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Do You Make Lists?
July 20, 2005
10:34 am
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SexySadie
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My Therapist loves lists...sit down and write things down, even pros and cons. Has anyone done this on here. What type of lists do you make when it comes to your situation.

July 20, 2005
11:16 am
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kc30
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The best list/writing exercise I've ever done...the one that started to turn things around, was to write two versions of my "story".

The first one, I wrote the most emotionally charged, dramatic and subjective version of events that I could. I let it all out.

Then, I wrote the facts. No emotion. No drama. Just the straight, cold, undisputable facts.

It helped me to see how we let our emotions distort reality, usually to our own detriment. What an eye-opener!

I also made a list of all the awful things he had done that had hurt me deeply. If I start feeling weak or nostalgic, I revisit it. Then I keep asking myself "why would you want that in your life." And eventually, my self respect takes over from my codependant side, and I know in my heart I don't want that.

kc

July 20, 2005
11:19 am
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SexySadie
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Thank you for the suggestions...I think I will try this out. It really does make sense. Especially now a couple of weeks later when I can see a bit more clearer over the situation. Thank you!!

July 20, 2005
12:26 pm
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faithandhope
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I'll have to try that myself...only problem I have with writing things down is I always seem to get walked in on an asked what I'm doing...

Thanks for the suggestion šŸ™‚

July 20, 2005
12:35 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Great idea KC. I've not ever heard of that. I'm glad you shared it. Thanks. Will try it out myself also.

July 20, 2005
1:36 pm
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kathygy
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I love to make lists of anything. Every weekend I enjoy making a things to do list. When my mother died I was in a support group and part of our homework was to write a list of all the things I can no longer do with my mother. It very cathartic. I read it out loud at the support group and burst into some serious tears. I cried and cried which I really needed to do becuase I had been having difficulty accessing my tears. It still makes me feel very sad to think about that list and the things on it.

love,
kathy

July 20, 2005
1:40 pm
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kc30
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On a different level...

I really like "to do" lists because I can check things off and feel as though I have really accomplished something at the end of the day.

I don't make many of them...funny how I like them but don't often use them!

But one thing I have started doing is making a list of my "routines" around the house. It has really helped me to become organized and in control! I feel very calm and peaceful now, rather than rushed and chaotic.

kc

July 20, 2005
5:31 pm
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exoticflower
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I make lists with sub lists--example

1) Shopping

-Grocery (only non-perishable)

-baby (diapers, new shoes, sippy cups? See sales)

2)Home

-Vacume

-Call about Air cinditioner drip

-WEED GARDEN!

3)Personal

-write out school wants-needs (when do I want to get into carreer? What credits do I need? Am I sure I want to go commercial? Windows still a biggie?)

-list for self what things I need to bother discussing with ex and which are not really nessacary...Do I need to tell him when she is sick? Do I need to tell him every new word or just general milestones?

-Make therapy discussion list

(this is a real list, and yes, this is really the last thing on it, btw.)

I usually make one every few days and I finish them ALL every time. Usually there is a sub-list in the sub-lists too, I've tried to back off on the detail some.

And there, you have a peek into the incredibly boring and obsessive list-life of exoticflower.:)

July 20, 2005
5:34 pm
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exoticflower
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The good thing about lists, too, is that you can look and see what is simple and knock it off easier...when I THINK about all that i have on my plate, the head spins. But when I can look at it in black and while, I can say 'wow, sippy cups, call school, that's easy.'

And then when there's nothing simple left I can tackle the bigger stuff, like my other lists and emotional matters.

July 21, 2005
3:47 pm
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bangles
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I love lists. I make lists for everything and then, it it's things needed doing, I love going back and crossing out what I did in a colored marker and circling things yet to be done in another color. This bugs my husband to death as he has probably never made a list in his life! Bangles

July 21, 2005
3:52 pm
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SexySadie
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Do you make lists about your situation right now...like the pros and cons of being with your loved one?

July 22, 2005
1:01 am
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bangles
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My lists are mainly chore/erand types. I know if I were in a situation that I was evaluating, I would certainly do listings of pros and cons of staying with someone. I am not in that arena...ole' man and I have been together far too long for either of us to make changes! Bangles

July 22, 2005
1:09 am
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cpt1212
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I love lists. I feel that I have more control over things when I can see them written down as opposed to swirling around in my head. A list of errands or pros and cons for a decision doesn't seem so overwhelming when I see it written down neatly.

July 22, 2005
6:50 am
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gazelle
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Gosh. I hate lists. I only v rarely make them, because I feel they put me under pressure. Then I feel hassled, & guilty if I don't cross all the 'things to do' off - leading to lowered self-esteem again.

I'm an extreme example of a list-hater: I never write appointments in my diary or on the calendar even! I remember my kids' activities, the doctor's, any lunch dates, etc in my head.

It's prob. because I hate having things hanging over me. I like my future to be open & empty & freee!Also I'm afraid of losing my v active mental acuity.

Sometimes I cheat by writing lists of important things I have secretly already done, just for the buzz of crossing them off! And leaving them around so people can see I've been 'good'. How childish & codependent is THAT?!

Another reason I don't make lists except v rarely is that I'm scared of becoming mentally lazy & forgetful. Some of my friends are v scatterbrained & need to keep writing everything down - I would HATE to have to rely on jottings & get all forgetful like some of my middle-aged friends.

So I delight in training myself to remember the shopping items I need to buy (arranging them by letter in my head, or some other mnemonic). I know reams & reams of poetry & songs, hymns etc off my heart, so I reckon if my long-term & medium-term memory is fine & exercised, I should keep working on keeping my short-term memory fit & active. Esp. now I'm over 40!

"Use it or lose it"!!!

Now ... where did I put those car keys? ... & what did I come upstairs for again? šŸ˜® LOL!

Blessings - gazelle.

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