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Depression
February 28, 2000
5:10 am
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cherry blossom
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September 30, 2010
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Hi everybody. I've a life long crisis, I suffer from depression. I realized about this long time ago. I close myself from everybody, even to my own family. I don't know how to cope this thing. I never search for a profesional help, never. I'm trying to help myself, but I guess I fail.
I'm a middle child, have a good education, and single. My father such an over protective person especially for his daughters, including me. He wants me to be the No.1, all the time, but I'm tire with his expectation to me. When I was younger then now, sometimes I got a good prestation, but for him it meant nothing because I wasn't the No.1 . I want to be the No.1 as he wants me to be, but that's all the best I can do. So slowly but sure, I became naughty. I refused continued my study to university, although lately I went to the uni, but I did that after a big fight between my dad and I. My relation with my mother isn't good either. I can talk a personal problems with her, because I know she would blame me. She lives in a consevative ways and thought, when I go a very different ways with her. Sometimes I'm jealous with my friend who can easly talk about everything with her mother. And I hate my brother because he's always tease on me, he's always try to put my feeling down. He's getting better to me now, but still I can have a nice brother-sister relations.
I only can get along with my sister. I can talk all the things with her. I'm trying to be a better person, but it's a really hard things to do.
Thank's a lot to read mine.

February 28, 2000
7:45 am
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janes
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If you have never sought professional help how can you be absoulutely SURE it is depression? That would be the first step. My daughter had rages the first 18 years of her life and we discovered ot was an allergy to ALL milk products...the change was DRAMATIC!!!!

Your father may be overprotective but he is also pushy and demanding.

You do need to find someone to talk to. How about your friends mother, a minister, the university may have free counseling services.

If you are tired of being this way then YOU need to make the changes and not blame others for making you stay this way. Just like this website there are many caring people in the world.

Start a journal.

As for being number one...be the number you want to be. Be the you you want to be.

sounds like you are doing a lot of reacting to others and not acting on your own bwhalf.

good luck.

March 4, 2000
2:15 pm
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Brittainy
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Hi I've not been sending messages for a while because I feel so depressed that I am no good for any one. I do understand depression as I've suffered for twenty years. I hope one day to wake up and feel good. I really feel for those who suffer depression.

March 7, 2000
11:45 am
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kay
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cherry blossom, I felt the same as you do. I too always felt as if I had to please my father and be #1. I too was pressured into university and I even did well, but I always felt like I was doing it for others rather than myself.

But some things have changed for me. I finally stood up to my father and talked to him. I told him how I felt and I was brutally honest. It was not easy but he understood more than I thought. It turns out he wanted the best for me and didn't realise how much he really pushed me. Now he supports my decisions even if they are different than his

I have the same communication problem with my mother. I don't feel I can tell her anything. I think in my case it is her problem not mine, and I have just been realising this lately. When I step back and look at her social life I see that she doesn't have many female friends and I think she just doesn't get along with women in general. I try not to take it personally. It is sad but I don't think I will ever be "friends" with her and I find other female companions. It is hard for me because I have only started looking. For a long time I thought it was my fault I didn't get along with mom, but now I just accept how it is.

My family is strict too, they are catholics. I am the only girl and get treated unfairly, sometimes I can't even see my fiance because of my curfew, but I just keep telling myself I only have to put up with it for 3 more months until I am married.

I think it will be good for you to go to university for many reasons. You will learn to socialize and live for yourself rather than your father. I don't use the degree I got from university but it was still a great learning experience about life and has helped me in many ways. And when I needed help I went to the counsilor at the university and he was also great.

I am still depressed sometimes, it comes and goes for many reasons, up and down like a roller coaster. You need to find somebody to talk to, a professional, it will do you worlds of good. Nobody can help you unless you make the first step youself....keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

Kay

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