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Do you create your drama?????????????
March 24, 2008
10:36 am
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nappy
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Do we sometime create our own drama in our own live?
Do we try very hard to blame another when all along it is really us to blame?
Do we sometimes hold on to someone that we already know is not good for us but we do it anyway in fear of being alone?

What excuses to do you have for being stuck in the same situation?

I know that I may get alot of negative feedback here and I am NOT talking about people that has been abuse as a child, the child is not to blame but this is for people that can go back several years and can say to themselves right now that they are going through the same mess that they have been before. I read some on here look likes they enjoy the drama in there life. They seem like that is the only thing that they have going for themselves. I also see a lot of womens with very low self esteem.

Before the year is out, do you plan to change your life for the better?

Nappy

March 24, 2008
11:16 am
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peacesoul
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Yes and yes again

It's the law of attraction. We all create our own drama.

There are two options on life and only two, peace or drama. We decide which to take

Drama fills our fragile egos,
If we would think more with our spirits and less with the ego, there would be no drama. But the ego always needs to be aroused.

March 24, 2008
12:56 pm
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Anonymous
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It's a good q - I don't know ... For example I was at a friends house last night, stopped in for a short visit, got outside and there was a $450 parking ticket on my dashboard.

Things like this i.e. drama seems to happen to me... Do I create it or is the universe testing me? I usually ignore it but then things add up and before you know I'm not working and I have over $1000 worth of parking tickets.

The conversation with my friend was interesting, from a drama perspectve too. I've been trying really hard just to listen to people and so I did last night.

She basically told me she was disappointed I only came out on the one night for her b-day instead of the 3 parties she planned, when I pointed other friends hadn't attended those parties or left early - that wasn't important. When I told her I had booked a b-day pedicure for her at the time she requested and then later told me she couldn't make it she went off. She told me that she she walks on eggshells around me, volatile and high maintenance... which is funny because I didn't think I was high maintence at all, I actually pride myself on not wearing a lot of makeup, not being a complainer, not being picky or negative.. Hmmm...

She says it's my reactions and for the first time in my life - I agree, maybe. I don't react when I should and I end up reacting to somethig later that isn't worth the energy.
The q I really don't want to ask myself is this really a friend or a co-dependent person like me?

On another note, I've been casually sleeping with this guy for a few weeks so this wkend I left him a vm saying if I really like him but if he's not able to take me out to dinner or a movie like a normal person them we weren't going anywhere. I don't want to be the drunk 2 am botty call... Was that co-dependent? Was I trying to control?

I really don't know. I thought about it, slept on it, wrote it out and thought about my reasons behind. I really hope it was more about setting bondaries - can anyone tell me, the truth please?? I would really appreciate it.

Please note it is only through my readings and CODA group I'm able to not completely fall apart... just keep thinking - this too shall pass...

March 24, 2008
1:34 pm
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through_the_fire
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nappy....great question. I know the one thing I noticed when I met my current husband is that I wasn't obsessing and talking about him with girlfriends. There was no need. Still isn't any need. So maybe I sought situations with guys like that before, because I thought the drama was what I deserved.

peace&love....I've tried that in the past...telling a guy I'm casually sleeping with that he needs to take me out to dinner, etc. But it never really worked, because I was trying to make of it what it wasn't. Ir *was* all about sex and convenience. I couldn't switch it in the middle, just because part of me felt used or weird. I had to decide if it was ok for me, as it was or not. And really, when I looked at it after gaining one dinner out, he and I really didn't have potential as far as dating in my opinion....so why was I pressing it? Maybe casual sex isn't for you.

Fire

March 24, 2008
2:16 pm
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truthBtold
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Great topic Nappy!

Yes, I too am guilty for indulging myself in too much of my own drama...for a long time now.

I think it is interesting to note what really lies BEHIND the drama - you know?

For me - I have had quite an incredible experience starting this past Friday.

(This is going to be a long post.....)

I finally started to realize the fact that I can count the time in seconds - my entire life - where I only felt the briefest instant of hope.

Not exaggerating here....but it equated to an average of perhaps, I would honestly say....45-60 seconds PER YEAR!!!!! (In say - 5-10 second increments.)

This really pissed me off!

I think back on all the time, money and energy I (and others) have spent battling mental illness and how we continuously struggle day after day, month after month, year after year...trying to "fix" ourselves and - well, finally I just reached my breaking point!

I said out loud to God: FIX IT OR I'M NEVER COMING BACK HERE AGAIN!!!!!!

whew.

And you know what happened? I do believe that I gained a little spiritual leverage.

In the past, I would just shake my fists up to the heavens and rely my frustrations and dissatisfactions and that would be the end of it...still feeling powerless.

But what was different THIS TIME....is that I gave God an ultimatum.

Never did that before!

And I realized something.

Used to - in my most frustrating preiods, I would think that maybe God was using us (the people here on earth) for maybe entertainment purposes....like his own "Reality TV" show or something....(having nothing really to come to any other conclusion about...)

But - after giving the ultimatum - I realized that there is a symbiotic thing at play here.

That neither can exist without the other. The "Other Side" and here.

Like trees giving off oxygen and taking in carbon dioxide and people giving off carbon dioxide and taking in oxygen.

SAME EXACT PREMISE.

Souls are needed to periodically leave that peacful place and return back to earth.

Hence, where I feel I gained a little spiritual leverage.

It obviously goes without saying that I believe in reincarnation.

I KNOW...beyond a shadow of a doubt that I opted for this particular life experience (and was even fore-warned that it was going to be difficult...to which I remember replying - verbatim - "I am up to the challenge."

All that being said, this idea of meditation came across my path not long afterwards and the other night I got to that peaceful place.

Never happened to me before.

I just got really quiet and really honest with myself and I seemed to have some kind of a dialog with something or someone down there in that deep place.

It was so validating.

I don't know if that "other voice" was my spirit guide, the adult me speaking to the child me or perhaps a combination of both. All I know is that it has changed my life.

I have to add in the fact here that I have an amazing DVD entitled: "The Deep" Part of the BBC'c Blue Planet series. In it is shows all kinds of activity and life forms so far beneath where light NEVER penetrates that I watch it literally with my jaw dropped.

There is even something akin to an underwater version of the Grand Canyon - if you can "fathom" (pun intended 😉 that!

I mention that because when I am in that "deep place" - I experience activity that I never knew existed there.

Since meditating, I find that I can go to that place any time I need to re-center and find true balance. Like the dialog is with a spiritual therapist whom always tells me just the right thing and will never say: "Our time is up."

I post all of this here and return back to the original topic of this thread because since this experience, I simply do not feel the need to indulge myself in all of my "surface drama."

It's simply a non-issue - you know?

It's like I have somehow got beyond what lies beneath this propensity to become so self-absorbed in a frustrating circle.

And quite another thing has developed quite by surprise from all of this....(amybe because the weather has been beautiful lately and spring cleaning was at the forefront...)

I amaze myself.

I started cleaning out a portion of my kitchen counter that had crud built up over YEARS...and I am amazed at just how I have lived like this for so long!!!!

I am also amazed at the fact in just how I spent so much of my time and energy focusing on other people's needs with nary a consideration for myself.

It's like I am not sleep-walking through my life anymore.

AMAZING!!!!!!

(Grace????)

(crying now because I am so nailing this square on the head.....)

((((EVERYONE))))

tBt

March 24, 2008
2:24 pm
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marypoppins
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(((Nappy)))

What????????? I never!!!! Oh, my God?! ME, create MY OWN DRAMA ???!!!!

AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH! No way, it's not me. It's them. It's him, and him. Why is everyone against me???

Oh, my God!! AAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

I mean, yes. Sometimes I DO create my own drama. I have to do it myself sometimes because only "I" know best what drama I like. 🙂

Mary

March 24, 2008
3:08 pm
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nappy
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Life is full of drama. Drama that we create by ourself and other drama that we don't have any control over.
I realize that the drama in my life could have been solve if only I would of let go of certain people and things. Since I have done that, my life is so much better now.
Since I have been saying the "Serentity Prayer" everyday, it let me know the things that I can control and the things that I can not control and when other people comes to me with drama, I already know in my heart that it does not have anything to do with me. That is a great feeling and I don't get caught up in other people drama.
I have enough of my own drama to deal with (smile)
Nappy

March 24, 2008
3:35 pm
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bmom74
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I love this post. Yes, I definitely create my own drama and have in relationships in the past. However, I have never done it to the extent I have in this last relationship. I have almost felt at times I was going nuts over this guy ... but maybe I create the drama myself. I wish I was one of those people who just didn't react to things.

As was stated earlier, maybe this drama is what I thought I deserved... at last my therapist asks why I seem to think I deserve this all the time. She is trying t work through this with me.

In the meantime, I am trying like crazy to go back to no contact with him and am praying that perhaps God will show me a way to move from the place I am in which is right down the street from him.

Good topic. Thanks for bringing it up.

bmom

March 24, 2008
3:47 pm
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atalose
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I have come to accept that most of the self drama in my live was really fiction. Fiction created in my mind based on my own un-stable emotions and un-healthy thinking.

I was notorious for blame it was always someone else’s fault. The more I could talk about him or her or them and get others to validate my side or my feelings the more I felt right and it kept my drama alive.

It also kept me from any kind of recovery. I would attend CODA meetings and this woman at every meeting after I shared would ask “what is your part in this?” I would get defensive I would feel she was attacking me and I thought she was mean and hurtful.
She was not playing into my drama and validating me and allowing me to continue on with my blame game drama.

Today I am great full she was there and asking me over and over again what was my part in it all. I thank her everyday for being the perceived bad guy, other wise I would never have found my road of recovery.

I myself am now into comedies and stay far away from the dramas……………

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 24, 2008
7:42 pm
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truthBtold
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Did anyone get anything out of my long post?

(Perhaps it was inappropriate to post here and would have been better suited in libs, maybe?...as a seperate thread?)

I just thought that it all tied in.

March 24, 2008
11:14 pm
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truthBtold
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Correct me if I am wrong...but would the vast majority here be completely complacent and satisfied should no one attempt to shake up and present another view of reality??????

I am kind of thinking so - and quite frankly, am a bit dissapointed.

I actually thought that there were alot more open minds here.......

Maybe not.

Perhaps, I was wrong in this assumption.

Perhaps I need to to express my thoughts elsewhere.

No hard feelings.

tBt

March 25, 2008
10:15 pm
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taj64
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I know I am guilty of this sometimes. Sometimes I step into it more so than actually create it. I tend to be a realist than a dreamer. But that is me. i apprecaite this thread. It is good. It is good for those perceptive ones out there. At home, Im totally drama free, stay out of it and at work drama free. But sometimes here I feel I should stay out of the drama and mind my own business, which I do in my personal life. I work in a great place and I see little drama, it is carefree, peaceful place. I love my job! And my home life is much more peaceful, now that I am out of complex relatonship and stay away from family. It is lonely sometimes but I sure feel better. The only time I feel out of place is when i go to the Walmart in town.

March 26, 2008
8:32 pm
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taj64
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Nappy i think of you often. I still read your post. You are still my angel. And an angel to start the post. I dont get why more do not write. I tihnk it is worth going over and have a lot of different answers. There just isn't one. Sigh. Im doing ok, i know you are too.

March 27, 2008
1:45 am
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sunshine88
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hi Nappy, it's funny how when i saw the title of the thread, the first thing that came to my mind is Nappy! somehow i knew that you would be the author of this thread.

it's because i read your post on Mary Poppins thread, and you've made a strong point on how we contribute to our life's "drama". i am with atalose's friend who challenges her by asking, what is your part in this? yes, most of the times we do have a choice, to quit, to stay, to put up, to stand up to the drama. Sometimes, we fall victim, but then again, we still do have a choice to stand up to abuse. To turn scars into stars.

Life is how we make it. Made mistakes? that's part of life, it only means that you didn't know, so you didn't do better. As Mary Poppins said, when we know better, we do better. We just wish we'd known earlier! but we just keep moving forward, being stronger by the day, and having peace of mind and heart.

Mary Poppins - your story is very real. i wish you strength to keep going in your new life.

March 27, 2008
10:58 am
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nappy
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Good Morning Taj,

It is so nice to hear from you again. I have never forgotten you my friend. I glad that you are doing well at this time. It is a blessing to hear that after it has been a while since we last spoken.

I just feel that it is time for ALL womens to really get a good understanding that whatever situation that they are in whether they are single or married, that they create there own drama in life. It is so easy to just sit back and whine about the problems that we are having with our boyfriends or husbands but all in all we already knew what they was like before we got up with them. We were just wishing that they would change in the long run.
I also look at mens too. They have it hard also because womens put to much pressure on mens, making them to be the person that should make them happy. And when he does not do the the job then the womens becomes depressed, sad, hurt, angry and then she is wondering why she feel like that. Well it is not all his fault.

I read here on this site where many womens are afraid to let go of a man that they know is hurting there heart, she create her own drama when she keep stepping back into that hole that she know she is trying to get out of. Once she get out, now she is afraid to face the truth.

But if you decide to go back into that hole, then it is up to the woman to make herself happy and to also built back up her self esteem and to learn how to deal with that pain that she has now accepted.

But if you decide to not go back and want something better for your own life, then you will create it for yourself. You will stop looking for a man to validate your worth as a woman.

Nappy

March 27, 2008
7:06 pm
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taj64
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Nappy I am doing exactly what you have said here. I am creating my life as I speak. Im doing it only for me. I hope I can be in touch again. I know you will be around.

Your words ring loudly and I get it, more than you know.

Wow is all i can say for now.

I shall keep in touch later gator.

I sure hope Horsefly is ok. I worry about her all the time.

March 28, 2008
10:16 am
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nappy
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Dear Taj,
You sound so wonderful. And I am very happy for you. We need more womens like you that have been through some things in life and can live to tell about it and to really speak the truth.
Living your life for yourself is a wonderful feeling. It is a great feeling when you finally let go of all the bullsh*t that don't really matter.

I hope that Horsefly is doing well myself. I have been thinking about her and wondering if she is alright.
She will be back soon and I hope that she sound just as beautiful as you with her life.

Get back when ever you have a chance.

Love always my friend,

Nappy

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