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Denial...what is it? Any Denier's out there?
January 11, 2009
8:26 am
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Bella1969
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Thanks ZoeBee!

This is perfectly timed: I am having a conversation with my spouse today in which we have agreed to "full disclosure" to determine whether this relationship is worth working on, or if we should continue with divorce proceedings.

I plan to use your 9 questions to help keep the conversation on track--what an excellent framework for this dialogue!

January 11, 2009
9:49 am
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A dear teacher of mine many years ago quoted this as a way of breaking free from denial,

"If I always do what I have always done, I'll always get what I always got"

January 11, 2009
1:25 pm
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_anonymous
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Zoe Bee- That has been my hugest obstacle. Getting to the point where I could admit that there was a problem that I had no control over my husband and getting off my but and getting help for myself.

Anyone here including myself who is in an abusive, addictive, relationship is in denial. Anyone who stays in one is in denial.

I am in the transition phase. i am physically away from my abuser but mentally a huge piece of me is there.

I need to get the strength to EXTRICATE. My mind 100%.

Any good mantras?

January 11, 2009
3:42 pm
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Thanks so much Zoebee,

To my mind, and where I am at, is truely letting go and would/willingly embrace aloneness instead of pain and suffering. I believe I deserve better yet all choices have a price?

What I gotta do is step away from forgiveness and hold the person responsible for their choices and its effect on me.

Perhaps we keep on repeating the pattern hoping for a different outcome unti or when we finally get it right.

E xploring new choices
N ever giving up
O openess and observant
U nderstanding
G rowing
H ealthy

January 11, 2009
6:40 pm
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_anonymous
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zoe- Yes enough is enough is enough is enough. Living in peace and serenity is like WOW. I never knew life could be this way. I reorganized my life and restored it back to where it used to be. And being there for my kids. No drama. Yes I miss some of the physical stuff with my STBX and I but I love what I have more that that.

So true that if we get better we can be a role model for them as well. I think it will help all involved.

January 11, 2009
6:42 pm
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_anonymous
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I love this site so much I gave a donation to it last month. I need to give again. There is a button up on the upper right hand corner of this site with a story about how this site got started. I thought you guys might be interested.

January 13, 2009
11:14 pm
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Why am I feeling excited and alive when I heard from his sister today/tonight that he is told her he is seeing me tomorrow.

That's news to me!

I will not see him tomorrow for it is also my choice. He has unfortunately proven himself to not tell the truth at his whim. I do not trust liars and people who make excuses for their hurtful behaviour.

Glad you are here and I can express myself. Thanks

January 14, 2009
9:00 am
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CAMER
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hi Zoe...wow, this hits the spot!!
"Disables me Energy lost Negates growth Isolates me Alinates me Lengthens my pain"....seeing each letter for the word denial and it makes sense.".........and I know I am in denial, and I have to make changes or nothing will change.

And as Little said "Perhaps we keep on repeating the pattern hoping for a different outcome unti or when we finally get it right"....so true.

And Destiny so proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone and going at this alone. You have come so far, and you too Zoe!!

I just feel sad when i read this cuz i feel so much in denial, so much...and feel like I can't get out when I know I should. I don't want to be on the pity potty, I want to do the right thing and I know what the right thing is. I guess, i will have to do this at a "one step at an hours pace". And deep down, i do know
the outcome, someday, I will get this denial thing sunk in and be free!

(((camer)))

January 14, 2009
2:43 pm
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_anonymous
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zoebee- thank you for the cyber love.

January 15, 2009
8:04 am
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CAMER
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awwww Zoe, see things will go good, you do have plans, yes, you may tt your hubby, and its just talk....doesn't mean anything will change, but talking is ok.

I am glad to see you with your grandchildren, that must me fun, playing with them, seeing their smiling faces.

and even better that you have a ladies conference on both Friday and Saturday....that is great, more power to you.

Take each day, "one day at a time" and from the looks of it, you are making each day the best as you can and still smiling.

much love, Camer

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