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desperation..
December 20, 2003
12:14 am
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astrid
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hi. i camee across this site whhile looking up informataion on codeependency, and how to recover from it. my problem has nothting to do with alcoholism or drugs, but rather an extremely intense depeendency on my boyfriend. its horrible.. i love him and im afraid to lose him.. so i do verything i can to please him while ignoring my needs totally. but then again i dont know what i need. i cant talk about my feelings with anyone.. i get uptighht and vrey uncomfortable. i want to be strong and i want people to think i am, even though i know im not. its gotten a lot worse lately because i just found out my mother has stage three cancer.. now, you'd think tthat i would want tot alk to her as much as possible but actually i find myself avoiding her because i dont want to lose control in front of her. its kind of like a pride thing.. id otn know.. i hate people seeing the weak side of me. my boyfriend is the only person tthat makes me happy.. but.. ahh idont know how to explain it really. he is my life... i base my entire schhedule around him.. iquit my job to spend more time with him. and when i cant be with him i get mad at him... i always want him to call me, and b ewith me instead of his freinds.. and i know that he shouldnt have to deal with that but that iss what i think i need. i want someone to be thehre for me 24/7 and when he doesnt call me, or doesnt say bye to me online or something i freak out in my mind. i start saying all these crazy things in my head like hes going to break up with me and i just get so upset. meeeeeeehh i dont know what to do. any suggeestions would be appreciatd..

December 20, 2003
1:57 am
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Zinnie
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Hi Astrid,

Is this your first boyfriend or serious relationship.

Also, spend time with your Mom. I know you don't want to see her or let her see you sad, but as some one living with cancer, I want people who want to be near me to be near me.

When I have been going through treatment or sick and in the hospital, having a friend or family member there can lift my spirits and my soul. You would be amazed at how much better you and your Mom will feel.

December 21, 2003
1:36 am
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gingerleigh
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Definitely talk to your mom! Even if you cry or break down, that's being real, and your mom loves you for who you are, for being strong, for being vulnerable, for being, well, you.

Breaking out of codependency starts with making a life of your own choosing. I think a lot of codependency stems from being bored because our lives lack spice... we wait for that other person to come back and make us whole. Is there any way that you could get your job back or get another one? Through work, you can often find satisfaction through producing, and also you can meet other people who someday become friends. Do you have any other things that you do without your boyfriend?

December 27, 2003
10:51 pm
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Jessica Lee
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September 24, 2010
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I just joined so I don't know all your problems, but reading about telling your mom...well, as a mom, I agree.

Mothers love their children, no matter what. If it seems that your mom doesn't understand or is mad, it simply means that she is afraid.

Give her a chance, let her give you a chance. Fear is big.

December 28, 2003
5:40 am
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Anonymous
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"Mothers love their children, no matter what."

As a generalization, it's the biggest lie I ever heard. The amount of mothers who love their kids enough not to ruin their lives from lack of parental love is the minority and not only not all mothers, but also not the majority.

The biggest harm done to kids is to tell them that mothers always love their kids. This is where the shame and guilt appears in the child: from believing that if a mother always loves, then the problem must be him/her, the child.

Many-many mothers I know are the kind whom you'd better hide your stuff from because they're out to get you.

Human mothers are not always loving of their kids, and they're not naturally supposed to be. Kids need to be taught to detect from an early age and protect themselves from toxic parents. It is not true that kids are so helpless in the household that nothing can be done. If more was spent on children's welfare and education against abuse, rather than on other things, kids would have a decent alternative to household horrors and would ask for help more.

The Establishment is interested in perpetuating the lie that mothers always love their children, it has an interest in humans being raised for servilism. And many-many mothers do the dirty work for the Establishment, gladly.

December 28, 2003
11:57 am
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Anonymous
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Not that it has anything to do with your post, just felt like sharing that (sorry for bumping in).

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