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Death of Brother/Controlling Mother
November 16, 2006
9:01 pm
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mononad
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I just returned from a memorial service for my brother who was just 16 months younger than me. My mother used the occasion to try and assert control over the family. She also made it clear that she believes that my brother's death affected her much more than it did anyone else. I am 52 years old and have avoided my mother as much as possible since I was a teenager. Still, she has interfered with my life and my children's lives. I always looked forward to the day in my old age when she would no longer be around and I could enjoy my old age in peace. After being diagnosed with cancer in June, I realize that she just might outlive me. So, I sent her a letter telling her that I would not be visiting her for the holidays due to her controlling behaviour. What a relief!

November 16, 2006
9:04 pm
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armyleo
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I'm sorry, your pain must be hard.

(((mononad))))

November 16, 2006
9:06 pm
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Rasputin
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Please accept my heartiest condolances (((MONO))))

November 16, 2006
10:00 pm
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needtoheal
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(((My sympathies)))

November 17, 2006
10:30 am
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lovetocrochet
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(((((mononad)))))

So sorry for your loss.

I totally understand what you're saying about your mother and making it all about her, including during times of grief and loss.

You have to do what you have to do when you're ill and when spending time with your own family is more important than playing a role in someone else's chronic drama. Even if the chance is remote it would be nice if your letter got your mother to think about reaching out and supporting you in your own time of difficulty.

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