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Do all men cheat?-a survey
February 14, 2006
1:24 pm
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darling
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Dear Lisa1, I completely dissagree with you on your post. You say your BIL cheated on your sister because she worked too much and spent too much time with her kids or sleeping. That is a copout. He cheated because he wanted to. Lots of people don't cheat when they are lonely. My ex spent 80 hours a week at work sometimes and only came home to sleep. He spent zero time with me, even though I constantly brought the subject up. We fought alot when he was around. In addition to that I had more than a dozen available attractive men point out to me that I deserved some attention and they would be more than happy to oblige. I needed that attention so badly and I actually considered cheating. I did not cheat because I had made an agreement with my man and I respected him and myself enough to honor that agreement.

You said you used the same excuses as your BIL when you cheated. You were right to use the term excuses- because that is what they were-excuses. You had no right, no matter how bad the relationship was. If it is that dissatisfying then you should leave the relationship. There is no good reason to cheat on a person you have made an obligation to, no matter what your gender may be.

Dear Snowlover, thank you for posting and admitting your mistakes. It gives me some hope that people can change. I have a question for you. Can you tell me what happens to make a person stop the cheating lifestyle? How can a person be sure the change is geuine?

February 14, 2006
10:25 pm
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confuss
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hello this is my first time here, Im really confuss because my boyfriend and i been together for 3 years now and have a son together and he still continue to cheat what do i do i dont cheat im very very faithful and we live together im confuss i break my neck trying to make sure everything is perfect and nonething works

February 16, 2006
10:25 pm
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on my way
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I think Yes, men are visual, some use it for good some do not....so doesn't it all boil down to learning to tame thoughts, because thoughts lead to actions? Isn't self-control a factor anymore in any relationship?

February 17, 2006
4:23 am
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das033
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hello, confuss

a man that is cheating even though you put forth all of your energy to make things perfect the best way that you know how and he is cheating, it can only mean one thing and that is cuz he is not happy with himself. which to me, it looks as if you can make everything around you guys perfect but if he is not a happy person then, he will try and go find happiness else where. and as much as you pour your heart and soul into this person, he will continue to cheat looking for happiness, not knowing that he will never find it cuz he in not looking in his own backyard. when it is actually him that has issues.

Don't break your neck over someone that has issues and not know they have issues cuz it will ultimately be a neverending battle. A battle that you are fighting by yourself.

You two are not even married yet and he is already cheating, what a shame!

Good Luck, I hope this is helpful to you!

Lots of Love to you!

February 17, 2006
6:00 am
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snowlover
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darling,

I cant speak for everyone of course, but what made me change was losing everything. When I left my husband the last time he had finally had it and filed for divorce. I was devestated, as I didnt want that. At that moment I realized what I had lost, but he would not change his mind. He had reached his limit.

I lost my marriage, my home, most of my possessions, 2 of my 3 dogs, 15 years of history with a very good man, everything!! He is now remarried, and we arent even friends. he still holds a great deal of anger towards me, and I suspect always will.

I will NEVER again cause that kind of pain for anyone. For me, I had to hit rock bottom before I could find my way back up again. Im sure its different for everyone though.

Snow

February 17, 2006
11:06 am
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caraway
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"Most" men would cheat if they thought they would not get caught. I hate to admit that about my own gender. I think that women tend to be wired differently and want to be loyal and trustworthy and men just want to make sure they don't get caught.

Listening to men talk about their affairs at work, playing golf, at the gym, etc. has been very disappointing. I started out thinking that I would never cheat on anyone and now have to admit that I have. I confessed to my partner of 10 years that I had cheated on several occasions and ended up leaving because I was so freaked out by what I did.

I have now made a trusting and loving person a suspcious bitter person. I changed someone's life for the worse.

Cary

February 17, 2006
11:32 am
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artist 2
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Cary, could it be the company you are keeping? It worries me that my BF hangs out each week with a bunch of guys drinking and looking at, what he terms, "eye candy." I was totally insulted. Not that I believe he would ever cheat, but it seems like looking is like cheating.

February 17, 2006
11:45 am
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caraway
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Artist,

I am certain that there are men out there who don't cheat. The people that I hang out with over the years have been from all walks of life. The one thing that they have in common is that they are men and they tend to sleep around.

It ususally starts out as "harmless" flirtation and moves into an exchanges of numbers, a chance meeting moves to someone's home or a motel, a BJ in the car, many married men are having sex at their gyms in the wet area. If you wnat to do it the opportunities are there.

At some point one just has to make the decision to trust and move forward. (I realixe that I sound somewhat jaded here, but I am just reporting what I have seen.)

Cary

February 17, 2006
12:10 pm
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artist 2
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Ok... that makes me wonder how many of these men really care about their mates, or respect the covenant they took under oath in front of God. Secondly, how many men know this and still excuse it just because they are "just men."

Nothing personal. It's a lame excuse and totally irresponsible if you ask me.

February 17, 2006
1:40 pm
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caraway
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Artist,

I agree and don't like it. I think that in the same situation a woman would call someone on it and tell them they were wrong. Men tend to shy away from confrontation of the kind and avoid. (not all, there are some very resposible and respectful guys out there)

I would have never believed that I would have cheated on anyone under any circumstances. I did. I want to believe that I have learned my lesson and would never do it again.

Cary

February 24, 2006
10:27 am
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energetic
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come on. like women don`t? get real..

February 24, 2006
3:03 pm
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gingerleigh
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I sense some bitterness... anything you want to talk about?

February 25, 2006
11:13 am
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zeti
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Not necessarily. It is the case that sometimes they do and indeed it seems all do. But, in reality if you get to know them, understand their fears and concerns, surely you can avoid such deceptions. Smile to reality and move on. Sometimes it is difficult to accept and many a times, we hurt ourselves too much. Just to say, not all of them cheat

February 25, 2006
12:23 pm
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Rasputin
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No not all men cheat. May be a big number of men are unfaithful to their wife.

My father is among those minority who did not cheat on my mom. I wish I could find a man who is only a little bit like him even if 10%.

I hope that soothed your soul Energetic!

~Ras~

February 25, 2006
1:07 pm
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nice guy
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I wouldn't even think of cheating on my wife if I were married. I have known friends who have cheated but one case the woman cheated on her husband. I think it goes both ways where both men and women cheat. There might not be as many people out there that cheat that you may think.

February 25, 2006
1:28 pm
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sird
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I have never nor would I. It depends on the individual not the gender.

February 25, 2006
5:24 pm
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tonnie
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Sweety, things like that happen on both sides. In reference to Zeti's comment they must have not experienced it. I have and that fears and concerns bull is just that --BULL. For ten years I backed my husband and did everything for him. We talked all through our relationship about everything and one day he shut down. I knew and tried to understand and backed and fronted every aspect of him for all that time. Some people (not just men) just don't have any real emotions or are not capable of being real. All you can do is try to love you. And one day things will fall into place for us.

February 26, 2006
5:04 am
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patsynomore
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tonnie--I'm confused, are u saying your husband was unavailable emotionally by nature, or did he become that way because he was cheating? I'm involved with someone who has been slowly detaching and feel like there may be someone else in the picture..but sometimes i feel like my suspicions are an easy explanation/rationale of his apathy. Either way, I'm not getting the emotional support i want. In a strange way I almost wish he was cheating so I could have an impetus to move on. It's hard for me to believe that people just "shut down" emotionally...without an underlying reason.

February 26, 2006
2:05 pm
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tonnie
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Hi patsynomore
What I am saying is that if your relationship was open with conversation for a long period of time and all of a sudden your man shuts down, mood swings, non- communitive, certain unexplained changes there is something wrong. I'm not saying that it is definately someone else- I don't know that but what I am saying is baby please watch out for yourself and your heart.My husband was always there emotionally and then all of a sudden he started to change. Wanting and always believing in him I took his word that there was nothing wrong except strees then without a word he walk out the door to be with someone he only met two months prior. Till this day he still hasn't given me so much of a dog kiss my .......
I wouldn't wish this upon anyone so just watch out for yourself and keep your eyes open

February 26, 2006
5:21 pm
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patsynomore
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Thanks Tonnie--and I'm sorry that your trust was violated. Promise to keep my eyes open. At this point, it feels like my real competition is his work and his music...so I've got to get back in the swing and re--develop my own interests--and supports--that way I can try to be prepared (if one can) in case there is someone else, since behaviorally my partners behavior sounds so similiar to your husbands. How are you coping?

February 27, 2006
11:53 pm
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tonnie
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Hey patsynomore
I am coping. As best as one can at this stage but trust me I will get past this. As for you--good girl. That was all I was trying to say to you. Don't fall as hard as I did. You might and might not fall but if you do don't be totally unprepared of it. If what I said help only you that makes my struggle a little easier. Good luck. And thanks for the concern. I really appreciate it.

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