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depressed: why am I?
February 7, 2007
8:24 am
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Anonymous
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TT,

Sorry...for getting all defensive for you about your mom. (When you probably don't need or want me too.) I guess I just want you to be happy and I bet she is/was great in a lot of other ways, but I just hate how my pain from past experiences gets to me from something some one else did or said.

I wish I could stop hurting from that stuff and I wish the world could too. I guess wanting to "wack your mom in the head " doesn't make your pain and confusion about the roles of women go away, does it?

Rats.

I like your point: behave like mothers and fathers.

Instead of behaving like crazies, right?

February 7, 2007
9:56 am
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mj
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Thanks TT

February 7, 2007
4:46 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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AG, Were you being defensive??? I thought it was joke. there are times even now when I want to shake my mom and say Hey there!!!I may not be a son or produced any grandsons for you but I have talents tooo!!! "

please please never apologize to me. You are such a good person asnd I would never take offense at something you said.

I think that I meant that well, my mom isn't perfect but she was apretty good mom. who am I to criticize a parent anyway. all my kids go home at 2:15.

February 7, 2007
4:48 pm
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MJ,
Unconditional love I think shouldn't be something we agonize over. I think if we work on ourselves and healing the unconditional love will come. At any rate it certainly can't mean staying in a situation or being with people who are abusive in anyway.

February 7, 2007
4:49 pm
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MJ,
do you post a thread or do just be a good angel and help other people?

February 7, 2007
7:19 pm
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ooo oooo me teacher I raised my hand!

mj does have a thread called "What the world needs now..."

I guess I should let mj respond....is this being codependent? I do feel like a kid..."I know the answer!"

mj, any further thoughts on your thread?

I want you to use your own voice...so you can take over about all that...lol 🙂

TT,

Sometimes I get over zealous...so occasionally I do feel like it might be in good order to apologize for speaking before thinking everything through.

I am glad you are taking care of all your kids even if you don't have to go home and read them bed time stories. 😉

February 8, 2007
4:20 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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Yeah I have 17 'kids"this year. Some have parents who are addicts most of them have parents who have spent time and jail and only a few of them have parents who care about their education. Most of their parents see school as away to get the kids out the house for 6 hours. I worry about them a lot. six ahours is not enought to teach them about love, about consequences for behavior and reading and math etc.

then I come home and take care of my paranoid husband. hmmm I wonder why I am depressed and prone to anxiety attacks?

thanks for raising your hand AG. (I always compliement 'correct' behavior)I will check out MJs site

February 8, 2007
5:55 pm
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mj
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🙂 Howdy ladies! I am smiling at you both. TT, I am so happy that you are in those 17 childrens life to give them 6 hours of loving care. Teachers like you that care make our world a better place.

February 9, 2007
10:13 am
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TT,

Sometimes in Detroit I would feel like a negative parent or brother...etc. would undo everything I said.

a 5 year old telling me how they said I didn't really care and would go back to Ca and forget about them.

I sent a card or something, but I felt like it was going into an abyss and never knew if it was received.

February 9, 2007
6:01 pm
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yeah that's the way it feels sometimes.

I am really stressed this year about getting a good score on the state test. I feel like my job is on the line.
I became a teacher because I assumed that it didn't have stress like that.

I am seriously thinking of running back to the ivory tower of university teaching--well there it's publish or perish. Oh well. Maybe I ought to go teach at some suburban school that has students that live in fancy houses.
Sorry about the complaints. I am just tired of working and not getting much respect for it.

February 11, 2007
10:47 am
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I hate this time of year when we have the big state testing. We get the new training in our 'spare'time to be better teachers, we work extra hours we follow all the guidelines but it comes down to how kids do on two or three days of testing. adn then our jobs, our salary and everything else is on the line. It sucks it reallly does. I can't even realax on weekends anymore.

February 11, 2007
6:25 pm
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It is not right to dread my job this much.

February 11, 2007
9:20 pm
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scyllamessina
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If you always dread your job, then it means you should think about maybe finding another field to be in. If it is just certain times you dread your job, like during these tests, then maybe you can find a way to look forward to the less crappy times. Life is too short to stay in a job that makes you miserable.

February 11, 2007
11:14 pm
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mj
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Does being judged and criticised remind you of another unpleasant time in life?

February 12, 2007
10:17 am
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TT, Sorry that you are dreading your job to the point that you are taking your job home with you.

I mean...I would beat yourself up over taking an easier job...I mean who doesn't want a job that is easy and fun and less stress. I'm raising my hand! me me me. Forget torturing yourself...yuck. I think that with your depression and your husband trouble...I mean why have job troubles too...when their is an easier way...it doesn't have to be suffering to be good.

Have you watched "The Secret" or read the book?

Maybe you can attract something that makes you happier and at peace.

http://www.thesecret.tv/

Or you can order it on Amazon...it has good reviews.

February 12, 2007
4:21 pm
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Wow good advise. I guess I stay in teaching because i don't know anything else. But you are right. Maybe I should consider I different school. Maybe I am not cut out for innner city or I need a break from it.

It just that I have fear of failure and if my kids fail.....well, that means I've failed according to the the NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND law.
Still in 3 weeks the testing will be over for better or for worse and we can look forward to our field trips and such.

February 12, 2007
4:21 pm
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AG,
The secret?????? What is it about??? or is it a secret?

February 12, 2007
11:36 pm
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Anonymous
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about the law of attraction

February 13, 2007
4:54 pm
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sounds good I'll look it up.

I am so tired of being depressed. I look at how good my life is and tell myself I need to get busy and be content with things but I just can't seem too.

My therapist is having me practice positive thoughts. that's hard work.

thanks everyone for your thoughts. I look forward everyday to the time I spend on this site.

February 13, 2007
5:39 pm
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tooscared
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I'm sorry that you are depressed with all the pressures of your teaching job Tiger Trainer. I am teaching in a private preschool right now and debating about whether or not I ever want to go back to public school teaching. There are so many pressures regarding the state testing and No Child Left Behind program. Have you ever considered teaching in a private school? Best wishes for you as I know some of the pressure and depression you are facing. There is also a lot of pressure in just dealing with how the kids treat each other in the classroom and dealing with more discipline than teaching.

You are in my thoughts and prayers as it sounds like you are getting a little burned out in what you are doing.

Love, TS

February 13, 2007
7:01 pm
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oooh TS that you have hit every nail on the head. I am actually considering moving to a different school. I am teaching in an inner city school right now because I feel like they need good teachers. However I don't produce results that the state wants right now because I insist on teaching the whole child and not just boosting numbers. maybe a private school is the way to go.
I used to teach at the university of alabama and I enjoyed it but I wanted students to I could connect with, that I saw every day for 180 days.

burned out. yes that's what it is all right. It might be time to change to a less stressful place.

February 13, 2007
8:11 pm
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tooscared
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I think you sound like an excellent teacher Tiger Trainer. Any school would be lucky to have you! You can at least start looking into the possiblities for next school year and see what happens. Best wishes.

February 14, 2007
9:25 am
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TT,

If those public schools want cool teachers like you they ought to change the laws to let them in.

No Child Left Behind? what they blame you if the kid won't do anything for themselves?

I mean what can you do if a kid refuses....I mean once again someone thinks you own the remote control to the kids again. Give me a break! Just like I don't have control on my sons vocal cords when he is on the bus...you don't control whether a kid will try to do his/hers assignments and learn something.

You aren't there to force or coerce them. You are there to teach them....but really they have to do the learning.

You can't "learn" them something. lol 🙂

February 14, 2007
5:53 pm
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exactly the law is NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND and promotes the idea that teacher have to be highly quailified and use data based methods of teaching. That is excellent actually. Unfortunately the way the rate the teachers and thes schools is how the children do on a test given in March that one test determines if they pass or fail and if what grade (A,B,C D or F) the school is given. we were a d school two years runnign which means that we have gov't official breathing down our necks and our jobs are on the line if we don't improve.

the people who make the law don't deal with children on a day to day basis. I have one child who is not motivated to work. I spend alot of nergy everyday just getting him to be quiet so that others can learn.

anyway. when the list comes out I will be looking for another school. It won't hurt to look.

thanks for the advice everyone.
YOuare some of my best friends and great for me ego.

February 15, 2007
8:47 am
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yes TT,

🙂 Think of what YOU really want and You really deserve.

I mean if you can't take care of yourself because the pressure is too high and you are too depressed...this must mean your needs aren't getting met.

I mean the rest of your life seems complicated enough without your job being complicated and something that brings you down with stress.

If you are going to do it for the long haul with C then you might as well find some other satisfying areas in your life where you know you are happy abnd successful. I mean I think having a relationship with someone with mental illness is pretty straining.

I mean you are a HSP too right....let's not make it too hard on you!!! 🙂

I am so glad to have friends like you guys too. 🙂

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