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Do I give up on marriage?
November 29, 1999
9:54 pm
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jenn
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September 30, 2010
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I've been married for almost 4 years now. I am 22, have two kids, depression, family issues, and so much more. It has been really hard to get close to my husband lately. He isn't supportive unless it benifits him. I am practically raising the children alone, except for the income that he earns. I feel that's the only reason I stay with him. I'm afraid of doing it alone, but I think about divorce all the time. My depression gets worse on his days off, he makes me feel worthless, and overwhelmed. I don't have any friends or anyone to talk to about this. I am so lost and alone. Can anyone help?

November 29, 1999
10:30 pm
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EssEmm
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Jenn...

I'm assuming that you've tried talking to your husband about what's bothering you. If not, that's step one.

If that dosen't work, I think you should try couples counseling. It's pulled a lot of marriages off the rocks but it only works if both partners are committed to the process. If you have to drag your husband in kicking and screaming, chances are, it's just going to be a waste of money.

Now assuming that you've exhausted both those options, and you're still not satisfied, you have some tough decisions to make. It's really not anybodys place to say "leave your husband" or "stay with him." That's a decision for you to make and you alone. I like the way that Ann Landers approaches the question of weather or not to get a divorce. According to her, it all comes down to one question: "Am I better off with or without this person in my life?" I would Think really hard about that question before I took any action.

Finally, you say that you have no friends to talk to but you do. I'm right here whenever you want to talk. I know it's not the same as having a friend in person but it's better than having nobody. :o) Good luck to you and let me know how everything goes.

November 30, 1999
11:04 pm
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J. C.
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September 24, 2010
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Hey, Jenn, welcome. That's my name too. I just go by my initials on here though. I was where you are now. It really helped to tell my doctor what was going on with me emotionally...the fact that I merely broke down over any and all problems. I just plain couldn't handle things on my own. He started me on paxil, an antidepressant. It took a while for me to notice a difference, but it really helped. It didn't make me like things that I normally wouldn't like or change the way I feel about anything, for that matter. What it did, was help me get myself together to do the things I needed to do to make things right. I was able to express myself better and handle problems much more rationally. Everything was no longer some big dramatic scene that took up all my energy. I needed my energy for my children. I needed to take care of them. It was kind of hard to do when I couldn't take care of myself. I'm not telling you that you need to take antideppressants, nor am I telling you that your problem is all in you head...most definitely it is not. I am saying that you need to explore different tactics, solutions, defense mechanisms. You need to learn a new way to handle things. Not necessarily my way, but whatever way works for you. Writing really helped me too. To pour out my feelings uncensored is a big load off my shoulders. Sometimes I go back and reread them and wonder what I was thinking. Even on here, sometimes I feel so foolish about some of the things I wrote. It's really refreshing to get it all out. Tell me what you husband says to you or what he does to make you feel so bad. Get it all out here...rehearse it. Figure out how you want to tell him how you are feeling. Maybe SC has a few good words for you...he/she (I still don't know) has really been helpful to a lot of us...a lot of us are really grateful for this site. I wish you the best and here's a big cyber ((((hug)))) for now

~JC

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