Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
Day 51-Withdrawal from the Drama of It All????
April 4, 2010
6:46 pm
Avatar
LouWho
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Day 51-Withdrawal from the Drama of It All????

I am a bit bummed that I have no one to spend Easter with, but in a way, that’s a good thing. When I think of the 10 years of holidays I went through while I was married, and how many of those I wished I were alone….well, then it all seems to even out somehow.

I have been going through a very reflective phase of my recovery lately. I am in a place where I have become very secluded, very sheltered, very much segmented from society. I have broken off most connection with friends. I just do not want to spend time with them right now, this time needs to be about me, and when I am around people, I am too likely to get caught up in their drama and their needs, and that takes the focus away from me.

And you would think that I would get very lonely, but when someone calls and I take the call, as soon as they are on the line chatting away, all I want to do is get off the phone. But the problem is that I have not been all that productive. I should be out cleaning up the garden or pulling weeds, but instead I am choosing to watch tv all day long or read. I am beginning to wonder if this is a problem. Maybe it is not. Maybe this is just a withdrawal from the drama of the past few weeks. And during the week there is the constant contact with the husband which is an endless source of drama. In fact, this may be a reaction to simply learning to live without so bloody much drama. In fact, in the last two months, the drama factor around here has dropped significantly. Perhaps that is what it really is.

What I may be going through is some sort of withdrawal from drama….is that possible? I mean by removing myself from so much input from friends, and lack of seeing him this last week while he was out of town, perhaps I am just going through a patch of normal. And being so un-accustomed to normal, as I am, perhaps I am finding this something a bit hard to adjust to.

Is that possible? Is my life reaching some sort of “normalcy”?

April 4, 2010
7:33 pm
Avatar
through_the_fire
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 101
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Louwho,

I was a little confused reading your post. Your phase sounds really good in that you know what you want right now-- quiet, time alone, tv, reading.

But I guess your saying at the end that you're having a hard time adjusting is unclear to me.

Are you asking us if you what you are choosing to do now is "normal"? Yes, why not? If it works for you, if it's what you want to do, why not?

I think many people, including myself, have a hard time doing what we'd like to do, rather than what we think we should do, or what others would like from us.

It's especially true when what we are doing is new and different from our usual ways of being.

Maybe give yourself a break not only from friends and drama, but from being too analytical about what you want right now.

You have every right to do exactly as you please. I haven't heard anything about your committing felonies or anything...:-) You're taking time and space for yourself. Doing as you'd like for yourself is "normal".

Fire

April 4, 2010
7:41 pm
Avatar
through_the_fire
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 101
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh and another thing--- having a low tolerance for drama is a good sign! You might find ways to communicate with people a bit more without letting their drama get to you, but for now, stepping way back, is what you want to do (pay attention to that).

Fire

April 4, 2010
9:43 pm
Avatar
searchingtruth
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi...I just want to let you know that my "ex" was always action filled...going to "the store" talking on the phone...I couldn't find him for hours...etc.

Now my life is where it swhould be again...peaceful. He tries to break through, but I don't allow.

It is hard to believe that I haven't even changed his room and done all the stuff in my head I want to do...It is because I need a break. Call it post traumatic stress, or I feel like I am lazy...not so. Take care of yourself first.....

In time all will come. I am thinking of colors and what I want to change the room to. Maybe an escape...

May be part of depression also..I don't know...but I am trying not to push myself too physically do things for now since I am free.

April 4, 2010
10:47 pm
Avatar
Hepburn
Los Angeles, California
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 104
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think it's a little bit of what everyone has said.

I'm going through drama withdrawl too. AND I'm feeling a little depressed. I've always had a least one person in my life that gave me the drama fix. I usually could only handle one at a time. But on occassion my life would be filled with 2 or 3. Now that my daughter is 14 (god help me) I have all the drama I can take. And yes I agree with Fire, it's how we handle it that counts.

I'm not sure what "normal" is really. I'm trying not to be too hard on myself though.

At first I was glad to be alone today. But then started feeling lonely, knowing that other people were at their Easter dinners and all. And then we had an earthquake......LOL

But I think (for me anyway) I get in my head that I "should" be doing __________ fill in the blank. I've decided to give myself permission to do what I want right now and it's OK.

However I'd be a little careful with the depression. If I think I'm becoming too secluded, I'll force myself to do something productive. It's very easy for me to isolate. But it's not healthy to do so too long.

Like searching, I'm trying to take care of myself first, but it's really HARD to do when you've spent your whole life making sure everyone else is taken care of.

April 5, 2010
9:51 am
Avatar
curious64
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 408
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

LouWho - I know what you are saying. that is kind of where I have been myself. Friday night I had a list of things I was going to accomplish, mainly to keep myself busy, but also because they needed to be done. However, I was really tired and thought to myself that I did not have to press on with my list just because it "needed" done. I could just relax for a while.

Don't know if you have ever battled depression. I have and it is awful. There is a little fear in me that if I become too secluded and let too many things slide then I might be becoming depressed again. For me, the difference is in how I feel about sitting on the couch watching TV. If I sit there doing that and wishing I had the motivation to do something else then I worry a little. If I am just sitting there and purely enjoying it then I figure it is okay.

Guess this is different for everyone. My day was tough on Easter, having a lot of joint pain issues and it was also an annivery of a first kiss when my ex and I had reunited after years apart. Got through it. Did leave a mess in the kitchen, but I will worry about that today.

Lou, I guess I really don't have much great advice for you. Just know that I am traveling the same road and am sending you some virtual encouragement. Finding "normal" can be a tough thing because "normal" is subjective to the each person. Hang in there and take care of yourself. You deserve the best life has to offer.

April 5, 2010
10:30 am
Avatar
Lanigirl
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 161
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey Lou,

Great advice from everyone here - take care of yourself and monitor the possibility of depression. I get wanting to take care of yourself but I know that my mind has too much going on in there and sometimes when I sink in, I get too crazy.

I wanted to know that I thought about you yesterday and it gave me strength to keep on talking to myself and just drive by the place of my addiction. It's the start of month three of no contact.

It was very helpful that I had a friend visiting this week because it was supposed to be the week that he left and moved back to his country.

My friend helped me through it not only with her being there but also, she had a bout of anger because she used to live here and this is where her husband left her. Even after all of this time, she still has a lot of anger about it. I want to move on and heal.

April 6, 2010
3:17 pm
Avatar
irishkearns
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
April 6, 2010
3:24 pm
Avatar
irishkearns
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sometimes I feel the same way, Lou...I am feeling so lonely and out of body...because I gave up the drama with my granddaughter. I had to tell her not to call me because I finally recognized my codepency illness. I haven't spoken to my beautiful drug addicted angel and it's almost killing me. Am I feeling the way I am because the drama is gone? Or am I feeling the way I am because I MISS all the drama and controlling? I don't know right now because I am so new to this recovery. I know that I have been crying all the time...a little is good, but not as much as I have been crying...I too, am worried about depression. I have a long way to go and I am really feeling on the verge of a breakdown...I have been going to al-anon meetings but apparently not enough! It's very difficult to finally realize all this stuff about yourself and trying to accept it.

April 7, 2010
8:38 am
Avatar
curious64
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 408
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

LouWho - Hope that all is going well with you. Haven't seen a post in a couple of days so I thought I would check in and say hi. Your posts always bring a smile to my day and I am thankful that this site is here to help when days are dark.

Irish - I know exactly about the drama you are describing. It is only in the last fews months that I have realized that I was addicted to the drama of things. I am so sorry about your situation with your granddaughter. I know that must be so tough. I'm sure that you love her very much. Now that you realize you are an issue with codependency take some time and focus on you. Put yourself first and work on your recovery.

This site is a wonderful place for advice, support and just getting it out. No one here will judge you, you are safe here. Sending hugs your way. Hang in there and keep reading/posting. ((((hugs))))

April 7, 2010
12:36 pm
Avatar
LouWho
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Been a bit in a fog, and work and all... but will post later today.

Big shout outs to you curious and others-
Irish, find a coda meeting and see if that helps you a bit more, and hang in there, we are all feeling it, and post, we all grow together when it is a group effort to heal.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
26
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111165
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
anissafield, Aemorph, CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information