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did you ever notice that coupledom takes your identity
October 11, 2006
2:44 pm
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loverbee
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I know it is probably an exaggeration but in a way, that statement has merrit. My bf and I have been together for 6 years now. We are individual people with individual interests and individual talents and many individual talents and yet somehow, we are still thought of as an entity. When I am with my friends, if he is not there, it is inevitable that they will begin asking all about him and really it gets annoying. They are all like, "oh how is E" and I am always so tempted to ask, "I don't know why don't you ask them?" I don't think I have heard my name come out of their mouths once unless it was in the context of talking about me as a member of "the perfect couple." How do you fight something like that without starting over and introducing yourselves as individuals like the couple never existed. Seems like family values are pushed way too much. I mean that saying, "you complete me." If I was not complete before the man came into my life I had no business trying to use him to become complete. My bf adds to my life but he doesnt make it a life. In other words I would not die without him. So why does everyone else think that there is nothing if there is no him and me. Some say it is because we are so good together that it gives them hope that they will find love one day but really, this is redicuolous. I want to be me.

October 11, 2006
2:59 pm
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caraway
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lover,

You are still you. People do ask how he is because they know that he is important to you and it is polite to do so. How would you feel if your friends just ignored that you are a couple?

This sounds like some need for independence on your part above just being an individual. Are you tired of being in a realtionship?

Cary

October 11, 2006
3:01 pm
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looking forward mom
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I have no answers for you on that one. I have found myself telling my bf that I don't want his whole world to revolve around me. He has told me that I complete him. I tell him all the time that I was/am complete without him. And that I am with him because I want to be, not because I need to be. He is finally starting to understand what I am saying, but it is frustrating.

October 11, 2006
3:08 pm
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loverbee
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I do want to be in a relationship because I love my bf but all we have ever been is the perfect couple. People talk about how wonderful we are together constantly. it has gotten to the point where when I am talking to another guy, my friends come over and say, shouldn't you be calling andrew now? I can't even make friends without them feeling like I am Cheating on him and the worst part is, my bf even thinks this is rediculous because he knows how loyal I am (have never and will never cheat on him). They don't even realize they are doing it and when I call them on it they all seemed shocked that they are doing and they say, "wow I am being so silly" and I am sitting there thinking my god, I am being suffocated by my friends not my bf. How wierd.

October 11, 2006
3:13 pm
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doubleloss
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loverbee.
just ignore them. i find in general people have good intentions and it is the polite thing to do etc. the only thing that matters really is that you are your bf are happy and understand each other.

i have been separated for 19 months now and people STILL ask me about my future ex. We are in good terms so I say: OK, i think...then change the subject. I used to say: great thank you...and changed the subject unless I was going to talk about it.

October 11, 2006
5:31 pm
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nappy
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Loverbee, When I was in a relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I couldn't understand why I felt the way that I was feeling. My feeling was that my ex-boyfriend made me his world and I didnt want to be his world like that. I started to understand that as long as he felt that everything was going good, then the relationship was good but if I did anything wrong in his eyes and me not knowing why he was upset or mad at me then that is when I understand that I don't want to be his world like that. I am also glad that we didn't decide to live together again because my space was his space and I just didn't want that. Maybe because I was a independence woman before him and I just felt that he was smothering me. He acted like he didn't know how to go on his own to some places that I didn't want to go then he would start acting like a little child and pout but thank god that I had children already and recognize how he was acting and finally got out of there in time.
Others was always asking about him when they would just see me, not ask how I was doing but how me and him was doing as a couple. I could see if they seen us both but it would be only me and then I would tell them that they should ask him when they see him.

October 11, 2006
6:29 pm
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loverbee
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I think that is my problem, they never ask how are you, it is always how are you and A? I want to be thought of as more than just a component to the perfect couple.

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