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denial
January 9, 2000
7:50 pm
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mnms
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I've got some questions for those of you who have been abused, like me...
Do you ever go through stages of denial?
I seem to and was just wondering if I was the only one. As time goes by I seem to have more moments when I really DO believe that I was abused and I admit it to myself, but sometimes I still deny it, no matter how much evidence there is. Just wondering.

mnms

January 9, 2000
11:46 pm
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hsuzie
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I understand what you are saying and for me it is not a matter of actually denying the abuse happened, rather minimizing it... Saying to myself.. "well it wasn't THAT bad".. or "there are so many others far worse off than me"...but unfortunately there is no denying its impact on our lives.. and however our conscious minds try to cope, our unconscious always has to stick its two cents worth in.. And it dose seem to go in stages... before i started the healing process i didnt even realize that what happened to me wasn't how life was.. or for me, anyway... i didnt know i had the right to heal.. then i did, started the healing process, and less and less i minimize.. and more and more i allow myself to feel the pain.. and with that, the mourning, for what has happened to that child...

I hope i havent taken too much time.. I wish you well, and know you are not alone... hsuzie

January 10, 2000
5:47 pm
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kec
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I think to some degree we all want to deny what has happened. There was years I tried to bury all the hurt, pain and dissapointment in my life, Finally I admit how I feel and my dr want to put those feelingin a box and work on today, because he does not think I can handel the truth.
kec

January 11, 2000
7:42 pm
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mnms
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kec:

well, i dunno... for me i could not work on today until I had accepted the past. maybe for you it is different. do you think you can handle the truth, kec?

January 12, 2000
11:24 pm
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kec
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mnms
I really don't know if I can or not for many years I turned to drinking, drugs and sex to escape my world this is the first time in a long time I am just me. I take prescribed drugs but nothing else, I was doing good until I found out my daughter was sexually abused while at my ex-husbands home by his brother. I lost it then and I still have really hard days. I didn't work for three years because I could not face people, I had really violent thoughts and cried most of the time My husband said if I didn't get help he could not stay any longer which was one of the best things that ever happened to me. At least I can function some of the time.
kec

January 14, 2000
5:51 pm
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mnms
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kec:
That's hard. Maybe a lot of us handle the truth in different ways. When I finally started to come to term with who my family really was, instead of what my fantasy of them was, I handled it by becoming very withdrawn and depressed, and tried to kill myself. Over time I learned to handle the truth in more healthy ways and I am still learning. Perhaps it just takes time and hard work. Good luck for you.

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