Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Does anyone else get angry at yourself for being depressed?
April 19, 2004
2:01 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Hi Camer- thanks for your response, but if doing what your therapist says to do is that easy she would be out of a job! 🙂 It also implies that the depressed person is at fault for being depressed which most often is not the case.

When someone says to stop thinking "bad things," well it's kind of like saying "don't think about elephants." What is the first thing you do? You think about elephants. I think we have less control over what we think about than what we do about what we think about. Does that make any sense?

I guess I need to hear something from people who live in a similar environment or have dealt with similar things and figured out some coping skills that I seem to have forgotten. I don't remember what I wrote, but I've lived in the city for ten years and it is only the most recent times I've started to have trouble accepting the behaviors I encounter here.

Depression is an illness. I am bipolar with a long history of hospitalizations and believe me I have come a long way. I am in therapy also, so I've been working on how I think about things since childhood. One can only do so much of that "don't worry, be happy" stuff. There are things that in the best of circumstances ruffle the feathers of the most stable and well adjusted people. When dealing with confrontational people, I just want to learn to live in a happy medium where I'm not so passive as to be a door mat, and not so defensive that I reduce myself to the very lows that disturb me about people to begin with.

To anyone else who may read this and berates themselves for being depressed and not "making the most" of things... I recommend a book named "The Depression Sourcebook" by Brian Quinn, Phd, et.al.. They talk about that, how a depressed person can blame herself for her feelings and only compound the difficulties. However, depression is not something that cannot be alleviated, but we shouldn't set ourselves up for failure by thinking we can always take care of it ourselves by putting on a happy face or "thinking happy thoughts."

April 20, 2004
4:15 am
Avatar
lewis
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 3
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

very true : )

its the taboo thing with depression, that we are weak, self obsessed and mentally unstable etc .

but sometimes depression can save your life, i see it has that wake up call, if you feel this crap, then something IS wrong with your life, and a gradual change can only do us some good.

hope it all works out for you : )

April 20, 2004
9:47 am
Avatar
lindalee
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I've lived with chronic depression all my life. I can rememember asking God to let me die when I was 10-11 years old. (i'm 40 now, 41 this saturday in fact, happy birthday to me)...Doctors have prescribed books, medicines, you name it and some times it does go away for awhile, sometimes I seem to 'get a grip' on it. But it always comes back. My 'think happy' thoughts therpist recommended a book to me called 'the new mood therapy'. It explains how our thoughts control our emotions. To understand this, ask yourself, when you feel happy (or sad or insert any emotion here) "what comes first the thought or the feeling?" Doctors say the thoughts come first then our emotions follow. they call it cognitive therapy. It works somewhat but I still wake up every morning and say 'WHy I am still here God?".
I have a heart arrythmia and anxiety issues and every med they have ever prescribed has sent me over the edge, paxil, elavil, zoloft, too many to even recall now. So i just deal with myself one day, sometimes one minute at a time. Yes, I get angry at myself for being depressed but then my therapist says that 'depression is really just anger turned inward' and so there goes my vicious cycle again. Being depressed is my normal state i guess and i dont really know any other way to feel. Can anybody else relate?

April 20, 2004
9:58 am
Avatar
lewis
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 3
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i'm not sure if the docs have all the answers. cognitive therapy is fine in the short term, & i don't think it is just our thoughts that control everything. it is possible to have feelings without them being thought provoked.
other things contribute to depression as well as the cognitive theories, such as enviromental factors, a persons life history, their health. personally i think cognitive therapy is good for phobia's etc, but for something long lasting as depression, a therapy with a soul would be more helpful - i reckon anyway.

April 20, 2004
10:13 am
Avatar
lindalee
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

...there is no cure...

April 20, 2004
2:10 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Lindalee-

I can relate to everything you wrote. I remember when I was thirteen, after a year of misdiagnosis, when I finally got a doctor who recognized my problem. A lot of people said "well if you are going to have a chronic disease, this is the one to have." I guess I can agree, except I don't know how much that helps. People with chronic depression do not need to hear that they have to "put things in perspective" -chances are that they struggle to to that all the time. Or that they "like to be miserable" or that they are "choosing to be upset." The ignorance of those around you can be one more obstacle that you have to learn to deal with and when you are at your worst, I'm afraid it is almost easier to agree with them and say "Yeah, you're right, it's my fault."

Frankly, I believe that no one wants to feel badly and that it is human nature to act in any way that we believe will alleviate pain. I read a quote by a doctor that said something to the effect of : To blame a depressed person for complaining is something like blaming a person with the flue for catching a fever. I wish more people would understand that.

Thanks Linda, I'm sorry that you suffer also, but I needed to hear you share that. It made me feel a little less alone. I will be here if you want to write. I am also going to investigate some depression boards
- ella.

April 20, 2004
2:42 pm
Avatar
dmuller82
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I can relate to everyhting written above....unfortunately depression goes unnoticed by so many who say to just put on a happy face or grin and bear it. No one can truely understand the pain untill one experiences it first hand....I'm so glad that I came upon this site....another site that I find helpful is notproud.com
It's also anonomyous and it really kindof helps you put things in perspective and realize that you are not alone with your thoughts and feelings. YOu can read what others say as well as confess what you are thinking.....no sign in name or anything........best wishes to everyone.....-D

April 21, 2004
9:42 am
Avatar
lindalee
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks ella, and everyone else for your kindness. There is alot of comfort in knowing that somebody understands.
I was in a group meeting for sometime and one of the questions that was asked was "whats your area of greatest struggle?" my answer was
"my mind". I have to battle daily to think 'normal' thoughts. Some days i do better than others but mostly its always right under the surface.I heard somebody once call depression the 'big black dog who had him by the throat'. I can relate, thats where I live. Each day's goal is just to survive somewhat intact. I dont know why things are like this. I dont want to be like this. I have a good life, but I just cant ever be happy.I tried everything to find happiness, drugs (legal and illegal), sex, alcohol you name it. I went through periods of hurting myself ,cutting and burning my body, and other just general things to punish myself. I have had moments of contentment but they're fleeting. I feel mostly like i'm existing in quicksand only its not sand that sucking me in, its a sewer.
Isnt that nice? And today is one of my good days. : )

April 21, 2004
11:38 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Hello all,

With all those adds the pharmaceutical companies put on tv, one must wonder why the stigma and ignorance that goes along with depression persist? Perhaps because some of us depressed people are our own worst enemies. Besides all the usual destructive behaviors that come with not loving one's Self, we are not the greatest defenders of our cause. It's very hard to be when it's fighting you all the way, making you feel like EVERYTHING is your fault.

It's also hard outside one's private life to be open about depression. I've lost a lot of time at work, being out on medical leave, due to depression. In a slump, everyday can be a struggle to get out of bed and I have my share of late days. This is acceptable if one is pregnant or has the flu, but with depression? What boss is going to understand that? You can end up fired for this stuff. Sure, if you have the gumption, you can sick NAMI or the ADA on someone who discriminates against you. But that is one disadvantage that depression or mental illness has over all other disabilites, the sickness itself tells us we are not important enough to be understood.

April 22, 2004
4:45 am
Avatar
lewis
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 3
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i reckon nobody wants to know us when we are depressed, i mean lets face it, its not a barrel of laughs is it.

but the saddest thing, we need others sometimes, to keep us holding on. but where are they - i have found that the friends i have are my family & me - esp me!

depression, makes me sink into a self that becomes self distructive, & i can sit on my own wondering where all the folks that are 'so called' 'friends & 'family' when i need them most.

then the knock on the door comes & i think - no i can't face company this evening, i'm depressed - so i ignore the door.

the phone rings and my conversation skills have turned into mutters of 'hug hug der - yea i suppose so'. like in low moany sound.

heck ! i'm my worst own enemy when i'm depressed - i push everbody away, then tell them all how selfish they are for not caring about me - 'you know a knock on my door won't hurt'

April 23, 2004
12:32 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Not only do I get angry with myself, but other people get angry with me. It seems like no one understands what it feels like unless they have been there themselves.

I don't know about others who have this problem, but I know for me, when I get mad at myself over my depression, I am likely to do something that puts me at risk, like drinking too much, driving crazy, or self-harming.

Lately I just try to give myself a break, talk to my therapist, and keep my depressed feelings to myself. It protects me from those who don't understand the illness.

Ren'ai

April 23, 2004
4:07 am
Avatar
lewis
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 3
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i don't think you should keep it too yourself. you will over boil.

i can relate to wanting to harm yourself when your depressed like drinking & driving reckless its all self harm isn't it?

i think we have to choose carefully who we can trust.

: )

April 23, 2004
11:12 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

It's hard not to end up lonely, like lewis mentioned- I can't handle being around people sometimes, yet when they keep their distance I resent them.

My relationship is a mess, but right now I'm definitely too drain to give, much less give too much of myself. As much as the relationship is problematic, I"m not ready to get out of it, and he is one of my only friends. He is really down now too and I feel bad because I feel like I would treat him better if he weren't depressed also. Sometimes I feel like "What-have-you-done-for-me-lately?"...I feel like shaking him and going "just let it be MY turn to be sick for a while." How selfish is that? Married people bond for "sickness and health." We are not married, but we were planning on it once. My relationship is a problem in and of itself, but it's not like anyone healthy would want to be around me either, and it's not like I would want anyone with limited life experience that wouldn't understand depression. But you can't have it both ways, and right now, my otherwise empathetic boyfriend is being extra needy and it just brings me further down because I can't be there for him since I am a mess myself.

I just feel rather hopeless about everything. I was thinking about going back to NA but honestly, I know how I will feel when I go to my first few meetings again. The same way I did when I left- inadequate for not "working the program" the right way. The last thing I need is one more thing in my life to feel inadequate about. There is even a lot of ignorance about depression in the rooms.

I'm exhausted all the time and I've cut back on some of the meds that I think were only making that worse and in turn they made me more depressed instead of less. I see my doc soon and I'll let her know I did that, but she'll probably just throw some more scripts my way. I'm sick of pills. I know they helped me a lot, but there is a limit as to what they can do. I just wish I were a "normal person" whatever that is.

April 23, 2004
2:10 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Mzrella,

I tried being normal once. It was real boring.

When me and my partner are both feeling down, we just hold each other. We don't talk about anything, we don't think about giving or getting, we just relax into each other's arms and be. I always come out of these moments feeling better.

Maybe it would help you and your partner to try this.

Do you have a therapist? That has also helped me a lot.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Ren'ai

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
23
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110978
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714262
Newest Members:
brianwolfe, swright, nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information