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do I stay or go?
May 22, 2009
2:41 pm
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soofoo
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The key to satisfaction is self-directed, self-improvement. If other people decide what kind of improvements you make, then it isn't self-directed. And it isn't satisfying. If you are looking to improve someone other than yourself, than it isn't satisfying.

It is totally okay when you are developing yourself to choose a church, a moral code, a theory, science or anything else you feel is right and true. It's also okay to accept some tenets and not others, to form your own beliefs, to follow one thing, many things, your heart, your mind, your hunches, whatever you choose! This is the joy of life. We get to be who we are. We get to choose what we value.

There is so much "information" out there. Take what you choose. Use what's inside you to decide what you accept or reject. You may even find something inside yourself to believe in. There are infinite ways to live your life, and at least a million ways to live a good life. Maybe even infinite ways to live a good life. Think of how different all of the people you admire are. How varied are the beautiful flowers all over the earth and how similar is the darkness.

May 22, 2009
2:56 pm
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soofoo
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Kyzer,

Wow, I see what you mean about the horse. I am so glad this forum is helping you. I think it's best to get as many different kinds of support as you can. This creates a safety net. It's better than just one thing, because if one rope fails, the others can still hold you up. That's what I learned in the hospital, when I was at my weakest. This site is one rope, your husband is one, and you can just keep adding more, more support sites perhaps, more relationships, and also things you like to do, things that make you happy, goals, etc.

I believe you can get through this and get to where you want to go.

It feels so good to make progress. How do you feel about sitting by an open window?

May 22, 2009
3:02 pm
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lollipop3
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Soofoo,

"I think it's best to get as many different kinds of support as you can. This creates a safety net. It's better than just one thing, because if one rope fails, the others can still hold you up. ... This site is one rope, your husband is one, and you can just keep adding more, more support sites perhaps, more relationships, and also things you like to do, things that make you happy, goals, etc"

What a great post!

May 22, 2009
3:17 pm
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lollipop3
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Kyzer,

I can relate so much to the anxiety. At one point in my life not so long ago I was in a terribly emotionally abusive relationship with an alcoholic, drug and sex addict (before Snow for those of you who know my story) and suffered terribly with anxiety.
During that time, I began attending Alanon, which helped more than I can say, and my doctor prescribed me Zoloft for the anxiety.

Have any of your doctors suggested any type of anti-anxiety medication? I know it's not for everyone and a lot of factors need to be considered but it did help me a lot.

Also, I know that you can't get to an acutal Alanon meeting yet but perhaps you could try the meetings on-line? Also, if you go to Alanon.com, there is literature you can order and have delivered right to your home. I'm sure too that if you contacted them and explained your situation they can send you a welcome packet that has a ton of information to help you educate yourself on your husbands disease as well as it's effects on you and what you can do to begin your own recovery.

There are also some great books that you can read to help you understand the dynamics of an alcoholic relationship and it's effects. A great book on the subject is Codependant No More by Melody Beattie which you can probably get on e-bay or amazon.

And of course there is this site, which has so many wonderful, caring and supportive people. I can't even begin to tell you how much they have helped me over the years. So keep posting!

I know you are scared but please keep in mind, you've already come a long way just by recognizing and acknowledging that you have a problem. For many that's the hardest part.

And remember, recovery is a journey...not a destination. There is no right or wrong way and you will have slips along the way. It's ok. Just keep on keepin' on.

Take care,
Lolli

May 29, 2009
1:21 am
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bblue
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Lolli
You seem to have a handle on your journey
I have not read your story before but understand alot of what you are saying..
The anxiety is a killer...

BBlue

May 29, 2009
1:47 pm
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lollipop3
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Hi bblue,
Yes, anxiety is a killer...that is for sure. I remember it well. Not being able to eat or sleep. Not because I didn't want to but just because I couldn't. I couldn't concentrate. I had no business driving a car! I had no patience for anything and would blow up over even the most minor inconvenience. And the weight loss! I was so thin that I actually keep a picture of myself from that time to remind myself to never allow it to get that bad again. And thankfully...I haven't. (actually put on a little too much weight now if you ask me but that's a whole 'nuther story!).

As for my journey...yes I do believe that I do have a pretty good handle on it at this point (if I do say so myself). bBut it is a journey and I've still got a long way to go. A journey that, chances are, will continue...or at least I hope it does....for the rest of my days. One can never stop learning and improving in my humble opinion and Lord knows I've still got a lot of learning and improving to do.

If ever you're interested in my story....it's spread all around here but there's lots to be read on the "lolli" threads.

I still can't believe how far I've come......

Good luck to you on your journey....wherever it may take you.

June 5, 2009
4:31 am
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gualtilucy
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