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disappointment
November 13, 2006
5:17 am
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csmooth
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September 24, 2010
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i just had a son who turned one yrs. old
and his father slept with someone because I did not for the past year, I feel that because I worked and took care of our son I was supposed to be trated like a queen, I guess he could not see that

November 13, 2006
7:49 am
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Devon
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Dear csmooth,

It looks like there is more to this than just you having not slept with your sons father for a year...and him sleeping with someone else.

Did you two ever talk about your relationship expectations? As much as any of us would like to be able to do, we cannot read each other's minds...and, actually, you wouldn't want anyone to be able to read your mind. It would be unfair to expect him to be able to read yours.

It looks like you two are not married. The only bond you have is your son. You do not call him your husband or your partner. Are you living together?

Do you love this man? You talk about him as "my son's father" but you do not describe him in terms of who you are to him/he is to you.

Did you have the baby son so that you could get treated like a queen? You need to start treating yourself like a queen, first. A baby will not bring anyone to you dying to treat you like a queen. If they do, it will be short lived, unless there is something else keeping them interested in the relationship.

People stay in relationships because there is something in it for them. What was in it for your son's father besides him getting the privilege of treating you like a queen?

Having a baby is an exercise in self-sacrifice. You give up a lot to raise a little person to grow up to be a fully functioning adult. The little stinkers take 18 years to do this, do you do a lot of sacrificing.

It is better if the sacrifices you make for your child are about your love for him and not about some twisted duty to him. You will begin to resent your son unless you can make this shift.

It sounds like your son's father has possibly not made this shift...and he may never do this. Some men have the ability to completely walk away from their kids without even blinking an eye. A young father bearly has a handle on himself let alone anyone else. It is the exceptional young father that does.

You yourself seem very young. Now you have a one-year old. As a single mom, you have a hard road ahead. It is not an impossible road, though.

You can make this a really fun road for both of you....

I was a young single mom once. I just adjusted my lifestyle to fit my daughter in with me. We camped and fished and discovered all of the free and cheap things to do around us that there was to do and I taught her to swim...and many other things. Her birth was a total surprise. I was not married and did not expect this huge change to my life. I adapted and she became the joy of my life.

Children flow through your life like fish in the sea. They grow up really fast and they leave you...to live and love in their own lives...in the way you have taught them to.

You leave your legacy within your son. Everything you do with your son today he will carry in his heart tomorrow and use it as the basis for how he will shape his world.

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