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Dissociated
April 6, 2001
12:12 am
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grass
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Does anyone know anything about dissociating disorders? I think I have one. When things are too tough to handle I seem to stare at a spot and feel like I am being choked. And if someone tries to talk to me during it, it is a shock to my "system". Sometimes I will zone out so bad that I will do things, like cut myself, bang my head on the wall, and curl up in a ball on the floor. When I am like this I feel dead inside. Any input?

April 6, 2001
12:28 pm
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cloud
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Grass, I have experience with depersonalization disorder which is when you feel like you are not real. Things seem like they are a dream all the time and my identity is absent. This is one of the dissociative disorders. This usually happens to me when I am extremely stressed or can't handle something; I zone out. I feel like I am not here (feeling dead inside -- like you said.)
I am on medication for this. Maybe you should talk to your doctor, or counselor about it if you already haven't.

April 6, 2001
4:48 pm
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Ladeska
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Hi Grass....I meant to say hi to you on the flashback board, but will do it here! Glad to see you here.... I used to do that alot. I've come to realize over time that it was my body's way of protecting me. You are obviously in a situation at the time that "reminds" you something very wounding and traumatic in your past. Something someone said or did or the pressure you felt on yourself regarding the event. Your body remembers and sets up a roadblock for what it perceives as incoming danger. Make any sense? Sort of like "shock" that keeps happening over and over again. It does lessen over time, especially when you start really understanding yourself and what you have gone through. It helps when you start having empathy for yourself and giving yourself "safe passage" instead of saying horrible self-talk things. Learning to parent yourself isn't easy - but is so very wonderful when it does happen.....it's like you can breathe a huge sigh and finally feel safe and the protection is coming from....."you".

April 7, 2001
1:54 pm
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grass
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Yes, you do make sense. I do beleive that it may be my body shutting down to protect itself from bodily remembering. For when I have thoughts of what happened to me, I can't stand the feeling of my body, it feels so vulnerable and unreal. If I can't take the thoughts away from dissociating I will hit my head or hurt myself in some other way to take my mind off of it. I used to do this alot, but stopped, and then I started up again in March, b/c it has been a acedmeically stressful, and mentally tireing month. When I get tired I start to let in alot of negative things and go back into the past. Thats probably why I am starting up again. I will go to my counselor again soon and try deal with the things I have put in a suitcase. One time someone said something I thought to be crude at the time, but know I see that there is a time it is justafiable. It was "Deal with it damn it!"...It's time to deal! 😉

April 7, 2001
9:35 pm
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Ladeska
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Grass....you know something....ya got a good head on yours shoulders....you really do. You're going to win this battle...I see it written all over you. You're swimming and you're winning. Our bodies are so vulnerable, tis true. They react to all the poison that's been poured into us, that we've accepted as food...but that spirit person...is soooo very strong and purely incredible. Yours is shining brightly, sweetheart...every so brightly. Keep that little candle in the window, okay? (hugs) Glad you are here in this world, glad you are here with us....

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