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Dilema
October 5, 2004
2:12 pm
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Anonymous
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So my ex sent me an email telling all the things he missed about me. Let me start with my ex before Mr. Jack. A District Attorney, great guy, love his family, love him, I wasn't catholic so he couldnt marry me. We were together two years. His mom still calls me to talk to me, I am that close with his family. I miss him, he sent me an email telling me everything I ever wanted to hear from him ever. FOr a long time he was emotionally unavailable and now, he wants to get married, it's okay I am not catholic, just as long as the kids can be. He truly knows me and everything about me, and I am terrified to even think of having a relationship with someone that knows me. Is this weird. I still care for him, but I am scared of things. Don't get me wrong he was not saint, he cheated and so forth but we worked through it and got past it. He knows about Mr. Jack, and so forth, he is still prominently in my life, and I miss being with him, but do I really go back and try again?

October 5, 2004
2:16 pm
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CAMER
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Aces, just take things slow, and rebuild the friendship you once had, and with all this Mr. Jack stuff make sure your heart and mind is compelely into it b4 taking on this relationship.....it can't hurt to try,
but take it slow, one day at a time.

I do wish you luck, you seem to have been thru alot recently.

hugs from Camer

October 5, 2004
2:22 pm
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Thanks Camer, we have been friends since we broke up, I mean we still will go and hang out, nothing intimate though strictly friends, and he has been pursuing this for the PAST YEAR. We broke up about a year and a half ago. He has not given up since we broke up, I just don't know. I am truly confused with what I feel. I dont even know if I know what I feel at all anymore. And that made absolutely NO sense.

October 5, 2004
2:44 pm
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fairy99
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Aces

Sometimes we do things we regret later in life and it makes us think of the things we gave up because we were selfish or emotionally unavailable. For a man to realize what he has lost is rare, evn more rare is that he talks about it. So too often the men in our lives simply take us for granted and end up regreting ever letting us go. There's nothing wrong with someone who knows you. Who knows what might happen if you don't try at least. You deserve so much better than psycho Jack and you know that. I agree with Camer to take things slow, see where they go. What could it hurt?

~~fairy~~

October 5, 2004
3:40 pm
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luvlee
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A & S,

Do you feel like you have given yourself enough time to heal from Mr.Jack?

Not saying that it wouldn't work to get back with you ex but I have found that sometimes I regret not giving myself enough time between the relationship I am in now and the last.

October 5, 2004
3:48 pm
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Anonymous
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Yeah I know that one, and the fact that Mr. Jack is still around I mean there has not been a day with NO contact and I feel sick, I think I have the flu or something so all of this at once is too much for my foggy brain to comprehend.

October 5, 2004
3:53 pm
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workinonit
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Maybe your brain needs a break for the fog to lift. Can you go away by yourself or with a girlfriend for a weekend? It really might help you to have a bit of space to think clearly. Being right in the middle of everything just keeps that fog where it is. I remember the fog!!!

October 5, 2004
4:24 pm
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fairy99
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I think workin has a good point. Why don't you take some very deserved time for you for a day or two. Go visit a friend who lives in another city close by, or naybe just take some time for you to reflect. You deserve to be happy sweetie.

October 5, 2004
4:43 pm
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Anonymous
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"he cheated and so forth"

Is your gut telling you that you can really trust this man now? Does your gut tell you he is truly changed towards you and emotionally available on a stable basis now, or that he's trying to win you over and will revert to being emotionally unavailable once he has you again? If you're not sure, I'd relate to him for some time, without any talk of a committed relationship, and see. If he's just trying to win you over, he won't be able to feign for a long time.

October 5, 2004
4:55 pm
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wishes
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Aces - I've been reading your posts for the last couple months. Mainly because you sound so much like me. I can relate to so much that you are going through. And with your posts, you have helped me relive some of the things I needed to work out. For that I am forever grateful 🙂

But, don't you think you should take some time off? I mean, you have been running the 'man rollercoaster' since I've started coming to this site. What do you think of some time for you? Some time to figure out who YOU are? For me personally, had I not taken some time, I know for sure that I would be where I was before - going from one creepy guy to another. Now I can see them coming!!! It is so powerful! Not that all guys are bad, far from it, but I can see the icky ones coming....

The space has given me so much...time to grow, time to find out who I am. I never lived alone until I was 32. Amazing. But the most important thing space alone taught me is that I don't need anyone to take care of me. I can stand alone. I can do it! On my own two feet....and I may want a man, but I do not Need a man.

Just think about it. And be happy 🙂

October 5, 2004
5:01 pm
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Wishes, I know you have been there you have responded to posts before. I am glad this has helped you. I know I need to take time off, I try and sometimes it seems like it just doesn't happen. When I feel okay and want to be alone, all these guys come back from the past, or show up just presently and I always think in the back of my mind what if. I have gone through some hell with Mr. Jack, and even just recently like last weekend it was bad and we are not even together. Mr. Ex, was a good guy, and sometimes I wonder if I should retry. I did tell him if we were to hang out it would be just as friends and so forth, no sex or anything since I just can't do that right now. I think have managed to wear myself out completely, and now I am sick to add onto that. I think you guys are right and I just need to take a mini break. A break for me.

October 5, 2004
5:15 pm
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wishes
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Just do what you feel is right. I don't want to try and convince you to do anything. We all need to make our own decisions. But, personally, for me, the space has worked wonders. Eventually I'll get back on the merry-go-round, but not yet. I am having too much fun on my own!

October 5, 2004
6:32 pm
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fairy99
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Take some you time Aces. You really need it.

HUGS!!

~~fairy~~

October 5, 2004
6:40 pm
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Anonymous
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Hey A&S,

At least we're not bored, right;) No just kidding. Its funny because I realized today I was attracted to someone else. Havn't been truly attracted to anyone else for awhile. I also wonder if I'm more attracted just because I let go and have the ability to call NEXT:) What bothers me is that you said he cheated and so forth... I'm very untrusting of those philandered especially right now but I think mafi is right. Taking personal time is underrated I think, How about making a list of what YOU want to do the next couple of days, months, year whatever?
magga

October 5, 2004
7:08 pm
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southgoingzax
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A & S,

"He cheated and so forth?" Now, I don't know you or this guy and I am not saying don't do this or whatever, but he's not a very good catholic if he cheated on you. Not a very good catholic if he had sex with you, either, but that's another story. And you weren't good enough for who? Him? His family? Because you weren't catholic? Sounds like a load of BS to me. Personally, if someone cheated on me, I could never trust them again. That being said, if you think he is trustworthy and worth a second chance, it's your choice. But I hope you take everyone's advice and take some time off for you, and take things slowly.

zax

October 5, 2004
7:15 pm
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Couldn't have said it better zax!!!

October 6, 2004
12:46 pm
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Anonymous
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"he's not a very good catholic if he cheated on you. Not a very good catholic if he had sex with you, either, but that's another story. And you weren't good enough for who? Him? His family? Because you weren't catholic? Sounds like a load of BS to me."

APPLAUSE !!!!!!!!!

One of mafi's 'next time' jokes:
Next time someone has reservations about you not being a Catholic, tell him: "Oh, don't worry, I'm not a Catholic by denomination like you, but I'm a Catholic by ethical behavior, UNLIKE YOU."

October 6, 2004
6:21 pm
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Anonymous
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lol mafi, rings a bell....

October 6, 2004
6:26 pm
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You guys crack me up. yeah and he cheated more than once it was in the begining and then I think well he didnt really care for me yet, and the point is that it shouldn't have happened at all. I think I just need to be with me, and maybe date casually or go out with friends but nothing serious whatsoever, I am way too unstable right now to be good for anyone. Especially after Mr. Jack Ass, which is NOW what I will be calling him.

October 6, 2004
7:36 pm
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Hurrah!!! (Round of applause pls...) Nope, it should not have happened at all. If he wanted to be with other women he should have been honest to you and allow you a choice. I finally hammered that into my ex. By not giving me a choice but instead lying and cheating on me he lost everything. IDIOT. How can you trust someone that can't show that fundamental respect? Their loss, our gain, we are stronger, better and FREE of emotional baggage.

October 7, 2004
12:46 am
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southgoingzax
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Good for you Aces. You deserve to be treated the way you treat others, with honesty, openness, respect, and a genuine concern for their well-being. Start with you treating yourself that way, and others will follow ( man, I wish I could follow my own advice).

October 7, 2004
10:20 am
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Well it is hard. I stood my ground last night when he sent me a text telling me to stop making excuses to be done and just be done. SO I simply stated I do not need an excuse this time. It was really hard, because I did care about him, but I realized it will never be what I want ever. He will never be emotionally available. I cheated and took two drags from a cigarette last night. Oh well at least I still have not smoke one whole one.

October 7, 2004
11:18 am
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Anonymous
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"SO I simply stated I do not need an excuse this time"

Congratulations !!!

October 7, 2004
11:29 am
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fairy99
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Aces

Good for you. And I LOVE the new name for Mr Jack. (he he)

You so deserve a better life without all the bullshit he brings, and I hope you know that. I have known cruel men like Mr. Jack and they are such power junkies it is unreal.

Keep fighting it Aces and soon things wiil become easier. I am pulling for ya cuz I know you can do it.

~~fairy~~

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