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difficulty with intimacy
April 15, 2001
11:46 pm
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jack h
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hello,
I have been with my girlfriend for just about 3 yrs. She has suddenly started to have difficulty with intimacy. For the past 3 months i have been able to giv eher litte more than a back rub. Sex makes her terrified. I suggested 1.5mo. ago that we not have sex to take the pressure off her. I have tried everything to supprt her and would like to continue to support her. she says that she feels "shame" in general lately. She said that she has discovered these feelings lately. I cant help her bcause im not sure if she fully understands. I finally convinced her to see a pro for help. she believes in therapy but she didnt realize just how extreme her behavior was getting until i let her know that i was noticing details in her behavior that she thought were invisible to everone else. I'm frusterated, sad, and hoping to tear down this invisible wall of shame.
can you help guide me?

April 16, 2001
1:00 am
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Ladeska
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September 27, 2010
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Jack..."you" can't tear it down. She'll have to do that. Don't get too caught up in fixing her here... Support her, maybe guide her a little bit, but she has to do the work. Sounds like she has something traumatic in her past that is now beginning to surface. She needs to go at her speed here, so don't push her. Encourage her to seek help. There may be some sexual abuse here, the feelings of shame and trouble with sex - kinda points to that, ya know? If she would like to come here and post, maybe we could talk.

April 16, 2001
7:14 pm
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Molly
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ditto on Ledeska's comments, lets also not forget the moral side of this, 3 years as boyfriend and girlfriend having sex, she could, be contemplating "What the heck am I doing?" No ring no date, why buy a cow when milk is so cheap kinda stuff, what if I get pregnant, sure after 3 years now is a fine time to change, but what else has been going on in the relations?

April 16, 2001
8:54 pm
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jack h
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April 23, 2001
11:56 am
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FOOTSTEPS
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INTIMACY IS MEANT TO BE THE CULMINATION OF SOMETHING CAREFULLY AND DELICATELY DRAWN IN UNISON NOT THE WILLFUL EXPRESSION OF ONE THING TO ANOTHER BUT OF MANY THINGS TOGETHER. THERE SEEMS TO BE A NEED FOR SECURITY IN ALL OF US THAT BELIES ALL MODERN RAGE AT RESTRICTIONS. WOMEN WHO WANT MORE THAN SEXUAL INTIMACY NEED TO START WITH THE "MORE", DON'T YOU THINK????I GUESS i AGREE WITH THE RESPONDENT WHO DARED TO MENTION THE REALITY OF THE MORAL ISSUE. MOLLY SOUNDS 'RIGHT ON' TOO. I HAVE BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK AND BACK AGAIN AND SEEN IT ALL AND WISHED i'D KNOWN BEFORE WHAT I HAD TO FIND OUT THE HARD WAY....SO JACK IF YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT YOUR GIRL SUPPORT HER SEARCH FOR MEANING AND GIVE HER WHAT ALL US WOMEN REALLY WANT: LOVE THAT SEES THE WARTS AND LOVES THOSE FUNNY LITTLE CURVES BECAUSE THE ARE ON A BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING.

April 23, 2001
11:56 am
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FOOTSTEPS
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INTIMACY IS MEANT TO BE THE CULMINATION OF SOMETHING CAREFULLY AND DELICATELY DRAWN IN UNISON NOT THE WILLFUL EXPRESSION OF ONE THING TO ANOTHER BUT OF MANY THINGS TOGETHER. THERE SEEMS TO BE A NEED FOR SECURITY IN ALL OF US THAT BELIES ALL MODERN RAGE AT RESTRICTIONS. WOMEN WHO WANT MORE THAN SEXUAL INTIMACY NEED TO START WITH THE "MORE", DON'T YOU THINK????I GUESS i AGREE WITH THE RESPONDENT WHO DARED TO MENTION THE REALITY OF THE MORAL ISSUE. MOLLY SOUNDS 'RIGHT ON' TOO. I HAVE BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK AND BACK AGAIN AND SEEN IT ALL AND WISHED i'D KNOWN BEFORE WHAT I HAD TO FIND OUT THE HARD WAY....SO JACK IF YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT YOUR GIRL SUPPORT HER SEARCH FOR MEANING AND GIVE HER WHAT ALL US WOMEN REALLY WANT: LOVE THAT SEES THE WARTS AND LOVES THOSE FUNNY LITTLE CURVES BECAUSE THE ARE ON A BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING.

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