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Do I Give The Guy That Nearly Broke Me Another Chance?
December 1, 2013
1:31 am
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lizzieaskingforhelp
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December 1, 2013
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While ago [about a year now] I met this guy and thought he was pretty much perfect. We were similar and we talked all the time, etc. But one day he just decided he was done with me.

I know this doesn't sound like much, but I was already feeling a bit mentally unwell, to the point where I used to self-harm every couple of weeks. However after this incident, it got to the point of cutting myself a few times a day. I'm at a point where I can no longer wear short sleeve shirts, or even regular tights because it is way too obvious. At one point I was doubting myself so much I felt suicidal [but looking back, I probably wasn't, but just felt like it at the time].

Anyway I finally got a bit better, especially since I no longer see him every day since we go to different universities, but for some reason he keeps calling and texting me, telling me he's made a mistake and wants to talk to me again. It had been a good 6 months, if not more, since he last spoke to me, so I don't know why he wants to start again now. I get texts from his friends too, saying he talks about me a lot, and that he doesn't talk to any other girl at uni. Though I don't know whether to believe him or them, because the are all notorious for being assholes.

Do you think I should try and talk to him again? This is the guy that broke me for a good chunk of 2013 [though I'm pretty sure it was all my mind rather than actually him], but I am not sure if he's being genuine, or just getting my hopes up again to crush them further than they already where.

December 1, 2013
4:57 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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I can only speak from experience & your experience will be uniquely yours.  I would personally try to ignore this guy and move on.  No matter how "perfect" he was, he was not willing to accept your imperfections & perhaps your troubles were overwhelming for him.  The point is, the only thing you need to do is take excellent care of yourself and move on.  You cannot undo the past.  He may miss you quite a bit & I am certain that if the two of you reunited that things would be good for a while, but like you said "this is the guy the broke me for a good chunk of 2013".  I am guessing that he was pretty controlling.  The kind of guy wants what he wants, when he wants it, but then is done with it.  I would reccomened that you start hanging out with girls and guys that see you through both your good times & your troubles.  I think deep down you know not to go backwards.  He may miss you, but has he changed?  And moreover, will he ever change?

 

One day

December 1, 2013
10:35 am
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The fact is, you don't need this man any more than you need a BA in history. Your priority right now is to fix the serious problem that you have with cutting & your mental health issues before you can even think about having a relationship with this man or any one else. Time to replace self-doubt and negativity with better self-esteem & a positive outlook. When you are fixed and whole find a relationship with someone new, someone who is right for you. The quickest path towards over coming self destructive behaviors such as cutting and toxic relationships is through mental  health counseling with a qualified professional.

December 2, 2013
1:37 am
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Chimera
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Great advice on self esteem.  I like to shout at the negative voices in my head.  And dance for exercise.  It helps. Smile

December 2, 2013
1:59 am
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Thankies so much for the compliment on my advice it warmed my heart this cold December eve. Hope this cheerful note finds you dancing up a storm. Kiss

December 5, 2013
5:30 am
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Edward Fruitman
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November 21, 2013
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If the friends of the guy are telling you he misses you, it can be of two reasons.

First, he is interested in you as a long-term partner, but be cautious when you go to him.

Second, everything is really as you told. His friends may be telling the truth, but it is likely he has motivated them to talk to you just to conquor you once more. 

Out of the two situations, the second one is more difficult to handle. It will be better if you avoid him for a few months (at least) to see how they react. Then, you will be able to take the right decision for yourself. 

About wearing shorts, it will be a good idea to find a psychiatrist for yourself since only they can help you communicate with your inner. 

 

FrownFrownFrownFrownFrownFrownFrownFrown

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