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Do all men cheat?-a survey
February 10, 2006
3:26 pm
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darling
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I know I can't make blanket assumptions about an entire gender, but it seems to me that I see infidelity everywhere. I understand that women cheat too, but most usually for different reasons than men. I've read alot of articles and such and they all seem to say that women cheat out of dissatisfaction in their relationship or they feel like they've fallen in love with someone else-whereas men seem to cheat for the sex alone. You hardly ever hear of a congresswoman or a female mayor having extra marital affairs, while it seems to be rampant in their male counterparts. No one I know has a mom or aunt or grandma who had an affair for years or even decades and no one knew, but I know lots of people whose male relatives had affairs or even other families, that no one knew about until after their deaths!

I had a psychology teacher that theorized that men are hardwired to cheat. He said that a characteristic of prehistoric men still exists in their biology. That is to say that men are visually stimulated, which is true, while women are stimulated more by touch. This helped prehistoric man to identify the young, healthy and fertile women to carry on their genes. The best way to do this was to mate with as many women as possible.

So what I want to ask is this-could infidelity be hardwired into the brains of men? Are there any men out there who have been in a longterm relationship(by that I mean more than 15 years) who have had the opportunity to cheat and get away with it and chose not to take the chance? If so why did you choose not to cheat? Remember, this is anonymous, so you can tell the truth here!

February 10, 2006
3:35 pm
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Notsure
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I cheated on my wife of 3 years in 1986. It hurt her deeply and I swore I would never cheat on her again because it hurt her so. I didn't though I had had opportunities several times.

She wanted a divorce in 1999 because she was unhappy, didn't like me anymore and wanted to be on her own. Though I understand that she had met a man to make her mind wander but I digress.

I do think most men cheat if given the chance. The problem is what is the definition of cheating. I am surprised by how many guys go to prostitutes (I never have) and don't consider it being unfaithful.On the other hand I am surprised by how many women consider men going to a strip bar as being unfaithful.

Think that men are indeed visual and in part it is ingrained to spread our seed as hokey as it sounds.

Notsure

February 10, 2006
3:35 pm
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CAMER
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from a womans point of view...from men who are friends / or lovers i can name only *one* man who hasn't cheated, and he was married for 15+ years, he is very religious, and believes in marriage, and never strayed....then i can name a "handful" of men who have cheated, one man married 15 years cheated for sex, cuz he "thought" his wife was cheating on him....another married man is having an affair (now) with an associate of mine, cuz he fell out of love with his wife, but doesn't want to divorce "cuz of the kids"....another man has cheated on his wife numerous times, maybe lost passion, but is still married to her for over 20+ years.......its hard
to say, i myself, have cheated alot of times, i haven't been married, but have cheated, cuz i wasn't happy with the relationship and thought the "grass would be greener" on the otherside.

I guess i know of more "cheaters" of men than non cheaters...its sad! but i am sure this thread will get lots of feedback. Then again, i do know of alot of my coworkers who "seem" to have a good relationship, married for 15+ years, so who knows maybe all of these men do NOT cheat or haven't, it would be too personal for me to ask.

((camer)))

February 10, 2006
3:49 pm
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kathygy
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I have never seen a survey that showed 100% of men cheat so the answer to your question is 'no' not all men cheat.

"According to “Today” show contributor Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist with New York Presbyterian Hospital, statistics on how many men cheat are hard to come by because most men do not want to come clean on this subject. Saltz said figures range from 22 percent to as much as 70 percent. "

So its really hard to say how many men cheat but from the above between 30% and 78% do NOT cheat.

I'm sure that when you take other factors into account whether or not your man will cheat will vary according to these factors. I don't think a general percentage is meaningful or applicable to any given man.

Once we were married my husband never cheated on me, another man I was engaged to never cheated on me, in fact I've only had one boyfriend that cheated on me that I know of. that's about one out of eight.

February 10, 2006
3:50 pm
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exoticflower
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I have known many people, namely friends lomg-time married parents and grandparents who have stayed togeather even where there was infidelity, but of all the still married people I know, only one ex boyfriends grandparents can boast (and only then just as far as he knows) that there has been no cheating by the husband. COunting, I can think of 8 long marriages excluding this that I am familiar with, and of them EACH AND EVERY ONE had a cheating man incedent.

My best friend says that it's a blanket assumption to assume that all men DO cheat, but that she's pretty sure all men WOULD cheat, it's a matter of a man being willing to keep himself away from situations where the opertunity may arise. I think she's onto something, myself!

February 10, 2006
4:12 pm
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lollipop3
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I know many, many .....many men that have cheated. I have only had one cheat on me...that I know about at least. My current b/f (ex) has informed me that EVERY man cheats... except him of course. And my best friend's husband says the same thing. That one didn't even bother to exclude himself.

However, I do know a few that I can't imagine would ever cheat. If they did cheat..... Even though it wouldn't be done to ME, I would still feel very disappointed if I found out I was wrong.

Lolli

February 10, 2006
4:18 pm
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revelation
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Nope!

My dad never cheated on my ma...my brother never cheated on his first or second wife (He left his first wife because she was an alcoholic and met his 2nd wife 5 years later!) My sisters partner never cheated on her. My ex...although he had many many many many other severely hurtful qualities did not cheat.

February 10, 2006
4:20 pm
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lollipop3
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That's it.....I"m moving to Ireland! LOL

(((Rev)))

February 10, 2006
4:26 pm
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revelation
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Yeh...the men here don't cheat, because they are all to busy getting drunk!!

February 10, 2006
4:47 pm
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dalpuz
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I believe that men and woman cheat through their lives until they acquire respect for themselves and their obligations to a relationship. I cheated and was cheated upon up until 30ish. I realized that if i can't be happy within the relationship...get out of it. Most people cheat because they can't leave their current relationship for what ever reason. I'm friends today with every woman i've ever been with, mostly because i was either faithful and honest about my feelings when breaking up, or admitted to past relationships my faults and was honest about my feelings back then.

You'll respect yourself and the earn the respect of others by honest with yourself. Alot of that comes from having self respect and the confidence in knowing you can be honest and leave a relationship and still find someone, and not fearing being alone. Love yourself and do the right thing and others with love you for it.

It took me 30 years to learn that one and i'm alot happier today. They all still sent birthday and christmas cards. I think i'm doing the right thing.

February 10, 2006
4:49 pm
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dalpuz
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OH...AND LIFE IS STILL VIGOUROUS WHILE SEARCHING.....LOL

February 10, 2006
4:57 pm
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das033
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hello all! sorry i have been out, i was having technical difficulties and was unable to respond to any of the issues, it was killing me to read and not able to respond!

so this is my theory on cheating.
I am a female and i have a female partner for 5 years now, I think so much like a guy that it trips me out.(and i use it to my advantage! LOL)
(no, i am not butch either,seeing me you would not be able to tell that i am in to girls.) i have cheated, always have!(since high school) I can say that when i was dated/married to my husband for 7 years i did not cheat. (I promise), but i cheated cause it was fun, not boring, adventerous, i was good at it. just to name a few reasons and I never, ever till this day got caught! (i hope know one that knows me reads this or figures out my nickname.)
oh yeeeeah!, ;0) i was a player, although i have chilled these past few months.
my point is yes, women cheat too, they just don't get caught, we are better at the game, then the guys are. "Don't hate the player, hate the game!" and you would not believe, (just to open a can of worms) how many women cheat with other women, wheather it be with friends or other moms @ the elementary school. maybe i should not mention this but yes, it is reality. women are not innocent, they are just better players!

February 10, 2006
4:57 pm
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overcome
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I will say this: I feel a growing percentage of women cheat also and that gap has narrowed over the pat 10-15 years. In essence, a large portion of the population do cheat- men and women. I venture that when people feel that in times of high stress,if their needs are not being met, they are disappointed over a long period of time, or perhaps they have just been together for a really long time and the "thrill" has passed, they may start to mentally wonder if the grass is greener on the other side.

I also think that society today is all about "I". Look at 30 or 40 years ago, people stuck together...not always for the best, but they stuck together. Now in this era of instant news, fast food, hutle and bustle, people want instant gratification and if it is not there, they are gone all to quickly.

I would venture to say that this issue crosses gender lines and is a society problem...not just a man problem!

February 10, 2006
4:58 pm
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exoticflower
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But what counts as cheating to each person? To me blatant deciet and emotional involvement, any pursuit or romantic intent should count as cheating. Each person has different ideas about it, really.

February 10, 2006
5:00 pm
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revelation
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Overcome your statement

"I also think that society today is all about "I". "

Wow, thats so true, its quite apparent and its awful, its going to lead to the destruction of the idea of "family" eventually.

February 10, 2006
5:13 pm
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lollipop3
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I personally have always thought that we, as humans, are NOT meant to be monogomous.

I'm not saying that it is not POSSIBLE, but I think it takes a very strong commitment and a lot of self control that many people just do not possess, or don't care to possess.

That's my opinion. I don't like it...but that's what I think.

Lolli

February 10, 2006
5:16 pm
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revelation
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Hmmmm...I don't think I'd ever cheat. I mean I did when I was younger, but they weren't really serious relationships that I was involved in. I think when I fall for someone and I'm happy then I don't need to cheat. If I'm in a relationship where I'm not happy, then I'll get out of it...I won't stick around and do the dirty behind the guys back...I think I'm just to lazy to cheat!

February 10, 2006
5:18 pm
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exoticflower
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"I think I'm just to lazy to cheat!" lol!!!!

February 10, 2006
5:21 pm
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lollipop3
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Rev...lol....

I guess there should be some distinction in my theory between actually cheating and ending the relationship.

Like you, I have cheated when I was younger but don't think I would at this point. I think that I have the maturity at this point to either try to discuss my concerns with my partner, or to end the relationship if I was that unhappy.

But I still stand by my opinion that we are not meant to be with "one" person forever, and unfortunately some are not as "mature"(for lack of a better word) as you and I.

Lolli

February 10, 2006
5:30 pm
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gettingthere
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my dad never cheated on my mum but i went on to have all three of my ex's Cheat on me mmm cant work that one out,also no someone that has been having an affair for three years,,,no plenty of friends to that have been cheated on , myself i find it very hard to believe in men anymore sorry .............GT

February 10, 2006
5:38 pm
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bonni
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i don't think my dh would cheat, nor my dad, nor many other men I know. One man I know did & it really surprised me. I don't think all men cheat. Though I realize that alot do.

Some would say that i have & in their eyes I have bc i have an emotional relationship with someone who's not my husband. BUT, i've never hid this from my dh and we've been open about it. It just is. I'm very committed to my marriage. I can't help that he doesn't meet all of my needs. I know I don't meet all his.

Technically though, I am the mistress, since he married the military first. we lived in denial about this for 15 years, but now we know. I'll never be the rightful wife, but I'll not betray my vows. I will take care of him til the day I die, no matter what. I made a promise, but that doesn't mean that I have to always be alone and lonely and miserable. While he was gone, i almost hit the ground. the only reason i didn't was because of our friend. I'd probably be dead, were it not for him & my dh is very grateful. We may be in a bumpy path, but I'm alive and I haven't been physically unfaithful. I guess we have to take what we can get.

wow that was a sidetrack! Sorry. No, all men don't cheat. for the record, my friend would never cheat either - not on a partner and not with someone who was married.

February 10, 2006
6:20 pm
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darling
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Just to clear it up, what I meant by cheating is sexual intercourse with someone other than the person you have made a commitment to. I understand that men look. And my ex was one of the men that everyone said,"Not him. He wouldn't do that." All of the people in his life told me I was paranoid-until I caught him. His closest friend had a nickname for him. It was "The Untouchable One." Because he was the only one in their group who was "faithful". My neighbor told me about the affair and I called her a liar to her face. I had known him since he was 14 years old, who was she to say he was a dog like all the rest?

Anyway, I've been really thinking about my future and the family I've always wanted. It looks like I'll never have it, at least not with a partner like I'd hoped. Perhaps its in the Divine plan that I raise my kids alone. It really doesn't matter if I find a man who will be faithful to me, I've lost so much trust that I would never believe him anyway. Isn't it ironic how our worst fears play out right in front of our eyes?

February 10, 2006
6:58 pm
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chazer
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I think that many people are afraid of a cheating spouse or lover because they are afraid that the person they trusted to be what they thought they were revieled their true selfs. So why fret over that when there are so many other people out there, I believe if your happy and trusting in the relationship that cheating would not be an issue, and if it is, dump them cause you found out something shockingly truthful about them that you have to take that as being them and know they arn't good enough for you then. People cheat, but not all intend to, but it's not in your control, so be happy, don't worry.

February 10, 2006
7:09 pm
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dontworrybehappy
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I think about 90 % of men cheat. It is sad but we are all imperfect and all we can do is put our trust in someone and when they break it leave them. I know for a fact almost all men cheat more than women in a realtionship.

February 10, 2006
7:33 pm
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elizabeth anne
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You raise a very interesting question here. Me being naive would have never thought the one I was with would cheat. Because I could not think about cheating on someone I loved. Wake up call!!

The question I have is if one can cheat will they always cheat. "Leopard doesn"t change their spots" Do they ever realize deception does not work in a relationship?

Do they ever get to a point where they realize they don/t want to cheat, because once they get caught maybe they realize this person is going to say "SEE YA"

And maybe they may realize in time after the goodbye, they really loved the person they cheated on and could they ever committ again without cheating??

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