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dissappointed...
April 7, 2005
3:55 pm
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tenderheart
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I have been doing real well on getting on without the ex. I have set up boundaries to keep him out because he has not recieved help.

For one short brief moment, I thought change was coming. This morning I gave him a ride to a treatment center and knowing I should not have put any hope or feelings toward the notion... I did.. Come to find out he left and did not stay.

It is sad and that is how I am feeling... All I can do and have been doing is pray for him and continue to work on me.

April 8, 2005
12:49 pm
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CODA_Mom
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tenderheart,

It didn't happen this time, but don't give up hope.

The desire to change has to come from within him, I think you are wise to focus on you for now.

Think about what you want in life and don't settle for anything less. All of us have a purpose, and you need to find out yours apart from your ex.

Hang in there,
CM

April 8, 2005
8:05 pm
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RosyGirl
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tenderheart,

I'm going through the same thing (sort of) right now. My ex bf decided to get help for his drinking problem finally. I told him I'd be there for him as a friend and we could figure out our relationship after he's proven himself to me. He's been sober now for a few days & seems so happy. He's actually very into us & treating me like a princess & all that. I'm trying to keep myself distanced emotionally b/c I'm afraid he'll do the same thing your ex did & disappoint me.

I told myself I was going into this without any expectations or hope for our relationship. It's so hard to do that though b/c when I talk to him or see him, he's finally being the man I knew he could be. We agreed to take things one day at a time & not think about our future right now. But he told me the other night that he hopes this change is forever and that I'm there forever. That's a huge step for him b/c he's never said anything like that before (we dated a yr)& he's always run from committment. I'm trying so hard to keep my feelings out of this, but it's not working!

He came over last night & we gave in & slept together. That doesn't make it any easier to keep my feelings out of it. Is that too terrible? I feel kinda guilty about giving in, but at the same time I kinda don't. He still knows that we're not getting back together until he's stuck with this for a while.

This is so hard to do!!!

April 9, 2005
2:19 am
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tenderheart
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Well he happened to sneak into my house the day he left rehab. My son had walked home and was playing outside and he didn't he even know he came in. It was when I came home that I realized he was there. My bedroom door was closed. I walked in and he was sleeping in my bed. He wrote me a letter confessing his feelings for me. But I knew it was so that he could say all these promises in hopes he could stay with me. I am not sure if you are familiar with my story but I finally kicked him out about a month ago.

I let my emotions get the best of me. I was really praying for him. I made him leave. I told him that I had called the police and that they were on the way so he packed his things and took off. Of course after the heart felt letter he wrote me about how much he loved me and that I was the best person in the world to him, etc. He said he hated me and to [email protected]%! off.

He says that it is my fault for putting him out in the streets. All he wanted was a roof over his head. Blah, blah, blah. It sucks because although I haved seperated myself from him, you know as far as rescuing him and feeling sorry for him I have all these emotions inside. I think it is part of the process of letting go. I am angry,sad, and cry for the littlest of things.

He hasn't called to tell me off which is unusual, I should be thankful, but at the same time, I feel a little scared because I am not sure if he is building up anger towards me. I don't care if he is, I just don't want him to act on it. Last week he came in the middle of the night begging me to let him in. I couldn't do it. He has threatened me and I have my kids with me and he is so desperate that he doesn't care who's around when he acts up.

Feeling emotional - tenderheart

April 9, 2005
7:07 am
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CODA_Mom
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tenderheart,

Is it time to have a Protection Order placed on him? If you are starting to feel scared, trust your feelings because you know him more than any of us.

I do not know your story, but my hunch is that you've been putting up with this stuff for too long. Let him whine about the unfairness of it all, this is not about anybody else but himself. He is making the choice to stay locked in his addiction and his denial.

You are wise to look after your needs and the needs of your kids. Although he is an adult, he is probably taking more of your time and energy than any of them.

I say go for the PO, plus there are other safety measures you can take. If you need them, let me know, but you probably already are familiar with most of them, anyway.

My guess is that you chose the name "tenderheart" because you do not like to confront if you don't have to. In this situation, think "lioness", (grrrr) cause you've got those cubs to protect 😉

Love & prayers,
CM

April 9, 2005
12:39 pm
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tenderheart
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Thanks Coda_mom. I actually have a protection order that expired because I didn't know how to find him. When he leaves he goes to another city about 40 miles away and is nowhere to be found. But I keep it with me anyways, just in case.

Thank you for your perspective on: He is making the choice to stay locked in his addiction and his denial.

It really makes me feel better and gives me a better understanding. Because for a second there a bit of guilty feelings were setting in. I am unleashing the lioness in order to keep up with the process of setting myself free from this man and his addiction.

Thanks a bunch!!!
-tenderheart

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