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Depressed
April 15, 2016
1:01 am
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RRR1584
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April 15, 2016
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I am a 31 old female and in utter depression. I have been married for the past 9 years and had serious compatibility issues with my husband ever since 6 months of our marriage passed. We got separated mutually in November 2015. We do not stay together whereas we still maintain cordial relations with each other. However, I do not feel or find any scope of us staying together in future.

The actual problem started in2013. We had a very close family friend who used to come to our house and vice versa since 2009- 10. In 2012, suddenly his wife told him she does not want us to go to their place and he followed her instructions. But ever since, his visits to our place increased and he used to continuously speak bad of her that she is anti social etc. We also did not intervene much. In 2012, his wife had left the house and gone with her kid to her mom’s place. This friend of ours (Lets nickname him G) had told us that she suspected him of having an extra marital affair with his office mate, however there was nothing like that. We were outsiders so did not intervene much. Me and my husband had frequent fights also domestic violence sometimes. One day I got very upset and I called G for help. I asked him if I could find some accommodation somewhere. He had an idea that things were not going good in our marriage. Me and my husband did not have any relationship from the last 8 years and G knew that.

Gradually, G started messaging me more and more on watsapp. One day he finally asked me that my wife is not good in any way and I am not happy with her…same in your case. Can we both not give solace to each other? I did not even think and said yes. I never had any boyfriend even in my college days and mentally and emotionally I was so shattered that I wanted someone to be there for me. G was taking a lot of care of me during those days. We became the best of friends and he shared many things with me. One day I suddenly got news that his wife is pregnant. I was shocked. I called and fired him for lying to me. He said the child is unexpected etc. However, later on, when I probed his wife, she told me that the child was well planned by both of them. Still I thought that maybe she is lying.

G was going through some turbulent times in his professional life. Many a times he used to come to me late night when my husband was not there…. He used to drink with me and share his problems with me. Also he maintained physical intimacy with me. I used to be very happy in his company and vice versa. During such conversations, he always mentioned that office colleague’s name and told me that she is a very very important person in his life after his mother. But only as a friend. And now I was the third important person in his life. I was ok as far as he was telling me the truth.

One day I was very upset and G came to meet me after office. We drove to a place and halted where his office colleague saw us together . As soon as she saw him, she called him and he disconnected her call. Later on, when they both might have conversed and she asked him who is with you?? He lied and said “NO ONE”. Immediately G called me and told this to which I said “ Why did you lie to her?” to which he answered for security reasons.

The office lady got furious and I became doubtful . She used to call him very often and I got even more doubtful as to why is this happening. G used to behave mad when her call came. He did not even bother who is doing what so much so those calls were important to him.

One day that office lady called her in the night at around 10.30 pm and I was with G only with my husband. G’s wife had gone to her mom’s place. By G’s body language I realized that it is his dame’s call. I asked him in message whether it was her call to which he denied. I had the dame’s number and asked her too (she knew we are good friends) to which she also denied. But my gut instincts were saying that both are lying. ON 11th November 2015, after 6 days of my separation G and I fought like anything. He threw things, shouted , screamed saying it was not her call and said very hurting things to me. I was shattered but somewhere I knew it was her call. I traced his mobile bills and found that it was her call only. Though I did not tell him. Ever since then, he stopped communicating with me. No calls no messages etc. As it is after he made relationship with me, his way of talking had changed. When I used to ask him, why don’t you talk to me, he would say he is busy and has no time. However, when I traced his mobile bills again, I found that every alternate day he and that dame were talking for 30- 40 minutes. Even at night, he would message her.

Through some sources, I found his and that dame’s conversation in which they had shared very vulgar conversation of kissing, hugging and what not.

I felt my gut instinct is right. He was cheating on me. I told him I am going to tell you dame everything now and even your wife what all you have done. I came to you only realizing that like me you also have been ill treated in your marriage. But you are cheating on both innocent ladies… Especially that office colleague had been with him since 12 years. Then G told me yes he lied to me because his office dame was thinking we are into a relationship and she would harm her if got angry. He said he is not emotionally connected to me.

I still feel I am cheated. On the contrary, G says I have threatened and blackmailed him. I told her it was done to get the truth out. Before that also, I tried a lot to speak with him but he would avoid me. When his wife had got pregnant, he would tell me I pray this child dies. And now he says this child is my priority. Now he says I am happy in my married life. But I am totally broken and Shocked. I have myself broken all ties with him but When I remember old times, I can’t help crying.

What should I do? All the time, I feel the guilt that I went to the wrong way. I loved him so much but he cheated me tooo… I also feel bad because I am not the kind of a person who would threaten or blackmail. I am dejected. Will he come back and atleast realize his mistake ever? I don’t want him back but atleast he should apologize.

April 27, 2016
4:01 am
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onedaythiswillpass
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I am totally surprised that Sketchie has not yet responded to your post. Sketchie is the greatest helper on this site and you should wait to get his or her advice.

August 27, 2016
12:00 am
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ellawhisnant
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I Completely agree. Sketchie is a great helper you should wait for his advice.

September 29, 2016
4:48 am
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ShiningLight
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You have too much worries in your life and it's not good for you and your family. Consult a counselor or therapist for your severe depression.

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