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difference between being helpful and being co dependent
July 12, 2009
10:46 pm
Forum Posts: 13
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
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I have often wondered in the past years what the difference is between helping somebody that really needs help, and helping somebody because I am codependent, and want to help only to take care of them... How do you know?

July 13, 2009
6:59 am
It No Longer Matters
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
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LOL When you figure this out, please let the rest of us know.

I have asked before, how do we raise our children so they won't be like us?


July 13, 2009
9:43 am
Forum Posts: 161
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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Good question and it gets all fuzzy with the codie things at work.

I ask myself the question, why am I doing this? If I'm doing it just because and it doesn't have a huge cost, then okay. If I'm doing it expecting something and it's going to cause me to be hypervigilant or a martyr then I have to back off.

I'm practicing and it doesn't always work for me but I notice that I'm doing it more often.

July 13, 2009
10:00 am
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I believe the essence of codependence is doing for someone what they could and should be doing for themselves.
I think each situation needs to be looked at, our own motives needs to be examined. Are we doing things because we truly want to or are we doing things because we think and feel we will get something in return? Are we doing things to gain approval, to be better liked or thought of in a different light? Do we do things because we feel we have to out of guilt?

I know for me that if I am doing something for a capable adult what they chose NOT to do for themselves than that’s my codependence at work.

If I am trying to control someone to what I think they should do or how they should act or behave my codependency is at work. And no I am not talking about children.

I found that when I mistakenly perceived a person's weaknesses to be strengths, my point of view was anything but healthy. I was looking at people through the lens of codependency, and it skewed my ability to accurately assess their true character.

If I rush into any relationship to fast and become enmeshed in someone else’s life my codependency is at work.


~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

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