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Do Opposites Attract indeed ?
May 25, 2006
8:42 pm
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Rasputin
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I think as someone has wisely said on another thread, the healthier we become, the more we attract and get attracted to healthy fellows/men/women.

In retrospect, in the past, when I was an emotional wreck and before I start my emotional healing, I used to like harsh, selfish, emotionally-unavailable men. Mind you, I even used to find them attractive, appealing and sexy!!!

The reason behind that was coz I myself was unhealthy. I felt that I deserved that and there was something wrong with me and it was the norm.

After several years of working on my self, I can spot a huge difference between then and now within myself. Right now, I am turned off by cold, selfish cruel, unromantic people even from both genders, not just from men.

However, I believe that opposites attract. I have been noticing lately that since I am (HSP) Hyper Sensitive Person, I tend to get attracted and attract tough guys with opposite personality than mine. I believe there is nothing wrong with that. We should not confuse tough with cold or cruel, or selfish men. They are not the same thing.

Lately, I have noticed 2 men attracted to me and they are both tough guys! Though I find them both attractive, however I am slightly intimated by their toughness which is offset/contrasted by my sweet, sensitive personality. Is this normal?
Am I on the right track/course?

Any one married or mated with Tough spouse and Sensitive spouse? Please talk about your experience and explore how your differences brought you together and whether your love flourished or sadly died because of these contrasting personalities.

Thanks!

~Ras~

May 25, 2006
11:49 pm
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LthrNlace
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I think opposites attract, but in order for it to work, you do have to have a certain connection and similiar link. My bf is my opposite. We think of ourselves as the yin yang. We balance each other out so perfectly. He is a tough guy, and I am very sensitive and sweet. Not to say he is not those things, he is very sincere and romantic, and sweet. Its like the good school girl and the bad boy!

But we have come from very different places ...i.e. city vs. country, healthy childhood vs. abused childhood, college vs drug lifestyle. Yet we are at the same point in our lives right now, and want the same things for our future.

It just works so well for us. I think because of these differences our love has grown so strong and deep. He intrigues me so much, and we want to learn more and more about each other. Yet we have this connection that goes so deep. I wouldnt want to be with someone too much like me. I am around me enough! I love the fact he is completely opposite of me.

May 26, 2006
5:57 pm
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Rasputin
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Thanks Lth for your feedback!

I am wondering, how do you and your husband balance each other out? For instance, one of you (which is you, I suppose) comes from healthy background and the other comes from abused background. He is tough and you are very sensitive.

When your contrasts collide (sensitivity versus toughness) etc, How do you manage to compromise or reslove you conflicts and contrasting personality traits?

May 26, 2006
8:22 pm
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LthrNlace
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Im not even sure how my boyfriend and I balance each other out so well. Even though I come from a healthy background and his was more dysfunctional, we both know what we want for our lives and relationship. We work hard to do what it takes to compromise.

I have been thinking a lot about it since reading your thread. Maybe him and I arent such opposites in where it really counts. He has a tough exterior, but can also be very sensitive, especially to my needs. He is very romantic, he tries very hard to be open with me and put down his guard. Maybe that is how it works so well.

When we do have a conflict and our personalities contrast each other, we consciously try to listen to each other, respect each others opinion, and try to come to some agreement. It takes a lot of conscious effort on both our parts. We accept who we each are and where we come from. It just works, I am not even so sure how.

I have always fallen for those tough bad boys, and they are always wrong for me. This time it just feels different, maybe we arent so different inside. I will have to think about this a little more! He is the first man I ever really loved, and not just lusted over.... Im still trying to figure out all this love stuff!

May 27, 2006
11:05 am
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Rasputin
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Well, you both rock and I admire your efforts and dtermination to work hard on your relationship and actually make it work out!

I also admire the fact that despite your family background differences, you coming from healthy family and he, on the other side coming from abused childhood, yet you both manage to run your relationship very smoothly.

I am also proud that you both put so much efforts and communication to make this relationship work out.

Kudos to you both!

May 27, 2006
3:42 pm
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LthrNlace
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Thanks for your kind words Ras. It doesnt feel like such a battle when its worth working on it and we share such love. I really wish everyone could experience that feeling of true, deep love. When you have felt such lonliness, like you have no place to really belong to, it makes it even that much greater. Im so grateful for the chance. Wish you the same!

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