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DECISIONS I MUST MAKE....
March 14, 2006
8:48 pm
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serenitysam
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I need to go home but no longer have a computer there and was hoping someone had written on my situation some more to give me food for thought. I'll wait a few more minutes.

March 14, 2006
9:32 pm
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free2choose
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Sam, YOu still here???

March 14, 2006
9:33 pm
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free2choose
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I'm gonna reply as if you are

March 14, 2006
9:42 pm
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free2choose
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I understand that it is hard to be caught between your son and your husband. That is the role my mom played for so long, and I have seen what it does to her. My dad and I are like two of the same people, both with huge tempers and egos and alot of old history and anger.

And I understand how it must be hard for you to see the younger children so upset about thier father leaving. Not to mention your own fears of being alone, abandoned, the failure thing... You have alot to deal with, alot of emotions surfacing. I know it feels shitty, but it is normal for the situation you are in.

I know you want to call him, tell him come home, smooth it all over. Make it all better. But that's not gonna make it better Sam. You'll still all be in the same place!! You are just gonna have to deal with the uncomfort, the fear, the lonliness. Try to reach out, to get as much help as possible...friends, relatives that you can talk to.

You asked about the chances of you working it out. I believe that there is a certain point you get to in a relationship where the damage is too great to ever repair. But that is a real personal decision for you both to make. You may have reached that point, you may have not! But Sam, the truth is, relationship fixing, building, and maintaing takes a HUGE amount of work that BOTH people have to be willing to do!!!

We have already established that he likes things the way they are. He dosent want to give, doesn't want to change. To work it out he has to be willing to do those things, or you have to be willing to stay where you are, being misused and in chaos. I hope that is not a sacrifice you are willing to make.

March 14, 2006
9:48 pm
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free2choose
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I think you need to really be firm in your boundaries. Let him know that unless he is willing to work and change he can not come home. ACTUALLY, he has to stay gone, and you can "Date". Get counceling. Make him work for it, even before he is allowed back in your home. At this point, if it was up to me, he would have to prove himself and his will and sincerety BEFORE being allowed to come home. I would have to see SERIOUS progress, SERIOUS will, SERIOUS effort!!!

You have a choice, and you hold all the cards. He can either work to EARN you back, or stay gone. And if the later is his choice, or yours, WELL YOU CAN MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN!!!

Life will not stop with out him. It may feel like it for awile. It will hurt. But you are strong and you can do it!!!

Take care Sam, be strong, hold your ground!! You DESERVE it, YOU are WORTH love, respect, and dignity!!!

Erica

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