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Depression is overcoming me
October 9, 2001
3:42 pm
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Difficulties
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September 27, 2010
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I'm really confused and having a difficult time emotionally right now. I'm running out of diversions and ways to handle these emotions. Here's a little background:
Nine months ago, I ended a three year relationship with someone who turned out to be controlling, manipulative, self-serving and neglectful...not to mention emotionally and verbally abusive. Around the same time, I suffered a miscarriage. I struggled with so many emotions and feelings for months after that, and then I began short-term therapy that should end this week. However, the time of year is very significant in triggering emotions from the past. I'm just now experiencing a lot of 1-year anniversaries of hurtful times in this relationship...memories and feelings are truly beginning to haunt me, and I know it will only escalate throughout the holiday season. I've been so unbelievably successful at staying positive and working hard to make myself a better person...one who has learned from the past and is determined to have a bountiful future in all respects. And there's no denying that I'm making great progress in my life so far. But suddenly, I find myself blind-sided by painful emotions that are bringing back hurtful events that could have occurred yesterday for all my mind seems to know. It hurts so much, and I thought I was doing so well until now. I'm overwhelmed with feelings such as: I'm never going to be a mother...I'm never going to find love again...I'm never going to get over the losses I've suffered in the past...Nobody will ever understand me or love me for who I am, faults and all...not to mention the fact that so many dreams, hopes and joys have been crushed already. It's like I'm reliving last year all over again.

I just don't know what to do with these feelings. And I was so certain that I was definitely ready to end counseling. But suddenly I feel like I need to talk to someone now more than ever. Last year, October through December were absolutely devastating, to say the least. Is that why I'm suddenly in a fog of pain and uncertainty? I can remember specific dates and what happened on them with such clarity, and I can't get around them. Can anyone please help me through this?

October 9, 2001
4:45 pm
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Molly
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oh, sweetie, I can so relate to where you are. I have been there and survived. You must change your language, and thought process, celebrate this year as your first year of freedom, from abuse, and pain. The fact that God had the wisdom to not let this baby come into a bad situation. That you now have the freedom, to choose another partner, and the opportunity for your dreams to come true. When the meloncholy starts to take over, just shake your head, and thank God you got out when you did. YOu may need to hold on to your support for a while longer, it helps when there is some one to clarify your thought process, and right now there are so many ways to give , give, give, and support those who really have less than you. You will find a lover, you will have children, you will have that dream life, as long as you shake this negative thinking. Sometimes it is hard to see the blessings in the fog, but they are there. Post here and we will help you.

October 10, 2001
11:32 am
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Difficulties
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Thank you so much, Molly, for your words. I find it difficult to talk to my family and friends right now about my feelings. It really means a lot to hear that somebody else understands and can relate to my experiences in some way. I think the phrase you used that spoke to me the most was "Sometimes it is hard to see the blessings in the fog, but they are there." I know in my heart that you're absolutely right. I thank you for the gentle reminder, the supportive words and the encouragement.

October 17, 2001
10:16 am
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taketime
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Hi difficulties
I understand your depression because im a counselor.Just to encourage you is that you have to always keep yourself thinking positively no matter how bad the situation is it takes a lot of courage and prayer to get over your past and look forward to the future.If you have a sincere true best friend then id advice you to share your problems with hte person two heads are better than one and you`ll feel much better if you open up to someone and also learn to shed some tears when necessary coz it releases the stress from your chest with time learn to let go and let God do the healing for you and its not by by your own strength that you`ll manage this but by his power that will help you forgive the someone who hurt you.

October 17, 2001
12:47 pm
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ragdoll
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Difficulties - thank you for posting because the thread you started here is helping me too. I have just begun the process myself. I am scared that I'm not really grieving for this relationship yet, and I think it's because I'm haveing trouble detaching. I hear you regarding your situation and I think, she's made progress! She's really moved! I hope that's where I go too - and I expect there will be times in my future where it will come back for a while like it did for you. In fact, it seems possible to me that I follow a similar path as you seem to be on... I'm not crying or grieving...perhaps I can't right now...and perhaps a year from now, when I'm REALLY feeling stuff again - devastating stuff - that will mean that I have made myself stronger, and I'm readdressing it because i am strong enough to not have to protect myself from it anymore.

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