out and assured me I wasn't, it was like all the sudden a dam had broken. I was able to share my issues with the right support group, plus, due to the anonyminity of the forum, I was finally comfortable posting my true feelings, which has helped me make TREMENDOUS strides in under a month!

Now, I tend to gravitate toward posts that I relate to personally, and I offer a condensed version of my story and then words of empowerment only. By doing this, I feel I am offering constructive help, as opposed to just throwing a "pity party" for that person. It's important to acknowledge the hurt, but it's more important to acknowledge how to move beyond the hurt. And then activily begin to do so.

I'm sure that co-dependency is a cycle like anything else, and I occasionally have flair-ups where my mind broadcasts bad thoughts, but I am not worried about a "relapse" because that would mean I am still living with unnecessary anxiety and giving my imbalance too much attention. So I push it aside and keep going.

Does that make sense to everyone? I hope so!

April 22, 2009
5:03 pm
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Fruitloop
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Thanks everyone for your input. I was not looking to get stroked, just wanted to know if anyone else ever felt the same way and was I going backwards or forwards. Razor, RobynB you both actually voiced what I feel in more detail. I havent given up on doing things that help with recovery, I'm just choosing different avenues. I starting hosting a bible study on personal growth at my house once a week. I started a once a mth dinner club with people on the same professional level as me so I can talk about something more than my past bad relationships. I've diligently sought out friendships with some healthy men so I can actually see what one looks like. Nothing romantic, just observing actions and reactions on both sides.

Again, thanks for everyones input! It is greatly appreciated and that is what this site is for.

April 22, 2009
6:58 pm
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fantas
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Fruitloops,

It's not just stroking you, we acknowledge your journey thus far and it's great to get to a place where the drama doesn't appeal to us anymore. You've achieved your pink cloud and you should enjoy and celebrate it. A time will come when you read these posts and you respond from a completely different place. For now step back and go with the flow. More power to you!!

April 22, 2009
11:20 pm
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_anonymous
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Fruitloop- Everyones experience from being broken to getting fixed and whole is a very individualized journey. We all begin and end these journeys at different points. Some are just passing through while others make recovery a life long commitment.

When I first came here I was in denial. I went from a perspective of being a victim of circumstances. And ended up admitting that I allowed my self in a situation, and chose to end it. I was able to do so with the "navigation tools" that I obtained from the advice given to me from people on this site over the years.

I also went from needing peoples advice on this site to not needing it anymore. Part of recovery was looking at peoples posts and the interactions having it turn me off and realizing that I used to be just like them at one time. That was huge. Realizing that I no longer identified with that state of mind and wanting to get better.

But, recovery is not all taking. The next chapter is giving, helping, understanding. I am Ok with it. But, thats part of my passage.

From your post I see no sign of relapse just a person who is going in an excellent direction. Keep going in it and leave all of this far behind until it is no longer in focus.

Sometimes when we get pushed to the edge we fly! And you fruit loop are living proof. Soar on.

April 23, 2009
7:55 am
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bonni
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I do sometimes feel that way, but mostly because my life is very busy and I feel overwhelmed. However, I get alot of support and relief here. It really helps me to be able to express my feelings and work through my issues. Also, I get to practice the healthier habits and self talk.

bonni

April 23, 2009
10:30 am
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soofoo
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I do feel that way sometimes. Sometimes this place becomes unhealthy for me. It can even become an escape from dealing with my own problems. It can be toxic too. You need to follow your gut on this one. It's okay to leave and you can always come back if and when you need to. Peace be with you.

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