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Deafening words
January 11, 2006
2:31 pm
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LotusTampa
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Just a moment ago, while sitting here at my computer, the words "this is not what I'm looking for" shot through me like an arrow, piercing the very core of my soul.

That's one of the last things my ex told me when I saw him face to face. It was a heart-wrenching thing to hear even though I knew it all along.

I tried to break-up many times in the past--would actually tell him--and then I was having withdrawls, anxiety, etc., and would always try to reconcile. It was maddening.

Even though he said, "this is not what I'm looking for", I can say he was not what I was looking for either.

So, why am I letting those seven words affect me so gravely?

I guess because I am co-dependent, fear of intimacy, yet fear of losing someone.

I feel lost.

January 11, 2006
2:34 pm
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dalpuz
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U2 was just on singing it if that helps you.

January 11, 2006
2:53 pm
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LotusTampa
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Well, I guess a lot of people haven't found what they're looking for either...I'm not even sure myself.

My heart still hurts to lose someone who I felt so close to, even in all the dysfunction.

Sigh...

January 11, 2006
2:55 pm
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gingerleigh
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It's rejection, and rejection hurts. It's ok to feel hurt and sad by that, even though the relationship was not what you were looking for either. On some level, we all want to feel like we are in control of our destinies, and rejection flies in the face of that.

Just because the relationship was "now what he was looking for" doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you (or him for that matter). You can both be absolutey wonderful people who just aren't wonderful together.

January 11, 2006
10:42 pm
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hopeful for change
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I was in a similar situation,my ex was abuser, addict,stalker. I tried everything to salvage it but couldn't. Panic Attacks etc.
My ex told me that I was just like my parents getting rid of their family if I didn't "act" how they thought I should. That was six years ago and I still remember it. They say what they know will hurt us. That was the intention. When we love someone and let them in and they truly know us, then they have the ammunition to know what hurts us.

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