Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
depressed: why am I?
January 26, 2007
9:46 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

TT,

I love hearing your story. You are too cute about the ego thing! 🙂

It really is important to me to hear about the things you do because you are like my mormon codep' buddy and I think if she can do it, I can do it...or at least try.

2 weeks of being on xanax....I just don't know if you or people realize how brave you are....I mean that is a lot of anxiety to face and paper-bag it through.

You know...deep breathes in the paper bag? 🙂

Thank you for praying for me...I think it helps.

January 27, 2007
7:47 am
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yeah paper bag. I also have this good thought/bad thought routine my theerapist taught me.

I feel like we are really friends too.

I am glad you thought I was cute with the ego thng but seriously. YOu are the only one who realized what it took to show up that night and I feel like finally someone understands how brave I have to be.

I am going to the temple today. You inspired me to do that. so give your own ego a boost for helping a fellow sister do what is right.

January 27, 2007
9:19 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

TT,

I hope you had fun...that sounds funny...at the temple. Or how about a spiritually uplifting experience? 🙂

I guess I do have fun because there are all these cute happy, smiling...mostly older ladies there and I am so impressed to see the parking lot with so many cars filling it...when sometimes I feel like the only one in the world with my feelings and wanting spiritual relief from the world.

I guess I am not the only one, but sometimes I feel that way living with some one who is so opposed, but still shows up to church.

You don't just "show up" to the temple unless you are really committed and really believe. Why bother?

Ya know...it is nice to know that we can inspire each other. 🙂 And thank you for the compliment , BTW!

TT,

Will you tell me more about your good thought bad though thing?

I said in another post that I read about detachment. Have you read about that in CNM?

Is that how you deal with C?

...you know...so you aren't codependent and driving yourself crazy?

I am trying to figure out what that means to me.

January 28, 2007
9:07 am
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

AG,
When I have a big problem I imagine the worst case scenario to prepare myself. That is all well and good but then I keep replaying over and over again until I am in hysterics with tics all over my body My therpiast made a relaxation tape for me. Part of it is to picture a stop sign when the thoughts start. Then everytime I drive and I come to real stop sign I am supposed to picture my self stopping those thoughts. Then I replace it with something else. Most people picture a peaceful scene like the beach or the mountains. Those don't work for me. I remember fun times I have had with my brothers. ( I am very blessed to have brothers who love me and carr for me even though they have families and live far away)
Anyway the thought things works for me.
I did have fun at the temple. I was asked to be escort for a tiny little nervous old lady and that was fun.
the matron in our session had to use a cane only it was covered with bright purple flowers. I had agreat time.
I felt peace but I didn't get any answers. Sometimes that haappens.

January 28, 2007
9:28 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

TT,

That is so funny because my son has been obsessed with stops signs when we are driving. He would definitely help me see every stop sign around and I would be picturing a lot of cool mountain streams or maybe the botanical gardens or whatever peaceful thing I come up with.

Anyway, I totally miss my son. My cell phone was in my pocket of my jacket which I had put away during work so...my husband got the call from my inlaws first.

So he agreed to them taking him for another night...:(

Now he is going to smell like their moldy house when I get to church and see him...maybe I can go pick him up now. g2g

January 28, 2007
9:42 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

TT,

Way to communicate.

He is actually in a town three hours from here playing with his cousins instead.

OK...thanks husband for letting me know.

Next time I will call and double check.

I guess I will see him around 5 o'clock. Okie dokie.

Cool mountain stream...stop sign...umm switch the order...umm...feeling like I don't know how to be by myself and think about my problems....it is so much easier to think about other people and their problems.

But doing that only makes me miserable and codependent...especially with T.

January 28, 2007
7:02 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey AG,
That's cute about your son and stop signs. It takes a lot of practice and it only works when start obsessing about aproblem. It doesn't really help me go about solving the probelm....

Especially like the ones you have. didn't even tell you where your son was? I hope you get him soon.

How has the art class gone?

January 30, 2007
11:00 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I just wanted to stop in for a hug from me to you...(((TT))).

Thanks you for being there for me! 🙂

January 30, 2007
5:29 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thanks for the hug. I am in a huge depression over something that happened at work and i am too depressed to talk aabout, too depressed to think about I just want to sit in a corner and howl. I can't see my therapist until Friday.
I was humilated by a little thing my principal said and I can't get it out of my mind. So I am hiding in bed with chocolate.
thanks for the hug.

January 31, 2007
11:02 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

TT,

Looks like you could use a warm blanket of acceptance and self love too...I gave one to mj on "What my world needs now..." 😉

Maybe I'll give one to myself too!

I know...I haven't wanted to talk much too about my situation....usually I go on and on, but right now I want to stare at a blank wall...a corner and chocolate seem nice too.

Hey Friday is my therapy day too. 🙂

I don't know if I'll get in because I didn't call early enough...but that is usually when I go in.

I am sorry you are hurting and it isn't quite ready to come out yet. Maybe some howling will help to get past the depressed feeling so later you will have the ability to talk it out.

OK...I should start working on my painting and sculpting instead of dwelling on my husband being done with me....what if it is just a mind game? what if he is just trying to get back at me?

what if it isn't? Then it is for real...there I said it.

January 31, 2007
4:28 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

am warm blanket is just what I need. I dont' know why I am so sensitive and ashamed of a little constructive criticism but I am. My husband for all his problems has been great. He can't be very supportive but he tries.

I am glad you understand how it feels to want to hide in the corner and howl.
Hopefully my therapist can get the thoughts out of my head. they just stay there getting bigger and bigger. My stop sign isn't working.

January 31, 2007
9:56 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know you said you can't talk about it yet, but maybe you get out the crayons and color it out.

Maybe your reaction isn't in the verbal part of your brain.

Think about this problem, grab some paper from your printer and color a couple sheets. Use your right hand for a couple and then your left hand...

...Whoa cod'

Ok so you didn't ask for my help or advice...I'm working on it. 🙂

February 1, 2007
4:29 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

color? what should I color? just color?
I colored red black and yellow. What does that mean?

February 2, 2007
10:59 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I took a mental health day today and feel better for it. Actually I had to see the dr anyway about my asthms. it's bad again. I am feeling better about life now too.. I hope that someday Ican take cricticism without getting depressed for 3 days.

February 3, 2007
11:37 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I can so relate to criticism destroying me. I am so critical of myself that when I hear it from others I find myself increasing the negative self talk. I am learning alot from the book Healing the Shame that Binds you by John Bradshaw. It is helping me to see that as a child I was shamed repeatedly by my unhealthy parents. I was taught that I had to be perfect and not make mistakes. I was to be seen and not heard. My feelings weren't safe to feel. I have suffered from depression most of my life. I haven't had a depressed episode for over 2 years now. Learning to say positive affirmations in the mirror or just replacing negative self talk is so beneficial. We learned this behavior so it is unlearnable. I am glad you were able to take time off yesterday and that your feeling better today.

February 3, 2007
7:43 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks mj. Iam going to look up that book. I too had a childhood where I had to be perfect but always knew I would never be because I was not born a boy. I constantly compare myself to other teachers and tell myeself why I am not as good as they are.
Don't get me wrong I was never realaly abused but there was always the unspoken feeling that I was not a boy and I was responsible for the things my irresponsible older brother did. ( I have four brothers) the irresponsible one is a year older than I am.
I am going to be more positive to myself but it is so hard.

February 4, 2007
11:06 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am thinking about how it would feel to not be able to change if you were only loved for your male/femaleness? Many cultures cherished men over women. If you really think about it, its really sad. Farmers loved to have boys to help with the chores.

So you are the only girl in a family of four brothers? I dated a guy once whose sister was a very intelligent and sassy women because she had to put up with all their teasing and rough housing.

Are you glad you are a Women? Do you feel like you are an equal to anyone? I remember in HS all our friends would get together and some of our males friends would argue that the male sex was superior. I use to get so infuriated with that. I know with 100 percent certainty that we are all created equally. Your religion feeds on the principle that only men can hold the priesthood and they are the head of the family from my understanding. I hope that you recognize that you are worthwhile, important, and an equal to any human being be it your school administrator, co-teacher, husband, or friend. Being a Woman is Wonderful. I am glad that I am a woman.

How were you blamed for your brothers' irresponsibility and by whom?

February 5, 2007
5:24 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Don't get me wrong I had a great childhood it's just that my brothers would get boy scout awards and stuff for going to church or serving others I would do that stuff too but get nothing. My mother would always talk about how wonderful it was to raise young men for the church and how talented they were and how she wants them to sing at her funeral. "Where will i be?" I asked her once when I was teen ager. "in the back watching the babies of course" was her answer.

don't get me wrong. I love babies. but I love the spotlight too.

Yes I am happy to be a woman. I feel than woman have very special abilties (not just the giving birth) that help us to be loving caring people.

don't get me wrong about my mom either. She has often told me that I am her favorite traveling companion and since my father died she and I have become very close.

it's just that I have a hard time taking criticism becuase sometimes i was crtiticized for things I had no control over. Like when my older brother took the car without my parents knowing. or not being good at math and stuff like that.

wow mj,
you asked a simple question and got a very long answer. How wonderful it is to just lay my feelings out there and know that I won't be judged or criicized for them.

February 5, 2007
5:39 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It helps to be able to express our feelings here and not be judged!!!!

I am glad you can do that!

Being raised in the same religion, I can sooo relate.

February 5, 2007
7:21 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

TT,

Hee hee! That always happens to me when mj asks me a question too!

I will have to look up what the colors mean again...I know red has to do with anger, yellow has to do with not being able to digest life, and black has to do with old negative emotions...even so old that they come from a past generation...like when you deal with the negative emotions of a parent and take them on.

Man, I want to wack your mom in the head for saying that....like your only value is that of a babysitter...child-bearer person. Sorry, you don't get to sing at my funeral because you were born a chick.

My bishop right now and your mom would probably be friends. That passive holly-jolly talk like won't that be such a blessing for you to caretake and try harder and let others kick back, rest, and have happiness instead of you.

February 5, 2007
8:09 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

well I 've noticed they've changed the Mormon young woman program so they get recognition too.
Please don't think bad of my mom either. She loved me but it has always been obvious that the boys were something special to her. In all fairness I was my daddy's girl and was treated special by him too.

mj,
you ask such thoughtful question that it brings up thoughtful answers.

February 5, 2007
8:13 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

AG.
well those colors hit the nail on the head, anger, not being able to deal with life (criticism now) and old negative emotions (not being quite good enough) yep that's how I felt last week. I think the red is gone and I am just black right now.

Ya'll dont' know how good it is for me to let loose like this.

I have a friend whose husband verbally and emotionally abused her for years. He was a pillar of the church. Finally after about 15 years the church leaders realized that he was not a good father or husband and started to speak to him about it. At that ppoint he left her with mean words a low self esteem. She has been divorced from him for about 8 years now and is finally coming into herself. Bishops can give good counsel but in the end it is your decision.

February 5, 2007
8:29 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for the compliment 🙂

February 5, 2007
11:17 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have a question for all of you.

What does it mean to you "Honor thy Mother and thy Father"? Is this like unconditional love and acceptance no matter what?

February 6, 2007
7:52 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mmm good question. I think honor is something different than thinking they are perfect and do nothing wrong. It also means honor people who behave like mothers and fathers. I have read some stories on this site and I feel like there is no reason to honor these people as mother or fathers.

My parents were pretty terrific but human people. I love them and honor them but I realize they were not perfect.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
27
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111062
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38622
Posts: 714414
Newest Members:
sharoongreene, edenjames666, Sebastian Payne, Tia Phillips, NancySparks, Seapristes
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information