Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_TopicIcon
detaching
June 21, 2005
12:16 pm
Avatar
braindead
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Can anyone explain this whole detaching thing to me? I am new to this site and I hear everyone talk about when you need to start detaching. Just curious. Thanks, Brainy

June 21, 2005
12:21 pm
Avatar
frayedknot
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Welcome Brainy

I guess I can give my definition. It's like cutting the umbilical cord to someone. No longer needing them to survive. I talk about it in the sense of no communication or contact. Surviving on my own without the need of the other person. It's a little like an addict withdrawing. It sounds easy, but it's not. The only way to move forward with your life is to detach emotionally from someone who isn't good for you.

June 21, 2005
12:23 pm
Avatar
lilgirlwithin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

How do you detach emotionally? Do you leave them? I don't get it? Maybe I'm not wanting to, I don't know. ALl I know is I feel insane right now, with this whole being codependent thing. I hate it.

June 21, 2005
12:27 pm
Avatar
kathygy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think of detachment as not being affected emotionally by someone else's behavior or words. Lets say my boyfriend is in a bad mood. I can detach from that by not being affected by his mood. If I was in a good mood, I still am in a good mood.

June 21, 2005
12:42 pm
Avatar
revelation
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Mmm-hmm, its an emotional detachment.
Probably the best thing to do if you can is get the book "Codependent no more" by Melanie Beattie, it goes into detachment quite a bit and there are some excercises to help you with it. Really explained it for me anyway...

June 21, 2005
12:44 pm
Avatar
frayedknot
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

lilgirl

When you stop contact (physical detachment), then you have to begin emotional detachment.

Detach emotionally by changing your thoughts when you are thinking of your ex. This is hard work and takes a lot of effort. You have to stop the thoughts by saying something else to yourself. "blank is of no use to me anymore. I am getting stronger and healthier everyday" Say it to yourself over and over and mean it. Or, if you have a good thought you can use, that may be better for you.
Say your line over and over and wait for the anxiety to pass... It's not easy and takes a lot of practice. This website is very inspirational... It has helped me a lot..

We all know the insane feelings. They are very strong at first. They get better with time. No contact is very important once you know it is best for the relationship to be over. Or, when your partner is stringing you along...

June 21, 2005
1:29 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It is a challenging phase, especially if you are an emotional person or have loved someone passionately.

However, it is essential and helps you to establish your own identity, independence and strength.

June 21, 2005
1:43 pm
Avatar
lollipop3
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Brainy...lilgirl,

In Al-Anon, when they speak of detachment, they speak of detachment with love, not with indifference.

We do not have to end a relationship (that is a decision only you can make), to detach from a situation. Kathy gives a very good example of this.

Here are some other examples of detachment given in Al-Anon's daily readers...One day at a time and Courage to Change

Let me not take to myself, and suffer over, the actions and reactions of other people. Other adult human beings are not my responsiblity, no matter how closely their lives may be intertwined with mine. I will not allow myself to be troubled by anyone else; my one problem is to improve my own way of living and looking at life.

Detachment with love means that I stop depending upon what others do, say or feel to determine my own well-being or to make my decisions. When faced with other people's destructive attitudes and behavior, I can love their best, and never fear their worst.

Detachment is not caring less, it's caring more for my own serenity.

I hope that this helps you to better understand what is meant by detachment.

It can be a difficult concept to grasp but it really is necessary whether you remain in your relationship or not.

Lolli

June 21, 2005
2:46 pm
Avatar
shyshy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I started slowly detaching from my bf in my way of thinking. It used to be all about him. I used to think of things I could do to please him or tried to figure out how to make it better and it was driving me crazy.

So, I changed my focus. I think about me and my kids now. He's a grown man who can take care of himself. Now when he has a problem it doesn't affect me like it used to and I'm able to see things for what they are.

That is how I started detaching. When I finally leave him it will be a whole lot easier to get over him.

June 21, 2005
3:39 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

If you go to the thread search and type in detachment , it will bring up some old threads on detachment. I think you'll find some of the posts very helpful. SD

Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
48 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 108555

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38531

Posts: 714172

Newest Members:

Torrent_Hit, Irrigationdql, Vortexfia, olalaprofi, brianzi18, WilliamGoldPek

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer