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Did a very Stupid thing
January 9, 2007
10:56 am
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dee1
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I ve recently started going to a salsa class. There are a few different instuctors, one in particular seemed to fancy me. He s avery charming, attractive man so I did enjoy it. On New Years Eve, I went to a Ball organised by the class that 'he 'organised. He asked me to dance and the physical attraction was overwhelming. Anyway, He asked for my no. and the next day we met, he told me he had a kid which did nt bother me too much but later on in the day, I got it out of him that he was living with the mother of the baby. I was sick, could nt believe the cheating fool and I knew that had to be it. I was once the oman sitting at home waiting for my cheating partner to come home so there was no way I was gonna be his bit of the side. That is, until Sunday night, I went to the salsa again, and at the end of the night got really carried away and slept with him! I cant believe it, I feel sick with myself. He called me yesterday to see how I was, and then later on I texted him and he has nt returned my text. I dont want anything from him and I did this to myself I know. I just feel like a piece of shit, I helped a guy cheat and was completely used in the process!! I sunk to a new low that I never thought I d sink to. I was only texted him cos I was getting paranoid about the birth control we used but I think it was more me overreacting, anyway, I feel guilty and crap about myslef, I was doing so well, and I feel so bad for his poor girlfriend!! I know there s no real advice anyone can gove me but maybe some thoughts would be appreciated, I ve no one to blame except myself for this one

January 9, 2007
11:21 am
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dee1
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January 9, 2007
12:29 pm
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mj
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Be Gentle with yourself Dee. You are judging and beating yourself up really good and that is only self defeating. You admit to yourself that you made a mistake. You know how it makes you feel so now you know if you choose that path again the consequence of your action. I have made lots of mistakes in my past and the important thing is to learn from each and everyone of them. No one is perfect and thats why we get to choose how to live our lives. (((((Dee))))))

January 9, 2007
12:43 pm
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taj64
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Hi I totally understand. I did that when I fell for the married man. I knew ahead of time yet I did it anyway. afterwards he called me and wanted to meet to talk about it. He told me at that meeting, he told me he would not leave his wife but that he wanted to continue. It was the strangest experience as I fell for him immediately. It was more than just a lust kind of attraction. I know it sounds like oh yeah sure but it was too late. There was much more going on. I wish I had had the guts and also the knowledge to walk away that meeting. Because that set the tone for the next 3 years. I walked away from that meeting to talk about completely disillusioned. He also told me at this meeting that he had cheated on her a few times before that and my heart just kept sinking, yet I was totally in love in just a very short amount of time. And he explained to me that he did not expect to fall for me either but that he still loved her and stay. I was completely stupid idiot. I wrecked my life for the past four years. I have not recovered completely. You should feel proud that you know to walk away and not keep going back. OK it was not the smartest move in the world to have done this but obviously the guy is not being good to his girl and that he is problem and not yours. If you want to protect your heart though, walk away. Are those salsa dance instructors in close contact with women and isn't that a type of erotic dance? Be careful becuase I would think this could have happened to someone else as well. Im sorry the way you feel right now, but it will pass you know. I know for me I will never ever get involved with anyone guy that has someone in their life. It was a very hard lesson and it changed my life. I don't even talk to my family because of it. They judged me. And I won't be close with them as I am living a better life and I do not want to be close with them as a result of judgment. It is who I am today that counts, not what I did in the past. and for you this is now your past too for you cannot change it, only to move forward and learn the lesson. Good luck, remember it will pass.

January 9, 2007
7:03 pm
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dee1
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Thanks mj and taj, in a weird kind of way I m kind of glad it happened because I have to admit I might have been a little judgemental in the past about woman who got involved with guys who were attched, now I know its not that black and white. I am walking away though because he has made it very clear he wants to keep seeing me but I know its so wrong and I dont want to develop any feelings for him. I admire you Taj for getting your life back together and Im sorry you re family were so judgemental, Its true what you say, its the person you are now that matters. You re right, salsa is a kind of sexual dance and I bet Im not the first girl he charmed from the class, its amazing how you can fool yourself, he was telling me how special he thought I was and I actually fell for it! Now Im cringing. Im starting to feel a bit better as the day goes on and Im glad no one has judged me here cos I was really beating myself up all day! thanks x

January 9, 2007
7:15 pm
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taj64
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There are always two side to a story. And just because you are on one side does not make you any less of a person. There are labels in this worlds that apply for people like me but honestly I don;t ever feel like the names I have been called. It has been a painful experience. Yes he used to tell me I was special and that I made him feel alive. Yes he felt so alive again for the first time in a long time, he went back there and they feel alive together! ha. And sometimes I feel like he left me dead. I have never fully recovered. I live a more peaceful life, yet I don't feel alive how I used to feel with him. Im not sure I ever will. It is best not to get attached to any man who has someone else. I hope you bounce back. There is someone else you can salsa with and also have total eyes for you while dancing.

January 10, 2007
9:58 am
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mj
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Life didn't come with a manual! I am glad that both of you are learning to accept life as a bunch of choices that result in pain or joy. Just remember that you are valuable and special.

January 14, 2007
4:07 pm
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special and unique
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I feel the same way you do. Just the other day, i did a very stupid thing that i now regret doing. If only i could go back in time, but i know that's impossible.Try to focus on the future.

January 15, 2007
5:10 am
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alycia
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Dee, how are you? We r human, i haven't told anyone but i even kissed my daughters dad, yes i will admit it here and wont tell anyone in person cause with the pain he caused myself and my daughter, dont ya think i was a dick to kiss him...

I can't dwell on it, this happened in september and at that time he was sweet talking .....anyhow i wont continue ... i just want you to know shit happens ...even stupid stuff we truly regret...

You know, like me it will never happen again but it still does happen...

Was he sth american, no offence they are the sleaziest so and so's i have ever struck in my life...no offence to anyone but the majority i have met are, men that is....

Hope all is well dee, i hope u are getting better, i certainly am.. i even have a date coming up..... we r gonna be ok dee, i will always tell u that cause its true... we r the good ones and the good ones always end up on top...

Dont dwell on it k, whats done is done.... Got a question for ya, i see every 2nd person is getting into these salsa lessons... Its a hit here in aus too... is it more for meeting people ya think....

Sorry to go on and on, at the end of the day.... i still remember you and wish u all the very best from all the way over here in australia

January 15, 2007
8:21 am
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taj64
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Hi I was wondering how you were doing? I have a feeling you have recovered from this and moved on.

January 15, 2007
9:14 am
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Anonymous
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alycia,

Man, those so american guys really do know how to seduce....like a lot a lot.

This girl had a birthday party and we took the Mexican bus...it drives to 4 or 5 Latin dance clubs around the city.

By the end of the night, I had exchanged numbers with 3 guys. They are much more forward and abrupt than the other men I have dated. I ended up kissing this guy even though I had no plans to do that AT ALL.

The peruvian guy...that was a disaster...ended up going out with his for a while....then being sexually assaulted by him.

They seem to have an extra 20 tactics for getting what they want. Dancing like that seemes dangerous to me after that.

January 16, 2007
3:59 am
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alycia
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Yes artist, they are bad

Sorry to hear about what happened with the guy from peru, (hope u reported him or something) but i can tell anyone now, if you want a man then a latino will take you for sure...

I dont say this cause my ex is from chile, god thats a red flag on its own but from hanging out with that crowd when i was younger, lots of divorced and married men roaming those latino bars.

I remember when having the sth american guy was the in thing at one stage, well here anyway....

Artist this will sound bad but if they say they r latino run for the hills... I know there are good ones, i have met a few good ones but overall, not my cup of tea..

Female friend of mine who went back to uruguay etc say they r 50 times worse back home than in the us, aus etc ....they know even if u speak latino u arent from there, they can spot them a mile off, clothing etc...no more latins for me....

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