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Daughter is cutting
April 11, 2009
12:41 am
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veggiemom
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My beautiful 15 year old daughter is cutting....it is something so weird and foreign to me. I don't understand but know enough about addictive behavior to know that it is a coping mechanism for her...I am so ashamed and sad and scared and guilty about this. I feel completely responsible and have no idea what to do. You hurt when your child falls down and skins their knee, but to know your child is hurting themself on purpose...it's a whole different thing. I feel I am to blame. I so want her to be happy but I have no idea how to help her. I almost feel it is better I stay out of her life...but at the same time feel she needs me so badly. This is something that seems to me to be so shrouded in shame...anybody out there who has dealt with or is dealing with this? I have been here before with other issues and found all of the people on these boards to be such great comfort.

April 17, 2009
11:14 pm
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Hopewell
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No, I haven't ever had to deal with this, but I do know your daughter needs her mother. When my daughter and I were getting therapy relating to her not being able to go to sleep at night, the therapist said that we (parents) must be a strong springboard for our children, and if you are not feeling the strength, maybe you should get some help with a professional or at least a counseling service. The one I had with my daughter (middle school age) I found through my work, one of the benefits was a mental health service at a discounted cost. I believe the county health services offer this also. I really feel for you and your daughter, and I hope you are able to find someone to help very soon! Good luck!

April 18, 2009
8:24 pm
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pcenhppness
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Staying out of her life would be more harmful than interfering. She needs support and professional counseling. You are right when you say that it is a form of coping, however what she is coping with is serious enough that she is hurting herself. The best thing you can do is provide a listening ear, get her some help, and do not make her feel ashamed or embarrassed by her actions. Often, cutting is a sign of extreme emotional pain and your daughter could be experiencing something very serious. Please, get her some help.

April 18, 2009
10:14 pm
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netsirk
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I am a cutter. I started as a teenager and I think the worst thing that happened was the fact that my mother ignored the problem and later walked away from the problem when she had the chance to offer me help. Things went from bad to worse in terms of my cutting. Please don't walk away from your daughter now. You may not understand her but turning your back would be one of the worst things you could do. Not only does your daughter need help but you as her mother may need to look for someone to help you understand and deal with your daughter. It's ok to ask for help and for both of your sakes it would worth looking into. I know that about 2 years ago there was a rather lengthly thread on cutting and there may be thing mentioned there that could be usful to you now. You can use teh search on top of the thread page and put in thw word Cutting or cutter. There have been other threads over the years that have been dealing with this for some time.

Best of luck to you and your daughter.

April 20, 2009
8:53 pm
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mamacinnamon
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I found out just before Christmas that my youngest daughter was cutting herself. I noticed the marks one day.

I don't understand it; I don't know what to do but she is in counseling now;I don't know how to find out what it is all about. BUT, I do know that for me turning my back is not an option. I am told I jump on things to quickly by my husbnd while he let's it ride. I'm sorry but I'd rather jump than let her think she can get by w/ it.

Hopewell... have you found out anything yet? I got my daughter into counseling just as soon as I possibly could.

pcenhppnss: I'm sorry your mom did you as she did. I'd rather my daughter hate me for tryin too hard, Which I have one that does but that is for anothre time) then for my child to think I didn't care. Please know for one parent not caring there are plenty of other parents, maybe not your own, that do care about you.

netsirk: great info. I'm gonna look thru the archives and see if I can find the other cutting thread to resurrect unless it has already been done. thanks

April 20, 2009
9:04 pm
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mamacinnamon
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ok there are 31 threads on cutting and many have fantastic advice and insight.

type cutting in the search box and click search. I hope you get some answers, I know I'll be up there later tonight.

April 20, 2009
10:18 pm
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Terriberry
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Mamacinnamon,

My daughter is a cutter also. I suggest you goggle self harm. There are a lot of resources out there for you, to help you understand.

((Hugs to you)) , here if you want to talk. Just know you are not to blame... it's not your fault.

tb

April 21, 2009
8:29 pm
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LR61
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My daughter was a cutter - at about the same age. I don't think my approach to it was very conventional but she has stopped. I spoke to her about it and said that I understood why she was doing it (to stop herself feeling so bad) and that I wasn't going to force her to talk to me about her problems if she didn't want to (she didn't) and I wouldn't force her to stop cutting herself. But I also said that it made me so sad to see her beautiful little arms all torn up and would she please let me put antispecptic cream on them if she did it again. I also got a helpful pamphlet about self harm and gave it to her. She did it a few more times, I asked if I could put cream on her arms and then it stopped. She still has scars. It is so, so, so heartbreaking for a mother to deal with and I feel for you.

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