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Do you have a love addiction?
May 19, 2005
11:22 am
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2bstrong
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This web site and the book available here have helped me in my recovery process since the break up. Just wanted to share it with all of you.

2b

May 19, 2005
12:04 pm
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ivmetoo
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What book are you referring to?

May 19, 2005
12:26 pm
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2bstrong
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Oops! Forgot to paste it in:

The book is titled:
Is It Love or Is It Addiction, by Brenda Schaeffer, Published by Hazeleden

http://www.loveandaddiction.co.....iction.CFM

May 19, 2005
12:27 pm
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dustygirl
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I definately have alove addiction/obsession. The webside I think 2b is referring to is loveaddiction.com. There is also a book called "Is it Love or Addiction" by Brenda Schaefer - this is also her website. I just logged on to the site and took the dependent love quiz and failed miserably. I think I anwered yes to every question. Today I will be on my knees praying to end this cycle - I feel like I am at my breaking point - but don't have the strength to do it on my own.

Thank 2b - glad I looked up the website - it was an eye opener. I will brush off the book today as well.

May 19, 2005
1:00 pm
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Emperorsclothes
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This is the quiz from loveaddiction.com to determine love addiction status.

I would like to start a discussion about what is healthy love vs love addiction, whos in?

Do you ever feel as though you take care of others even though it hurts you?
2. Are you afraid or hesitant to talk about problems in your relationship?
3. When you do discuss problems, do you seem to get nowhere?
4. Do you feel like you are growing or want to grow and the relationship is not?
5. Do you say yes when you want to say no?
6. Do you rationalize away the things you don’t like in your relationship?
7. Do you ever feel like you both want and don’t want to be in the relationship?
8. Have you ever thought of leaving the relationship and been too afraid?
9. Do you or the other person every get close and then pull back?
10. Do you experience holding out in your relationship?
11. Does how the other person in the relationship feel change your mood or self-esteem?
12. Does the person’s behavior change your self-esteem or mood?
13. Do you enable, persecute or feel like a victim?
14. Do you struggle for power or control?
15. Do you try to change the other person or the other person try to change you?
16. Do you wonder what a healthy relationship is?
17. Do you have any negative thoughts about men/women, relationships?
18. Do you disregard your values to please someone?
19. Do you fear risk, change or the unknown?
20. Do you experience repeated negative feelings?
21. Do you suffer from separation or disapproval anxiety?
22. Do you let abusive people remain in your life?
23. Do you fear being alone?
24. Are your boundaries weak or rigid?
25. Do you expect or demand unconditional love?
26. Do you or those you are attracted to abuse or refuse commitment?
27. Do you fail to stop others from violating your boundaries?
28. Do you adapt to others to keep them around?
29. Do you look to others to fulfill you?
30. Do you become intimate before you have established trust?

Check yes or no to the above. Any yes answer indicates some degree of unhealthy dependency or addiction. But, please, let go of blame or guilt. Love addiction seems to be a fact of life. Most, if not all, relationships give evidence of some of these signs. And there is both healthy and unhealthy dependency.

May 19, 2005
1:15 pm
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kathygy
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I disagree. A healthy relationship without any of these items is entirely possible and happens all the time. I think its also about degrees. Someone may have a little fear of being alone or someone may have a huge fear of being alone. These items are definately not a part of a healthy relationship.

May 19, 2005
1:18 pm
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2bstrong
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hi kathy--

I think the "quiz" is an inventory of what is not healthy.

I agree with you--The above 30 questions (if answered in the affirmative) are not part of a healthy relationship. I will check the website again.

2b

May 20, 2005
2:03 am
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orangeboy
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ugh. that's me.

May 23, 2005
1:04 pm
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tomoni
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I can answer yes to almost every one of the questions. My self asteem is realy low he has physically and mentaly abused me more than once it's broken bones. He says he loves me at first he wouldn't even say he was sorry. I was afraid to be hit again when I did try to talk about it. He has no remorse whatsoever I'm not exagerating that either. I do love him but can't stand him at the same time. What do I do?

May 23, 2005
1:27 pm
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2bstrong
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tomoni--

What makes you stay in an abusive relationship? Love is not abusive, it is nurturing and fosters growth.

Your relationship sounds toxic in more ways than one.

If you are conflicted about how you feel about him, then chances are it is time to take a step back and evaluate how you really feel about him. Are you really getting what you need?

2b

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