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detoxed
January 26, 2004
11:40 am
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Tumbleweed8
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Hey, good luck, V. Let us know okay unless I've missed something on another thread as I still haven't read all of them. Have a good one!

January 26, 2004
11:54 am
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Hey Vegas:

Stay strong. You CAN do it!!

(((hugs)))
acj

January 26, 2004
4:58 pm
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vegas
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Thanx every1 for your confidence in me. I leave for Nashville this Thursday. Then, next Thurs. I'm heading out to Milwaukee. For both interviews will be panel interviews...six people! Yikes!

As for life for me...it's good. Started class today...Child Psychology. As for everything else...just preparing myself for the interviews.

As for romeo...he's tried to call several times. We actually have talked when he called me at work. But, things don't bug me anymore. When I asked God to take the pain away and give me peace...He really took it away. =) Praise Him, my Savior.

January 26, 2004
8:15 pm
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Amen, vegas...

Good luck on your interviews, or should I say "break a leg"?? I never get that right... 🙂

I'm so glad you have peace in your life... That sounds wonderful...

Enjoy your class...

acj

January 27, 2004
2:43 am
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Zinnie
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Vegas,

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,

Zinnie

January 27, 2004
1:35 pm
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lostman
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vegas
Good luck and I am glad you are doing better and it will only get better from here on. Vegas thank you for listing to my problems and being there when I need you, you give me some advice.

lostman

January 27, 2004
1:40 pm
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acj
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Hey lostman:

How are you holding up??

acj

January 27, 2004
7:10 pm
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lostman
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Hi acj
I am doing better thanks for asking. I am finally learning to let go, I have a long way to go, but thanks to all of you I am getting there.

January 27, 2004
8:53 pm
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acj
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I'm so glad to hear that lostman... We're here if you need to vent or anything... 🙂

((((((hugs))))))

acj

January 28, 2004
8:28 pm
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MadTypist
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Hell, vent away,, it's good for you..
Typist..

February 1, 2004
3:47 am
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vegas
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hi everyone,

Just got back in from Nashville...yep. The sweet home of country music. I actually went to the Grand Ole Opry and jammed to some live country tunes. I enjoyed it.

As for the interview, for those of you that are curious, it went well...at least from my stand point. THere were five interviewers (there were supposed to be 6, but the one had to leave) and they all were very casual, kick-back. I answered their four questions they asked and that was it. It wasn't even a whole ten minutes. I don't know if that's a bad thing or a good thing. But, I feel that I gave pretty decent responses. The school told me that I should know in two weeks. This weekend they still have more interviews to conduct.

Thing is...I've got two more interviews to attend...and there are two other schools that I hope invite me for interviews. Now, I really like the school in Nashville. I sincerely appreciate their philosophy as a program and the school's mission statement. BUT, I don't know if I could hang in Nashville...it's very different from LAs Vegas to say the least. I'm used to more modern, metropolis-kind of cities. NAshville...well, even as an army-brat, I hadn't stayed in a place with such a low-key environment and pace. I'm sure I would adjust fine if ever I more there...but...I don't know.

Anyway, I'll definitely keep you all updated as to what's going on with the whole interview/acceptance process.

How are you all? Good I hope.

As for things with romeo...or how I"M dealing with thoughts on things with romeo....eh! I'm just now trying to descramble my brain. On my way to Tenessee I had a window seat. And as the plane flew over the Grand Canyon, I had a fantastic view...and I got to see the Colorado River...and then I remembered the trip romeo and I had to GCanyon nearly a year ago. Just like the whole walking-in-to-spider-webs. All of a sudden I was just tangled in those thoughts. I managed to overcome them and focus on preparing for the interview. I knew that this was more than likely the devil trying to throw me off track before the interview. BUt, on the flight back home...ugh!

I don't know, friends. I can't wait to get out of here. Cuz...well, i guess...despite the peace I have, I still want to grab hold again...not to romeo...but I know it's to the hurt. I let go, and then can't let go...I remind myself of things or allow those thoughts to just go.

sigh. I'm not sure if anyone would understand. Probably not.

Anyway, tired and going to bed.
thanks for you support, everyone.
love, vegas

February 1, 2004
9:21 am
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acj
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Hey vegas:

Congrats on the interview... I really hope you get whatever job you'd like.

And I wanted to let you know that the "tug-o-war" you have with thinking and not thinking is normal... Hopefully, the thinking part is not as common as the not thinking part and is easier to look at objectively...

(((((hugs)))))

acj

February 1, 2004
4:51 pm
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vegas
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Hi, Acj,

Thanx for your words of reassurance...cuz I was beginning to feel sorry for myself again. Sorry for what? That I still grab a hold again to everything.

Here's what I mean...last week, he called me after he got out of church (this is the megachurch he and I both went to together. I no longer attend this particular church). ANyway, he said he ran into this couple who were our classmates in this pre-marriage course we took at church. He told me that this couple recognized him, but remembered only my name...and they asked about me. He told them I now attended a smaller church. Then, he claims that the couple wanted for us-him and me-to have lunch with them. And that was the reason he called last Sunday.

Of course, when he told me this last week I didn't buy into it. I'm sure he saw this couple and I'm sure they asked about me and what-not. But, and I told romeo..."What about your ring? What did you tell them...that you married someone else?" HE claims he never wears his wedding ring and never said anything to this couple. Then he goes on to tell me to go to church with him sometime and check out the new pastor...and how he's going to a small group/support group for depressed individuals there at church--he invited me to that too.

Okay...so this is where I feel stoopid...today, I went to MY church...and anticipated for him to call me afterwards. Needless to say, he didn't call. I know I shouldn't have set myself up and expected it...cuz now I feel stoopid. SOrry for myself is more like it in that I can feel the thoughts coming on again.

I hate it. I don't have friends here who I can turn to about this. Cuz they are all tired of it. I guess I don't blame them in that I'm tired of it all myself too. Even if me starting another class again and with all the interviews coming up, I can't seem to shake off/away the thoughts of romeo. That's another reason why I haven't posted consistently...I was/am ashamed that I still got these issues. And there is no one for me to talk to about it. The people who I do talk to...one of them ridicules me and totally dogs out romeo. I don't like this in that I already feel bad about having spent 3yrs with this guy and now having to deal with all this aching. My other friend, she's never been in love...or even has had a boyfriend for that matter. She just can't relate. And her advice or her pieces of wisdom are just too narrowminded. She can't comprehend the many facets I feel or think of. And as for my best friend, I can still tell her absolutely anything and everything...but she's no longer interested. She can't say anything anymore...and I understand. I don't blame her cuz I'm just too tired of it all too.

February 1, 2004
5:00 pm
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vegas
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someone earlier wrote me to not allow for romeo to take my mind too...I having already given him 3yrs and everything. sigh

no, I don't "want" him anymore. Not like before when I did want him back...(there I admitted it. I don't think I did in my earlier posts/threads). But, ya know, sometimes it feels as if we're still together. And it's not from our conversations...I mean, we've had just two in the last three weeks. It's everything else...the way the light shines through my bedroom window or the brightness of the sum when I drive down the street. The weather and the clouds in the sky. The cool air in my nostrils then in my lungs. This whole damn place. The everything. I am aware that perhaps I am putting too much connections btwn these everythings with memories of us or of him. But how can I control it--stop my thoughts of him--when I don't notice it until after I already started thinking the thoughts. Does that make any sense? Maybe one of you might understand. Like, how can I actively NOT think these thoughts and avoid the thoughts...when I'm concentrating on not thinking them. humph! THis reminds me of my philosophy courses.

sigh. Well, whoever is out there...thanks for letting me vent. most of the time That's usually what I need.

have a great super bowl sunday!
vegas

February 1, 2004
5:28 pm
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lostman
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Hi Vegas
I am glad your trip went good, glad your back. I know what you mean, I think about her and don't reliaze it. I change my thoughts and it comes back before I know it. I think a lot of it is a habit, well that is one habit I am sure going to break. Have a good day.

February 1, 2004
5:46 pm
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vegas
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Habit...I never thought it that way. Addiction was like it...at least over and before the holidays.

How are you? I didn't notice your older threads having been updated...do you have a new one going? (Tell me so I could check it out and refamiliarize with what's new with you.) Hope you're okay. Your ex leaving you alone or what?

I wish romeo would've left me alone at the get-go. Then maybe I'd be through with it all now. I even have cooled down with my praying and reading the Bible/devotionals, all that. After my last conversation with him...I don't know. Like planting seeds in my brain.

lostman, I know you genuinely loved your ex...do you ever think that there is still a chance btwn you two? If she were to leave this guy, would you want to give things another shot? I ask cuz I know you understand how I feel. MY answers...honestly, I think I would take him back...not that I would just forget everything...but--I don't know. Take him back just cuz...cuz it just feels...for lack of a better term: "right." Tho everything else isn't/wasn't al-"right"/right, just being with him feels right.

ugh! disgusting. Even I lose respect for myself when I reread that!

February 1, 2004
6:03 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi Vegas,

Glad to hear that your interviews went well.

I agree with Lostman, he is a habit, and you need to break that habit.

Why do you keep talking to him when he calls? Why even answer the phone? He is married to someone else, you are perpetuating his infedility - let him go. I know you miss him, and you miss the relationship, you were with him for a long time and it will take time for you to get over it. If it didn't you would not be human.

But, why rationalize with him? Why ask questions? You know he is going to lie and tell you what he thinks you want to hear anyway. Like the references to people at Church. He knows this is your weak spot. So he heads right for it.

Think of it this way. All of the time you spend thinking about him, obsessing over what he is doing or not doing, is time that you will NEVER get back in your life. Our time here is short, use it wisely.

Love,

Zinnie

February 1, 2004
6:49 pm
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vegas
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THankx Zin.

I know exactly what you're saying...just don't know why I do what I do, think what I think.

February 1, 2004
6:58 pm
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Zinnie
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Because you have been doing it for three years. It takes time to break habits and create new ones.

Make this a new day... if he calls, don't answer or hang up.

Go on about your life. Don't regret the relationship, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT - just move on and learn from it.

You now know more about what it is that you don't want, and more about what you do want.

You are a beautiful person Vegas, and you DESERVE a man who will treat you with respect, honesty, integrity, humor and love. A man who will give you his time, his heart, his body and his love. You are deserving of that 100% Vegas, and by holding on to Romeo - you are cheating yourself.

One of these days, you will be the one in my shoes - hopefully reaching out to another person who is where you are now. Just like I was 20 years ago. I look back and think "what in the world was I thinking?" He was no great catch. I look at my friend that I told you about. She sent me some new pics of the family and the kids. She is so happy, and you will be too Vegas.

You have so much to offer. You are smart, you are funny, a good person; a person who really cares about others, not only yourself. Any man in his right mind would fall to his knees and thank God for you - when you choose to commit yourself to him.

Love,

Zinie

February 1, 2004
8:27 pm
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lostman
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Hi Vegas
A couple weeks ago yes I would take her back, but now my head is clear I can think better. I think she would do it to me again, I still love her alot, but I can't go through this again. I was very good to her and she would tell you that, she had no reason to dump me, I never even raised my voice at her in the three years we were together. So there is nothing more I can do to make her happy, and I can't treat her any better, nothing would be different than it was. If I was mean to her I could change that, but that is not the case. For six weeks all I could do is think about her and I didn't care about anything else in my life. I had to get my life going again, I have a long way to go, but at least I have started. I think the shock of losing her was the hard part the worest is over. I think about her a little less each day, but I have my good days and my bad days. Vegas if I can do this, I know you can. My x does not contact me and that helps. I am here if you need me, I know you can overcome this, and I am with you all the way. Just like zinnie said don't take any calls from him. Have a good day, and remember you have a lot of friends.
lostman

February 1, 2004
8:34 pm
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MadTypist
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Heard thru the grapevine, that the woman my ex slept with, the same week he asked me to marry him, came to his house and caused a big scene. really nasty, well , she can have his sorry butt.
Typist,,, ( on to better things)

February 1, 2004
8:40 pm
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Zinnie
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Hey Lostman,

The same will happen to you too. You will meet someone who will appreciate you for being you. For treating her well and with respect. I don't know why there are people out there that hurt others like they do, but there are.

I'm just sorry you both have managed to hook up with them. But, hopefully - like me you will learn your lesson.

Love,

Zinnie

February 1, 2004
9:59 pm
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Zinnie
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Sorry Typist - I guess the good news is that you found all of this out BEFORE there was ever a wedding.

Z.

February 1, 2004
10:24 pm
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acj
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Hey guys:

I can relate to constantly thinking about your ex. I sit on my sofa, and I think about him.... I see a flag of the U.S. and I think military, then I think of him....I cook dinner, I think of how he used to cook for me. I go to bathroom and I think of the "fun" times we had... I drink a cup of coffee and remember how much coffee he drank... I know once I buy my house and get rid of all my stuff (it's all given or yard sale stuff) that his memory will deminish... I hope. It's hard.

I can offer this advice.... I went out on a "date" today for lunch and met a guy named "Tim".. I'm going to meet another guy tomorrow night named "Paul"... I'm thinking that if I can remake some memories at my favorite hangouts that I can replace those other memories.... Here's my advice... Don't do this. I've found myself comparing the guy today with my ex. He didn't stand a chance....Tomorrow, I'm just looking for some companionship. Yes, I have a bruised ego. Yes, I think I'm just as bad as my ex. And I think I'm going about this wrong... I need to get on my own two feet before I bring someone else into this mess....

But, I strongly believe with all of my heart, we all will find someone....Someone that will be the "one" for us... Just keep the faith, keep praying for God's will, and keep your chins up. God has great things in store for us....

Love you all......

acj

February 1, 2004
10:28 pm
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Zinnie
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I think we have to find happiness in ourselves first - not making finding "the one" the big priority.

Once we are happy with who we are, the rest follows.

After my husband died, I never in my life thought I would be happy again - but I am. Actually, I had a thread about that here. If you want me to pull it up I will.

But, really work on yourself, find out who and what you are about. Relish the good things that you have in your life - the rest will come.

I promise.

Love,

Zinnie

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