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do recovering cod. 's eventually get rid of everybody?
November 9, 2005
11:18 pm
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lost and found
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November 9, 2005
11:20 pm
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like recovering alcoholics have to move to new ground with new friends. do we as codependants eventually end up getting rid of everybody that ever used the crap out of us.?? almost like purging out all the bad?

November 9, 2005
11:23 pm
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Lass
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In AA there's a saying, that all you have to change is everything.

I think the goal is to encircle ourselves with supportive, non-shaming friends of our own choosing, who become like family over time.

LL

November 9, 2005
11:28 pm
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lass , thank you for responding. i am beginning to see that almost everybody i ever knew is getting kicked out my circle. it's shocking. anybody that my husband has every been friends with is in my dead to me list now. and i mean everybody. it's almost like choose. if they spend time with him they are dead to me. he has always left me out of his life. he drinks andparties and has always acted like i don't matter. he has a lot of friends that i have never been around. ex; for seven years this couple down the road came and picked him up for softball games. not once, did any of them invite me. so far i have cut the couple out and i can see the husband is rapidly rising to the top of the list.

November 9, 2005
11:31 pm
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the girl's daddy died and husband went to viewing tonight. i didn't go and it pissed off husband, but i look at it this way. i was culled out of this group along time ago. i am not included in any fun, then don't bother to look at me when it is serious. i'm through....

November 9, 2005
11:39 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi Lost: Good topic. Since I have been learning about Codep, I have been cleaning house as far as friends go. It hasn't been planned but has just been happening. I think its is because I am more aware of bad behaviors by others and how I had been tolerating it. I am no longer afraid to not accept being treated in ways that make me uncomfortable. Its OK for me not to accept it and it feels goooood. that's "good"- not the other forbidden word. SD

November 9, 2005
11:48 pm
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i am shocked at the rage that i feel over it too. i can tell you i would rather live in a cardboard box on the street than take any more shit off of anybody. i haven't talked to my dad in over a month and it is because he demands and demands. but he said no to me one time too many and all of a sudden i was through. and it hurts but i am so damn mad at him too. one of the other males in my life said at the supper table that he is going to talk to my dad and explain that i am hardheaded and it is my fault. i got up and told his ass off. he can talk to my dad till hell freezes off. husband has used me enough. dean and becky used me enough. (couple from above) i don't give a rat's ass about them. just for husband to act like they are important makes me want to pack my crap and leave. or throw his out....

November 9, 2005
11:56 pm
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Lass
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There's a saying in the Bible, that goes like this:

It is better to live on the roof than with a contentious person.

LL

November 9, 2005
11:57 pm
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i know i am venting big time. think i will go to bed. i feel like a very pissed off woman right now. didn't see this coming. i wish i was big enough to go in there and beat the holy crap out of husband, pull his toenails out one by one, pluck every hair off his body...punch his face in. i'm sleeping on the couch. he totally disgusts me right now...good night everybody .

November 9, 2005
11:59 pm
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Contentious:

tending to argument or strife; quarrelsome; causing controversy; competitive.

November 10, 2005
8:09 pm
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Lost & Found,

You do not believe how much has changed in my life ever since I started my healing joureny/procss.

I have discarded so called friends, materials, resources...or any thing that does not promote or encourage love and support. If I learned any thing at all in this whole process, I have learned to love myself and put me right after my Higher Power and I have never been happier.

Of course that does not mean by any means becoming selfish. It simply means loving, nurturing, attending to you and your inner child and not feeling guilty about it.

Wishing you all the best!

~Blessings, Ras~

November 11, 2005
12:33 am
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just2be
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I have been purging myself...haven't spoken with Mom or Dad (divorced) for over a year or so, until yesterday. Spoke with Dad and he wants to see gkids...Before that happens, I will be laying down ground rules. He will know that I deserve to be treated with respect...I deserve to be talked to nicely and without condecention...I deserve to be treated well. It's fricken about time--for the both of them. As much as I miss the idealogical version of what I wish my parents were to me, I am okay with purging them completely out of my life. My children deserve to see a mother who is treated with respect, otherwise, when they grow up, my scripts & tapes will follow them and follow me with my relationship with them. I will NOT allow this to continue. IT IS TIME FOR THE CRAP TO END AND FOR A NEW BEGINNING. We all deserve it.

just2be

November 11, 2005
12:51 am
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I asked for lots of prayer today... for my situation with my husband... because I had gotten really mad over past couple days. So, I turned up the radio, took a stick of wood, and went into the laundry room and closed the door. I swung that wood, swooosh thru the air, swinging it like a bat, like an ax, like a boxer. I got my anger out at him, without involving him. It worked.

Today, I am doing lots better... made sure to exercise, too. I did not engage with him while mad.. that's a first.

I firmly believe that anything we do in the interest of our own self- care is allright... so long as it doesn't hurt anybody or ourselves.

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