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destined to be alone?
May 8, 2005
1:02 am
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aflemi01
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Am I destined to live my life alone? I've spent the last 18 years in a co-dependent relationship taking care of a sick wife. I left 6 months ago because I just couldn't do it anymore. I also filed for divorce.

I've had one serious relationship that terminated aburptly and just started a second one that fizzled. Both times they pointed to my caretaker relationship and the burdens therein. My "wife" is now terminal and will die sometime this year.

Am I fooling myself that I can handle a relationship? Am I destined to live alone for the rest of my life because of my past? Someone please help.

May 8, 2005
1:58 am
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silence
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what do you know about being alone? You've bveen in a "relationship"

Try being me for 10 years. Then tell me about being alone for the rest of your life

May 8, 2005
8:39 am
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Jadey
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^ Thats not very fair is it...

Everyone feels alone at some point it doesnt matter if you have been in a relationship or not. I should imagine taking care of somebody sick feels very lonely. Get a grip silence.

May 8, 2005
12:43 pm
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PinkPrincess
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Yes..it's mean to say that to him. aflemi, I have a glimpse of how you feel. It's hard to know what exactly Im feeling right now. Im only 15. I am already a codependent and in an abusive relationship that i never want to end.. but hes neglectying me lately so maybeit will....I hope you find someone...Just take some risks and forget the past. thats what people tell me. good luck hun.
Princess

May 8, 2005
12:54 pm
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Rasputin
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Alfemi,

You have been in relationship for 18 years. That is a long period. I believe every divorced/separated person is entailed to some mourning period after their separation.

So, before you embark on any new romantic friendship, you need to grieve your previous relationship, even if it was not happy one.

May 8, 2005
1:17 pm
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Deena
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I don't think it's fair to yourself to think you are destined to be alone. I don't think it's a good idea to jump from one relationship to the next. Everyone needs time to heal and find out what they want the next time around. Take time for yourself. You don't "need" anyone. Im just learning that now...and Im in my 30's.

May 8, 2005
2:30 pm
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gingerleigh
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Definitely. You've spent so much time taking care of someone else, it's time for you to learn to take care of you.

I too jump from relationship to relationship. I ended up rushing into a marriage, which just dissolved, husband filed for divorce last week. In the past I would have already started looking for a replacement, but you know what? I'm sick and tired. I'm really bad at this taking care of me stuff. I find myself trying to fill up some huge void inside me and my life with anything, anyone, men, food, alcohol, anything to distract me from just being, well, me.

I don't have the answer for you, or really even an answer for me other than to be patient with yourself and recognize that time, not someone else, is going to heal you.

Best wishes to you.

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