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Dealing with the loss of my sister.
October 23, 2006
1:16 am
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tinkrbell
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Hey you guys.

I posted not to long ago about how I was dealing with my sister dying of liver cancer. Well, the pain is over for her but it feels like it has just begun for me. I watched her waste away for 17 months and I made sure that while she was still herself I said all I needed to say. It's just that I miss her so much and I just get filled with so much grief I don't know what to do except cry all the time. Everything and everyone around me reminds me of her. I know she knows how heavy my heart is because I feel her with me. I wasn't with her when she died but I felt her go. I'm just having a hard time right now dealing with it and O guess I could use some words of encouragement from you guys. Thanks for listening.

tink

October 23, 2006
2:44 am
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doubleloss
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oh tinker. so deeply sorry about your loss. i think i would die if any of my sisters died.

when my mom died i though i was going to die to, life was without a point. it took me years to get over the grief, the pain, the anger. i got angry at God for a few years. but with time i started to heal. 18 years later i still miss her soooooo much. I have a big hole in my heart, but the hole is healed, it's no longer bleeding, it scared nicely, but it is a hole that nothing or no one is ever going to feel. About 5 years ago i realized that that hole was now part of me, just as my eyes or my soul.

i try to live my life fully, because i know my mom wouldn't want anything else for me, but at the beginning the days when i felt better i felt so guilty for feeling happy, or excited about going/doing/enjoying things. That was a hard one to deal with. But again, with time, i understood that my mom would have never ever wanted for me to not enjoy myself.

it's a process and there is no right or wrong lenght of time, whatever it takes that's what is right for you.

you are so lucky to feel your sister, be sure that she is there with you and i'm sure she would like you to be happy, but she's there comforting you now. hugs double

October 23, 2006
3:15 am
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(((tinkrbell))),

I lost my beautiful sister to ovarian cancer almost exactly 6 years ago (Oct. 18 was the day she died). I feel for your loss and send a sympathetic hug to you. I am glad you feel her spirit with you. I wish you peace and comfort... meanwhile, cry a river if you need to.

sympathetically yours, kroika

October 23, 2006
6:41 am
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cammyjo
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Hi Tink

I have 1 sister, and she is my most favorite person in the whole world. I am so sorry for your loss, and can only imagine the pain you must be experiencing. It's certainly okay to cry, as much as you need to. You can't rush through this.

Even now as I am writing this, I am thinking about how would I deal with the loss, I don't know, as I feel she is the only person on this planet that really knows who I am, and understands me, and truly loves me.

Again, I want to say how sorry I am for your loss, and want to give you a hug.

I will pray for you, Hugs, CJ

October 23, 2006
7:03 am
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cyndra820
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(((((Tinker)))))

I'm so sorry about the loss of your sister. Right now nothing will comfort you. The things that remind you of her that hurt right now, but it won't always. You'll remember doing something with her and it will bring a smile through your tears.

She is with you. You will always have her in your heart. From what you wrote I know you loved her and she loved you.

Regards,
Cyndra

October 23, 2006
7:39 am
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Devon
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My most sincere condolences to you, Tinkerbell.... This is not an easy road to travel. It will take some time. Sisters are special. D

October 23, 2006
9:46 am
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StronginHim77
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I lost my only sister to Multiple Sclerosis 10 years ago. She was the closest person to me in the world. Now that she is gone, my family has nothing more to do with me. (She was my only "link." My mother is a narcissist.)

Remember that love does not end, simply because the one who loves us is on the other side of the "veil." And remember that the parting is TEMPORARY. Hard on us who are left behind, but we have that sweet hope of reunion. You WILL see, hug and be with your beloved sister again. My heart goes out to you. The Season of Mourning is so hard for all of us. You have suffered a terrible loss. May God comfort you during this difficult time of parting and sorrow.

- Strong

October 23, 2006
11:32 am
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One of our sons' closest friends died in an accident 6 yrs ago. He and his younger brother B spent a lot of their growing yrs in our house and vice versa.

We grieved with the family. I told B that I missed my own Dad and because we were accustomed to phone calls, I would wish sometimes I could just call him up quick for my "luv you" fix, but no longer had a phone number. B started to laugh and asked me if I wanted a phone number for his brother.....huh?? I didn't understand. His cell phone had not yet been terminated. We could call and hear his voice. It was soooo comforting for a few days.

I know how hard it is to wake up every day with that deep deep sorrow. We went to too many funerals in one year I could not GO any more!

I think it is really OK to talk about her. To anyone who is caring. A counselor, a pastor, other family who also loved her and care about you. It's important to let yourself feel your pain until it lessens. This is your time. And it WILL get better.

Some things I've seen people do: they created a special little place in the back yard with a tree planted and a small stone with a favorite verse. There were fresh flowers almost daily at the gravesite, so there was a comforting closeness for some to go there regularly. One man had small children -- their school artwork often hung from the tree above his grave. One created an awesome photo album. Some people create charities and take up causes in honor of their loved one. I think people cope in a lot of different ways and getting active like this can be comforting and therapeutic. Actually volunteering at a medical facility in some capacity is another thing I've seen.

My firend who lost her twin had many many dreams when her sister would come and talk to her. It was a looong time before she said she was able one day to tell this "presence" that she truly was OK now and she could stop coming. She said, as a twin, her sister's death marked so many "first times" for her -- they were so close in their thinking, it felt like she'd lost half of herself. That's when she began to take note of how many months, and then years, it was since her sister died. She started to tell herself that this "New Me", the emerging Me without my twin, was now 2 years old. And so on. She had to re-learn and adjust to who she was.

We each cope as well as we can. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, but I understand that sort of thing should be on the liberation brew side. So I hope some of what I've set out here might be of some comfort and support.

October 23, 2006
1:04 pm
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bel
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Dear Tinker,
I am so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine what you are going through. I have four sisters and I would have a very hard time if any of them or my brother would pass away. I know we all have to go sometime but it is hard letting go or accepting that they are not around anymore.

I will keep you in my prayers and hope you can feel better soon. You do have your memories and IM so glad you were able to be there for her when she needed you.

Take Care
Bel

October 24, 2006
11:54 pm
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OnceWounded
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(((((Tinkrbell))))) May I suggest a website?

http://www.groww.com

It deals with death, it has chat rooms, message boards and much more. It is supportive and has been helpful to people I know.

October 25, 2006
1:25 am
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Travlin_lite
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tinkrbell,
Tears are for healing, cry as many as you need. I had a girlfriend that was my very best that died with lung cancer that spread in '98 I still have moments of grief for she was like a sister to me the closest I have ever been with a friend. I still talk to her when things get down and out and I think that is what is so good to know that there is a life after life and she is watching over me. Like you I felt the moment she left. Tears still come now and then but smiles do like they said little things we did together I just hated like you that she had to suffer for so long before leaving. She is the star that twinkles in the sky, the breeze that touches your face, whisper her name and she will come to be with you again.
In Sympathy Anita

October 26, 2006
4:38 am
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tinkrbell
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I would like to thank all of you for the prayers and hugs. It has been a difficult week for us all and I know it will just take time to heal.

I have let myself grieve when I felt I neede to. I went to her grave today with my youngest child who is 2 and she had a hard time understanding that Aunt Julie was there but she couldn't see her. She was confused so I just told her that she was in heaven and that she was there in her heart. She heard me tell her I missed her and she said I miss her too. All I could do was hold her close to me and cry. I think she understood what was happening.

I deeply love you all for taking the time to respond to my thread. I have akways gotten such love and support from this site and the people here. Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart.

Many hugs back to you all.

tink

October 26, 2006
10:33 pm
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Jenni
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(((Tinkrbell))) Thinking of ya', Honey.

October 27, 2006
3:52 am
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sdesigns
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Hi tinkrbell:

Having lost my Mom last month, my feelings are still pretty raw and I wish I could give you good advice like some of those above. I do know that this is the place to be when you need comfort as the people on this site helped me thru one of the worst times of my life and for that I will always be grateful.

I am so sorry for your loss.

SD

October 29, 2006
5:07 pm
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katarina
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Hang in there. I just lost my mom. In March. I feel like I lost my right arm. I just try to go on. A light has gone out inside my heart. She is around me. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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