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March 16, 2009
8:38 am
New Member
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
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Its one year now since l met my man. aftter some few months of dating he made it known to me that he had a kid with his Ex- whom at that time had ended their relationship the guy was financially supporting the kid which l acceptedd though he was not in good terms with the mother.This kid was born when he was still in college,last year on september the ladies parents failled a case against the man to take full responsibility of the kid by moving in with the lady or either pay twenty cows which he could not afford.He kept me updated about the proceedings but the worst happened when he was forced to marry her i felt betrayed by his decision but he assured me that his action would not affect our relationship.though as time went by i found it had to accept the truth that it will remain that way maybe forever.but every time i thought ogf breaking up with him something held me back i couldn't image myself going back to step one.i love him so much and i know he feelk the same.we have beening going out for some time and our loove is growing sstronger as time pass by.i hate thinking about hios situation cause it makes me feel traumatised.at the othe side i find it had to settle down with him after am done with my studies.though he keeps on insisting that he will make me known to the other lady when i will be ready to move in with him.did i made the wrong decision or should i move on with my life please advice.

March 16, 2009
8:55 am
chelonia mydas
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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Hi Nonny,

Welcome to AAC. Its good to have you here. I'm sorry to hear you are going through this.

It sounds like you might be from a country other than the US? If so, could you share more about your culture? Was he really forced to marry her, what would be the consequences if you and him ran off together to get married? What were the circumstances of him fathering this child? How difficult would it be to get the 20 cows required? Is it something he could save up for? Can he divorce her once he gets the 20 cows? Is it acceptable to have more than one wife in your culture?

I could respond from the perception of the western culture I'm familiar with, but if you live under different circumstances, it wouldn't be very helpful.

If my assumption is incorrect and you do live in the US or other western culture, please excuse me.

Sending you support and comfort during this uncertain time.

March 22, 2009
5:44 pm
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
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Welcome the the site and I'm really sorry you are having to deal with this. Here are my thoughts, if he didn't really want to be with this other woman, he would move heaven and earth to get the twenty cows or negotiate them down to something affordable. As long as he is going alone with the plans of his baby's mother and her family, you can assume that you will either be his mistress or a second wife, if that is permissible in your culture. You have to ask yourself if this is what you want to live with for the rest of your life.

The fact that it took him that long to tell you he had a baby, makes me think he is not all that truthful, to begin with. He should have told the other woman that he has another person now, he will take care of the baby but he has no intention of marrying her and just accept the consequences of his choice. He is playing with your head and you should put your foot down. Tell him to choose which way he is going and once he has done that, he could give you a call, but not a minute before.

I know it's painful but you deserve so much better than this. Besides, if you marry him, you will have to deal with this woman because they are connected because of the baby.

March 22, 2009
6:21 pm
Forum Posts: 8
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
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Nonny- Dont listen to what he says look at what he does. He married this woman. He is married and now he wants to cheat on his wife with you.

There is no relationship between you and him to end. He ended it when he got married.

Right now you need to let go and accept what has happened.

This man is lying to you. Who cares what he says or what he says he will do look at what he is doing. He is married to and living with his wife and child.

You have no choice but to forget about him so he can take care of his wife and child and so you can go on with your life.

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